To be fuming that DH has spent the whole day on his laptop?

Does he view himself as a foster parent? Or is it that, in his mind, you foster as your job - and he just lives in the same house?

I can see him thinking you are working (looking after the foster children) and it's nothing to do with him

How long have you had the children (if more than a year how was he last christmas)

So his employer requires at least two employees to be working on Christmas Day?

Utter bollocks.

My vote would be that he is busy talking to his affair partner. Sorry, but far more likely than his obvious fiction.

How did he behave last Christmas? Were your foster children with you then?

There is however no job that doesn't allow you the time to explain to your wife and 4 foster kids why your job is more important than them.

I stand by what I said. Even an all hands on deck situation wouldn't require him being on continually for the whole day nor would it preclude him keeping his wife in the picture.

No office job is that important. He's choosing to be absent.

We need more back story as to what his field of work is, and what hes normally like. Spending 17 hours locked away on Christmas Day is not acceptable unless its life and death....he either gives you a decent explanation or he can go and do whatever he is doing elsewhere.

And your poor foster children....have they ever had a nice Christmas?

He is having an affair. Sorry

Don’t believe that for one minute. Doing this to his children today is just plain abusive and unforgivable, this will be scarring them for life. Get in there and tell him to come out and show some love for his children or leave and sleep somewhere else. If he won’t leave, call the police to have him removed. And yeah pulling out the router and hiding it in your car is def an option also!
No one in the office or corporate world works today, there is something seriously amiss with what he is saying to you. Sorry OP

I’m normally thinking cherchez la femme….but honestly who the fuck has time to be speaking to him all day?

I can’t imagine an affair partner needing him to be on his laptop from 5am to 8pm or later… it doesn’t make sense?

Totally unacceptable on his behalf, especially when you have foster children who by nature of being children in care will require stability and a lot of attention. UNLESS he really does have a good work-related excuse. But that doesn't sound likely.

What work he does is very relevant here, but for some reason you have chosen to not yet say what his job (in general terms) is OP?

There are all sorts of senior-level jobs where something can go wrong at the worst possible time and it’s all hands on deck to get it sorted. Particularly client-facing industries where there is the risk of huge reputational damage if an aspect of the client’s account has inadvertently been mishandled. Plus, it being Christmas Day means that the seniors really are on the hook to get it resolved themselves - they don’t want to disturb the Christmases of more junior colleagues who aren’t being paid enough to justify that level of disruption.

Well said

Markets are closed aren’t they?

Trades are all written, everyone in middle office has fucked off on leave, chin chin!

For 15 hours? Gaming maybe?

My DH (fortunately retired now) was in an industry, and at a level of seniority, where he did sometimes have to suddenly jump on a call to manage a problem, and this did happen during Christmases, birthdays and holidays.

But he always at least had the decency to explain what the issue was and to give an estimate of how long it was likely to take to resolve. And also - crucially - he was being paid at a level to justify this level of disruption to our family lives…

Jesus, those poor kids. For whatever reason, they’re away from their own families and placed with carers who should be providing them with stability and a positive life. Acting like that on Christmas Day and taking joy away from children who have already lost so much is appalling. This would be a ltb for me, and I think that’s my first ever one on here.

Bullshit is he working OP. I’m in investment banking, we work ridiculous hours, not a single person would be expected to work those hours on Christmas Day.

Fuck that shit! Turn the router off and call him out.
He’s checked out 🫷🏻and talking to someone else

I don’t want to be a cliche but… cherchez la femme.

Even more sad as they are foster children so likely to have had very difficult times in their lives already 😕

Uh oh.....

Sounds like work is an excuse for not parenting especially if he can't tell you what is so urgent.

Yeh so i’d definitely be turning the wifi off. Nothing is that urgent on Xmas day. He is very very dim if he can’t see that leaving you with four kids is completely wrong and abnormal on Xmas day.

@MamaOnTheCoast Unless he is Father Christmas and his sleigh has spontaneously combusted, there is no emergency that warrants missing the entire day of Christmas.

How on earth are you so calm about this?

Can you hint at what type of business it is? Unless the whole company is about to go under I’d be fuming though. Maybe he has watched too many 80s movies where the ‘dads’ think their jobs are more important than the family.

I was going to ask this too. I’m an adoptive parent and when we did transitions with one of our DC, it was clear that the husband in the foster carer couple was not on board. They have since split up.