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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming that DH has spent the whole day on his laptop?

364 replies

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:41

DH has spent the whole day on his laptop “working” in his home office and he hasn’t even seen me and the DC all day! He was up at 5am (the kids woke up at 6am) and he is still in his home office “working” now so we haven’t seen him all day! He even refused Christmas dinner as he said he was “too busy working”. DH does a senior office based job and he wasn’t meant to be working at all over Christmas but he is saying he apparently has to work today “because it’s urgent”! It’s Christmas Day and we haven’t seen him all day and DH can’t see the problem with this! The kids are really upset about it too! AIBU to be livid with DH over this? DH literally doesn’t see the problem but I’m fuming and the kids are upset too!

OP posts:
wombat1a · 26/12/2025 12:47

Yesterday was the 1st Christmas Day off I have had for 15 years. We used to store up work for Christmas day/Boxing day so we could get it done while the office was empty. If we did it on a normal working day or weekend then it stopped to many others from working while we did the work.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 26/12/2025 12:43

Summerhut2025 · 25/12/2025 21:42

Don’t believe that for one minute. Doing this to his children today is just plain abusive and unforgivable, this will be scarring them for life. Get in there and tell him to come out and show some love for his children or leave and sleep somewhere else. If he won’t leave, call the police to have him removed. And yeah pulling out the router and hiding it in your car is def an option also!
No one in the office or corporate world works today, there is something seriously amiss with what he is saying to you. Sorry OP

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They're not his children, they're foster children that he may or may not have particularly wanted in his home.
If it's the latter then he's clearly hiding away, probably watching a streaming service in peace.

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 26/12/2025 12:39

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 12:35

Ha!

But I take the point that he could/should have explained his situation...

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I mean, without it being an explicit possibility and a roster that the DH should have discussed with his wife beforehand.

pansyshell · 26/12/2025 12:36

I'm thinking more and more this is a troll post as the OP hasn't come back. Or equally likely the husband had a valid explanation for his actions.

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 12:35

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 26/12/2025 12:16

No company with a business this important springs it on people at the last minute that they are in the hot seat.

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Ha!

But I take the point that he could/should have explained his situation...

ABoldSubmission · 26/12/2025 12:26

I doubt the OP is coming back.

Itsgottobeme · 26/12/2025 12:25

Foster kids will be feeling even more rejected,unloved, uncertian and unsafe. Exactly the opposite of what theu should be getting in placement. Overthinking how they will react is needed with foster kids. Rushing them out the room and a foster dad not wanting to be with them plus seeing the upset in ylu(they be more intunes) is everything they dont need. You need to remind him of this pronto.

Piknik · 26/12/2025 12:25

Affair
Porn
Gambling

Definitely not work.

Fiftyand · 26/12/2025 12:18

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:53

The DC are foster children and are 18 months, 4 years old, 9 years old and 11 years old.

The fact you have 4 foster children and he hasn’t been with them at all on Christmas Day is a massive red flag. Speak to their social worker about it and see what she says.
FWIW I’d bet money he is having an affair and has been online with her all day.
Either way this is totally unacceptable there is literally NO job that has needed him to be working all day.

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 26/12/2025 12:16

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 11:47

For US clients, yes, quite possible! I haven't personally gone to such extremes, but have done similar. I don't think it's fair to assume he's having an affair or just avoiding the family, although OP might be along to give us more clues.

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No company with a business this important springs it on people at the last minute that they are in the hot seat.

somanychristmaslights · 26/12/2025 12:08

I hope you have given him what for this morning and he’s apologising profusely. What a knob. I assume this isn’t a one off? Those poor kids have had an unstable home life and now have to live like this.

Grammarninja · 26/12/2025 12:08

Could there be a huge, terrifying problem like in 'It's A Wonderful Life'?

Bottlesofrumonthewall · 26/12/2025 12:06

He’s a character. What a funny way to get out of Christmas

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/12/2025 12:03

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 11:47

For US clients, yes, quite possible! I haven't personally gone to such extremes, but have done similar. I don't think it's fair to assume he's having an affair or just avoiding the family, although OP might be along to give us more clues.

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Don't be ridiculous. Nobody spends the whole of Christmas Day working as a result of some unexpected crisis without finding 30 seconds to tell their partner or whoever they were going to spend the day with that that's no longer possible, and apologising profusely.

Sammy900 · 26/12/2025 12:02

Is he Father Christmas himself carrying out his online duties for the world? Beginning to think this is a wind up thread

Righttofeelawkward · 26/12/2025 11:59

This is not ok… especially if they are foster children! I am a social worker ( I am now a children’s guardian) and I can’t see how it is ok for these children to see that one of their carers is not available for them on a day that is likely to be tricky. I have lots of work I could do on Christmas Day due my job (which I didn’t) but I can’t see any office role that means it’s urgent.

WaitingfortheThingtoHappen · 26/12/2025 11:53

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:45

No he hasn’t told me yet what specifically is urgent! He keeps telling me not to disturb him every time I try to come in to his home office! He told the kids as well not to disturb him earlier when they tried to shout through the door to him! I’m livid but DH doesn’t seem to see the problem or understand why I’m fuming over this!

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Does he work for a company based abroad where it's a normal working day? If so, although it's disappointing for you and your family - it's not unreasonable that he might be expected to deal with an emergency, especially if he is senior management.

If he is catching up with something important that should have been done before Christmas (due to his poor management/timekeeping skills ir procrastination), he needs to get his act together to save both his job and his marriage.

If he doesn't want to engage with you and/or his family on Christmas Day, because he would rather do something else, or he simply doesn't want to be with you, you have a serious problem. If it's this one, I'm assuming his lack of engagement with family life is not a new problem and your relationship is already in trouble.

Beachtastic · 26/12/2025 11:47

Alpacajigsaw · 26/12/2025 11:36

For 15 hours, starting at 5 am, completely unexpectedly, with not a word of explanation to your family?

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For US clients, yes, quite possible! I haven't personally gone to such extremes, but have done similar. I don't think it's fair to assume he's having an affair or just avoiding the family, although OP might be along to give us more clues.

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 26/12/2025 11:44

By work he either means chatting to Sheila from the office or watching BabyDemon69 from OF. No way he’s working back to back all day.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 26/12/2025 11:42

Unless he is planning on carrying out brain surgery this week, he has no reason for not participating in the joy for the children on Christmas Day, even for a few hours, no matter how urgent the issue is.

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 26/12/2025 11:41

Some sort of private life firefighting going on. OW in crisis or in labour or something.

OctopusFriend · 26/12/2025 11:40

Alpacajigsaw · 26/12/2025 11:36

For 15 hours, starting at 5 am, completely unexpectedly, with not a word of explanation to your family?

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Yes indeed. It's a strange one.

OctopusFriend · 26/12/2025 11:39

usedtobeaylis · 26/12/2025 11:38

Mate I can't help you. @

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That's fine, I don't require help, thanks, mate @.
Just clarification.
However, no matter.

Sartre · 26/12/2025 11:39

Workaholic or he just hates you all.

usedtobeaylis · 26/12/2025 11:38

OctopusFriend · 26/12/2025 11:27

What is the problem?

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Mate I can't help you. @