Upset dh didn't get me a proper present

Women have such low standards and then shame other women into ‘being cool’ about it. OP’s partner sounds like an expert in weaponised incompetence. Fuck putting up with that.

My dh is generous, he’d buy me anything I asked for, he says I can quit working (he’s retired early) he pays for lovely holidays and meals in nice restaurants but he’s rubbish with gifts, again money not the issue but thought isn’t his thing. I take the good qualities

This is me too this morning. The one surprise he got me was a cd - I dont have a cd player (he does in his office) and no way of getting music on to my phone. Any music I do but I buy from iTunes.

he claims he didn’t know this despite me complaining g about it.

he thought it would be nice because it’s the songs of a comedian whose gig I went to.

I pointed out that this is the type of present he would like not me and it turns out he’s already out the digital download in his phone - he can do that with his android.

feeling disproportionately pissed off as he only had me to buy for - I stupidly did everything else.

We don't buy presents for each other, just for family, especially the grandchildren. No present from DH doesn't bother me at all.

If people ask what you got just answer matter of factly. If he's embarrassed that's on him. You have no reason to be embarrassed.

Have a word with him because its not good enough

He needed to have told you that the advents gifts were your actual Christmas presents in advance of Christmas day.

This 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Well, I got nothing, zilch, not a single present from anyone.
I didn’t get anything for my birthday 4 days ago either.
Bugger Christmas.

I’m always amazed by people thinking gifts are just for children. At what age do you turn off the tap? 18?
I taught my children the pleasure of giving from a very young age. They had a budget and a list of people to buy/ make for. We all exchange gifts, there’s no minimum or maximum spend, but usually under £50.00 and mostly the gifts are thoughtful and nice. Some families don’t want to do that , and great if that suits them, but it is lovely to share those moments. We celebrated early so we could be together, I got some beautiful mugs, pyjamas, gloves, cheese and a card from a 4 year old she wrote all by herself. It doesn’t have to be an orgy of consumerism and it doesn’t have to be purely functional .

Hahahah. Alright grumpy knickers, did you throw your good cheer out with the wrapping paper?

I am not the OP. I am not disappointed and I having a wonderful Christmas with family.

Preface by saying I’m in a marriage where we don’t really do Christmas presents but are generous to each other throughout the year.

What I’d probably do in your scenario OP, is when the next person - and every subsequent person - asks in front oh him I’d just say “oh DH got me a few stocking fillers this year, but he’s going to take me shopping after Christmas!”

I’d be disappointed as well op. Let it go for today but have a chat with him tomorrow about it. Try to remain calm and just let him know you are disappointed at the lack of effort. You are entitled to a reaction, not sure why other people on here think you need to ok with thoughtless behaviour from someone who’s supposed to be your best friend and have your best interests at heart.

It’s ok to be disappointed and to show that. I’d be saying to family when asked , don’t try to cover for him

If he’s normally a good gift giver, then I don’t think upset on this scale is justified - everyone has off years where they just can’t think of anything.

Why is it embarrassing for you that your husband didn't get you any gifts? If anyone asks don't you just tell the truth and if they want to bring it up with him they will.

You say he normally does OK so it's not like you need to be embarrassed for marrying a generally useless human

If this is his only misdemeanour you are being very childish and unreasonable imo.

😂 Just because you accept nothing from your partner does not mean OP should have to save her own money to buy herself a gift fo Christmas… what low standards you have. What a gift - to save, source, buy and wrap anything you get.

Can you clarify the advent bits? Were those gifts that involved thought and planing? Things you really enjoyed?

Do you feel loved throughout the rest of the year? Is he usually attentive and caring?

I find that people don't mind shit gifts so much when the person is usually loving and caring. Some people just don't set much store by gifts. But when someone is distant and uncaring generally, it becomes particularly hurtful when they couldn't do even this much, as it really isn't hard to do.

Just agree no presents for each other moving forward and book a day out / activity to do together or buy yourself something .

How does he usually manage to get thoughtful gifts? Do you usually guide him towards them or does he select them himself?
Have you reached a point of thoughtful gifts having run out? I never quite understand fully when people say about wanting something thoughtful, as this varies from person to person e.g. I got some ferrero rochet from my DH, to me that is thoughtful as I don't normally buy them, though it is only chocolate. The other gifts I got where ones I ordered myself.

I mean even thinking about my own kids, the gifts they get in their stockings I run out of ideas on as anything 'thoughtful' I have done previously and we often end up with the same things like gloves, sweets, puzzle book.

DH and I never buy each other Christmas gifts, just facilitate token things from the kids. There’s a pretty big difference though between something that is mutually agreed, expected and equal, and where we both know that it doesn’t reflect our feelings for each other, and what’s happened to OP. Don’t belittle her hurt by suggesting she should just enjoy dinner!

What did he buy you "as an advent"?

Great idea!

Nothing adds to the family Christmas spirit like a dose of passive-aggresion! I bet the family will be glad they invited you to get the party going! 🤣