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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this me or not?

59 replies

Horseskeepmesane · 25/12/2025 18:52

Guest at mil today with my kids and oh and oh’s brother and wife and their kids, all primary age kids. Sil turns up and has brought dessert, cheeses and pate with her,towards the meal, I am shocked as no mention was made to me about contributing at all, I feel really hurt and cut out by this, Aibu?

OP posts:
SoScarletItWas · 25/12/2025 19:00

Quite likely that SIL was also told no but ignored this and brought things anyway. There’s always room for more cheese and an extra pud. I’d have taken wine, chocs, SOMETHING even if told not to. (I was also at MIL’s today and took wine and bits.)

edit because autocorrect thought I was taking chips.

Pollqueen · 25/12/2025 19:00

I would think it perfectly normal to turn up with some nice additions, I wouldn't even ask. Did you take wine?

BauhausOfEliott · 25/12/2025 18:59

You and your DH should have asked if your MIL wanted you to bring anything.

Presumably SIL asked, or MIL just felt more comfortable asking her own daughter because they’re used to doing this stuff together. It’s not a big deal. Feeling hurt and cut out is a big overreaction.

MrsDoomsPatterson1 · 25/12/2025 18:58

Yes put it down to your DH

Original poster
Horseskeepmesane · 25/12/2025 18:57

WonsWoo · 25/12/2025 18:54

Did you ask? I’d say it’s good form if someone is hosting to ask if you can bring anything. Having said that, if it’s your MIL your DH really should have had that conversation with his Mum.

The reason I didn’t bring anything is that I’ve asked before if I can contribute in any way and I always get no for an answer. That’s why I’m confused as to why this happened

OP posts:
DahlsChickenz · 25/12/2025 18:56

It wasn't necessarily all arranged, your SIL might have just thought it would be a nice thing to do. I wasn't asked by my host to bring anything today but brought biscuits and some wine, just to be helpful.

As long as they're not annoyed at you for not contributing I wouldn't let it worry you, and in future you can bring something when they host.

WonsWoo · 25/12/2025 18:54

Did you ask? I’d say it’s good form if someone is hosting to ask if you can bring anything. Having said that, if it’s your MIL your DH really should have had that conversation with his Mum.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 25/12/2025 18:54

Most people would offer, did it never occur to you to ask if you could bring anything?

BoarBrush · 25/12/2025 18:53

Most folks would ask if there was something they could bring. This is on you.