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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming that DH has spent the whole day on his laptop?

364 replies

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:41

DH has spent the whole day on his laptop “working” in his home office and he hasn’t even seen me and the DC all day! He was up at 5am (the kids woke up at 6am) and he is still in his home office “working” now so we haven’t seen him all day! He even refused Christmas dinner as he said he was “too busy working”. DH does a senior office based job and he wasn’t meant to be working at all over Christmas but he is saying he apparently has to work today “because it’s urgent”! It’s Christmas Day and we haven’t seen him all day and DH can’t see the problem with this! The kids are really upset about it too! AIBU to be livid with DH over this? DH literally doesn’t see the problem but I’m fuming and the kids are upset too!

OP posts:
onwards2025 · 25/12/2025 21:22

More context needed on his job etc, as others have said. I have a desk based job that I fully admit to working antisocial and long hours at, including times of being in my home office at 5am and still there in the evening not having left or moved during the day, and have genuinely been working the whole time. I wouldn't do it out of choice on Christmas Day but am well aware that it's not a far fetched possibility, but more likely a personal boundaries issue

bluevelvetbox · 25/12/2025 21:22

Affair unfortunately.

Imdunfer · 25/12/2025 21:19

It sounds horribly likely that he's waiting for Christmas to be over to drop the news that he's moving out. He's already moved out mentally.

JoeTheDrummer · 25/12/2025 21:18

theodozya · 25/12/2025 21:04

I have no idea what his job is and nor do you, but I do know it’s entirely possible for someone in a computer-based job to have got up at 5am and had a long/busy day at work, Christmas Day or no.

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But what? What home-based computer job would involve working 16+ hours on Christmas Day? Which absolutely has to be done on that day, and can’t wait? I’m a senior lawyer at a very intense firm, and even we wouldn’t expect this!

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 25/12/2025 21:17

I’d put money on him
talking to someone he shouldn’t be!! Very fishy

MeganM3 · 25/12/2025 21:16

What is he usually like? Is this completely out of the blue?
It seems like something must have happened. What is he avoiding?

Addiction, affair or avoidance.

usedtobeaylis · 25/12/2025 21:15

There is nothing so urgent that it requires 12+ undisturbed hours in a home office on a laptop on Christmas Day with absolutely no notice or explanation. Fuck that and fuck him for doing that to you and the children.

MumoftwoGirls11 · 25/12/2025 21:14

Check your router logs to see what websites he’s visited today. Information, and knowledge, is power. Use wireshark if you have to, find out what he’s been doing.

labamba18 · 25/12/2025 21:13

Turn the internet off. I know it sounds petty but it’s Christmas and he gave you no forewarning.

theodozya · 25/12/2025 21:10

FestiveBauble · 25/12/2025 21:05

@theodozya the police officer on shift example is because they’re obviously people who have to work Christmas Day either on the streets / in an office 🙄 obviously OP would have mentioned if he was a remote working police dispatcher 😂 he clearly isn’t!

There’s not that many computer based jobs that require 16+ hour days on Christmas Day at all, it’s not daft to assume he isn’t in one of the 99% of regular computer based jobs!

I don’t know that it’s obvious that OP would have mentioned what his job is if it contextualised his behaviour as more reasonable than she perceives it to be. Which is understandable because she’s really pissed off with him that she’s been left alone with four children. All I’m saying is that the people dismissing the possibility of senior computer-based jobs featuring long, antisocial hours are mistaken.

Minnie798 · 25/12/2025 21:07

DeathStare · 25/12/2025 21:03

How is he finding the fostering? Is he fully on board?

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I think this is a very valid question.

surprisebaby12 · 25/12/2025 21:06

Very odd behaviour! A firm word and honesty (from him) definitely needed

onwards2025 · 25/12/2025 21:05

Turn the WiFi off

Parker231 · 25/12/2025 21:05

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:46

He’s still in his home office working now!

I’m assuming that he’s the type that contributes nothing to Christmas preparations or the day to day tasks of running the home?

FestiveBauble · 25/12/2025 21:05

@theodozya the police officer on shift example is because they’re obviously people who have to work Christmas Day either on the streets / in an office 🙄 obviously OP would have mentioned if he was a remote working police dispatcher 😂 he clearly isn’t!

There’s not that many computer based jobs that require 16+ hour days on Christmas Day at all, it’s not daft to assume he isn’t in one of the 99% of regular computer based jobs!

TeideHeart · 25/12/2025 21:04

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:51

I did go in to his home office at one point and he rushed me and the kids out saying we were disturbing him on a teams call/meeting with a colleague.

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Affair.

theodozya · 25/12/2025 21:04

Bundleflower · 25/12/2025 20:59

You think it’s possible that OP’s husband has been working remotely as a police dispatcher in their home office since 5am? Now THAT is pretty daft and made me laugh.
You seem gullible.

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I have no idea what his job is and nor do you, but I do know it’s entirely possible for someone in a computer-based job to have got up at 5am and had a long/busy day at work, Christmas Day or no.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 25/12/2025 21:04

He’s checked out of family life.

DeathStare · 25/12/2025 21:03

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:53

The DC are foster children and are 18 months, 4 years old, 9 years old and 11 years old.

How is he finding the fostering? Is he fully on board?

SimplyBudgie · 25/12/2025 21:03

He's in there hiding op.

How long have the dc been placed with you? He doesn't seem interested, this isn't normal behaviour.

Ineedanewsofa · 25/12/2025 21:03

I used to work a senior job in retail, specifically ecommerce and there was not one xmas day in 10 years where I had to spend more than an hour in total online. The only circumstances that would have taken me out for longer would have been major outage/cyber attack.
Does he work in tech/for a Big 4 System Integration/Support service?

wheresmymojo · 25/12/2025 21:02

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:48

He keeps telling me not to disturb him so I haven’t managed to speak to him about it properly yet, I’m livid!

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I’m a very, very reasonable creature. I hardly ever throw my toys out of the pram or even get irritable or snappy but I would have lost my shit way before now.

And that would be without being left with four foster children.

The first time he told me to not disturb him when I went to speak to him on Christmas Day - basically saying he has such little respect he can’t set aside 5 minutes to explain to you what is happening and why - I’d have turned the internet off and hidden the router until he deigned to tell me what the bloody hell was going on (or would’ve calmly told him that I’d packed a case for him and when he was done working he should go and sleep in the office).

Cerezo · 25/12/2025 21:01

I’m a workaholic as I’m avoidant and it’s environment I have my confidence in. I wouldn’t dream of working Christmas Day without a specific “I desperately need to do X, because of Y. I will be doing Z with colleagues A&B and finish latest by Cpm”

He either needs to explain what he’s doing or what he’s avoiding. Unless it’s official secrets act stuff preventing atrocities, there’s a 99.99999% chance he isn’t as essential as he likes to think.

Truetoself · 25/12/2025 21:00

This is awful behaviour OP! I would be livid! Is he avoiding the family?

Bundleflower · 25/12/2025 21:00

PoorPhaedra · 25/12/2025 20:57

Unless he is Keir Starmer this is ridiculous

If I was Mrs Starmer I’d still be unplugging the bloody wifi router! But yes, definitely more of an excuse.