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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming that DH has spent the whole day on his laptop?

364 replies

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:41

DH has spent the whole day on his laptop “working” in his home office and he hasn’t even seen me and the DC all day! He was up at 5am (the kids woke up at 6am) and he is still in his home office “working” now so we haven’t seen him all day! He even refused Christmas dinner as he said he was “too busy working”. DH does a senior office based job and he wasn’t meant to be working at all over Christmas but he is saying he apparently has to work today “because it’s urgent”! It’s Christmas Day and we haven’t seen him all day and DH can’t see the problem with this! The kids are really upset about it too! AIBU to be livid with DH over this? DH literally doesn’t see the problem but I’m fuming and the kids are upset too!

OP posts:
usedtobeaylis · 26/12/2025 11:37

ShawnaMacallister · 26/12/2025 11:32

Because she's a foster carer and she has a responsibility. I highly doubt this is the first instance of this kind of behaviour.

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So why do you think she's posting on here asking for advice and support? Do you think it might be because she knows he is behaving in an unacceptable way?

Alpacajigsaw · 26/12/2025 11:36

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 10:15

I've been in situations where I have to work hard through Xmas, for reasons beyond my control. I'm amazed that PPs are assuming the worst of him. Something has to pay for it all!

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For 15 hours, starting at 5 am, completely unexpectedly, with not a word of explanation to your family?

ShawnaMacallister · 26/12/2025 11:32

usedtobeaylis · 26/12/2025 11:25

Why are you having a pop at her?

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Because she's a foster carer and she has a responsibility. I highly doubt this is the first instance of this kind of behaviour.

OctopusFriend · 26/12/2025 11:27

usedtobeaylis · 26/12/2025 11:26

Why do so many people seem to think anyone needing to work over Christmas is the problem? That is not the problem.

What is the problem?

usedtobeaylis · 26/12/2025 11:26

Why do so many people seem to think anyone needing to work over Christmas is the problem? That is not the problem.

usedtobeaylis · 26/12/2025 11:25

ShawnaMacallister · 26/12/2025 07:00

How the hell are you approved to foster 4 children with a husband so unkind and disengaged from family life? This is absurd. You (both) are not providing the home and family these children deserve are you? Do you have a supervising social worker? I would be raising this in supervision if I found this out - if your children tell their social worker about their Christmas there will be some difficult questions to answer. This is just not ok.

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Why are you having a pop at her?

Ponoka7 · 26/12/2025 11:19

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:53

The DC are foster children and are 18 months, 4 years old, 9 years old and 11 years old.

So you are stuck because you can't foster on your own? Did he want to foster? Unless he's part of the Trump administration, it's totally BS.

Tollington · 26/12/2025 11:15

Very sad

zurigo · 26/12/2025 11:13

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:51

I did go in to his home office at one point and he rushed me and the kids out saying we were disturbing him on a teams call/meeting with a colleague.

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On a Teams calls on Christmas Day? I think he's just avoiding you. No one is on a bloody Teams call on Christmas Day unless they work in the kind of business that is open 24/7 and something urgent has happened.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 26/12/2025 11:10

He wasn’t working, that's for sure.

LilyBunch25 · 26/12/2025 11:05

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 10:15

I've been in situations where I have to work hard through Xmas, for reasons beyond my control. I'm amazed that PPs are assuming the worst of him. Something has to pay for it all!

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Working hard is one thing. Whats the point in "paying for it all" if he blanked his family all day? Pointless.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 26/12/2025 10:42

I asked my office based senior management husband. He’s suggesting it might be the difference between striking an end of year deal meaning a 50k bonus or not…. Or maybe keeping his job?
I would expect him to be explaining the why to you though.

fishtank12345 · 26/12/2025 10:41

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 25/12/2025 21:04

He’s checked out of family life.

Maybe because its foster kids.... not his own

Sammy900 · 26/12/2025 10:37

Has he got another family abroad he is spending the day with online? A captured hostage somewhere? Or is he addicted to gambling online or buying selling shares...Is there a huge financial crisis somewhere...top secret threat of alien invasion? I don't understand what would keep him in there all day?? Sounds like he's fully engaged/ hooked on something else anyway which isn't great - If that was my partner I'd need to know what was so urgent and was there anything to be very worried about?

jeaux90 · 26/12/2025 10:31

I hope you handed him his arse. I’m senior in tech, I’ve never had to work a Christmas Day.

Itsgottobeme · 26/12/2025 10:29

Hes not working.

Sassylovesbooks · 26/12/2025 10:28

Even if there was an emergency at work, assuming the OP's husband works within an industry, where this is feasible, and yes there are some! He's had a few minutes to tell his wife, what is going on and how long he'll be. He has foster children, who, we must assume have potentially had a rough start in life, so to just leave them without explanation on Christmas Day, and to shut yourself away ALL day is dreadful behaviour. I don't think it's an affair, no one is going to be on a call or Facetime (or similar) to an OW all day, that's not realistic. However, he could have checked out of family life, and there being a work emergency could very well be lie. Only the OP knows what industry her husband works in, and if this kind of emergency is possible.

Ginmonkeyagain · 26/12/2025 10:19

Some jobs do involve Christmas working, but you keep it to a minimum and keep family informed if it goes on longer than planned. My parents were livestock farmers so obviously always had to work on Christmas day. When we were children they planned it meticulously to ensure it was kept to essential work only. However, sometimes the wheels came off and unexpected work came up - sick animals, escaped animals, bad weather (i remember more than one Christmas day trying to unfreeze outside water drinking tanks with kettles of boiling water.)

But crucially we all pulled together and some sort of family Christmas was had - even if it was sandwiches and cake in the late evening.

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 10:15

theodozya · 25/12/2025 20:56

There are plenty of computer based jobs that might require urgent work at odd, long hours, including Christmas Day. You’d have to be pretty daft not to realise that but it seems that is indeed the case for lots of posters. The police example made me laugh - how do people think emergency services know where the emergencies are for them to attend? That’s all academic though - OP, you know what his job is so presumably you know whether it’s plausible that he’d have to work today (which is separate from the fact it’s annoyed you)?

I've been in situations where I have to work hard through Xmas, for reasons beyond my control. I'm amazed that PPs are assuming the worst of him. Something has to pay for it all!

Alpacajigsaw · 26/12/2025 10:13

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:51

I did go in to his home office at one point and he rushed me and the kids out saying we were disturbing him on a teams call/meeting with a colleague.

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Surely you didn’t just go away though? If someone tried to shoo me out of a room in my own house he’d be told to fuck off! (Unless it was something silly like wrapping presents or something!)

was it largely you who wanted to do the fostering OP and not him?

Kate8889 · 26/12/2025 10:09

I'm in IT and have had to work Christmas but we were allowed to step away for a few hours as needed.

OctopusFriend · 26/12/2025 10:04

I think the next Bond film should feature a villain trying to bring down social order from the spare bedroom, while his four foster children open their Christmas presents downstairs and wait for him to carve the turkey 😉

WakeUpchangeChannelSleeeeeep · 26/12/2025 09:46

I've worked over Christmas. I did fifteen Xmas days in a row in the 90's /Noughties but it was being on call so all it meant was Shloer and a mincer rather than wine.

This stinks OP and it would have me snooping my face off!

Bepo77 · 26/12/2025 09:46

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:51

I did go in to his home office at one point and he rushed me and the kids out saying we were disturbing him on a teams call/meeting with a colleague.

Show quote history

Hmm, a call with another woman perhaps?

Pedallleur · 26/12/2025 09:40

What does the browsing history or teams log say? When he shooed people out was he wearing ear pods/headphones? Could he be heard talking?. Is he organising peace in the Middle East or is he a Bond villain bringing down the social order? Really we know he isn't working.