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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is a spoilt brat

214 replies

arcticpandas · 25/12/2025 09:11

He is going to be gifted a perfume today. He asked for 100 ml but Mil asked me to order 200 ml. I helped her out with her online orders. Partner said oh did I ask for a perfume? I told him yes. He said: but did I ask for 100 ml? I said yes but your mum might have gotten you more since she's generous, you will see.
He goes off yelling about not being able to take it on his travels (100 ml limit) and I should have known better and he has no use for 200 ml. I told him I don't travel often neither does Mil so how the fuck were we to think that he wanted his perfume for travel.

Mil has thrown ticket and box away so can't return. I am so furious with dh acting like a spoilt brat. Our kids would never act like this even if disappointed- they are teens and polite.

Later on he came and said sorry I shouldn't have reacted like that...and then he went on again talking about how he'll have no use for it and he will buy his 100 ml himself and how he will never ask for anything again ! Bonkers ! If it wasn't for my kids I would be leaving for a couple of days. Immature entitled twat!! I have been disappointed with gifts but never said something but believe me this year I will not save his feelings and will tell him to return anything I don't like. Would that be unreasonable?

OP posts:
pictoosh · 27/12/2025 09:51

See I like reading and contributing to mumsnet but it is rare the occasion I'd seek advice here...particularly about my kids or marriage. Some of the advice can be brilliant but it's a task to pick it out from the base level negativity.

RandomUserName96 · 27/12/2025 09:47

Tbf OP, whilst you have clarified in later posts, the title says DH is a spoilt Brat, not acted like which suggests a trend or at least more than just one scenario (with extenuating circumstances that were essentially drip fed) so you cant really blame posters for calling him childish etc

Had you have started your post with DH is having a really rough time atm, is breaking g down crying and is on the edge of burnout, AIBU for thinking hes acting like a spoilt Brat in this scenario... you may have gotten a flaming yourself

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 27/12/2025 09:11

ClearFruit · 27/12/2025 07:57

🤣🤣🤣🤣 "at breaking point" over a 'perfume'.

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Either comprehension isn't your strong point or you're deliberately being obtuse and delight in couples breaking up over little things.

OP isn't leaving him, so tough for you.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 27/12/2025 09:06

catlover123456789 · 27/12/2025 07:28

You're defending him now but remember you were the one who started the thread and called him a spoilt brat!

Then she talked to him, and updated accordingly.

It's ok to have a rant sometimes or or you little miss perfect?

Stop with the pulling someone down.

Would you be happier for OP not to resolve issues and divorce him, how does being so negative and holding on to the past enrich your life?

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 27/12/2025 08:54

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 02:54

Breaking point. For what reason. Sorry. I wouldn't be at breaking point if someone bought me twice the perfume I wanted. He's a spoiled entitled twat

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We don't know the reason, like most have said, probably not about the actual perfume.
Calling someone you don't know names is going to help OP in what way?

ClearFruit · 27/12/2025 07:57

arcticpandas · 27/12/2025 07:18

Thank you. This is very much the case. I had a friend in tears on the phone over having forgotten an ingredient for the christmas meal. So much emotions at christmas and all the stress that comes out when you take time off from work and allow yourself to feel. Women are allowed this but not men apparantly. I don't buy this misogynistic worldview. My sons feel comfortable crying when they are sad and dh and myself console them and talk about their feelings. I thought we had gotten further than this when it comes to stereotypes about male/female behaviour.

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🤣🤣🤣🤣 "at breaking point" over a 'perfume'.

ClearFruit · 27/12/2025 07:55

arcticpandas · 25/12/2025 12:54

He wouldn't want to decant- thank you all for that advice though. He really likes to have the original- I'm the practical one and he's the precious one:).

My vagina just dried up due to secondhand ick. What a princess he is.

catlover123456789 · 27/12/2025 07:28

You're defending him now but remember you were the one who started the thread and called him a spoilt brat!

Original poster
arcticpandas · 27/12/2025 07:18

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 26/12/2025 23:35

You're fine OP, he's at breaking point like most people at this time of year.
There's literally a thread about people crying over all sorts over Christmas, but because it's a man, he's not allowed to be weak or make mistakes on here.

Thank you. This is very much the case. I had a friend in tears on the phone over having forgotten an ingredient for the christmas meal. So much emotions at christmas and all the stress that comes out when you take time off from work and allow yourself to feel. Women are allowed this but not men apparantly. I don't buy this misogynistic worldview. My sons feel comfortable crying when they are sad and dh and myself console them and talk about their feelings. I thought we had gotten further than this when it comes to stereotypes about male/female behaviour.

OP posts:
XWKD · 27/12/2025 07:17

bleakmidwintering · 27/12/2025 06:37

Is he gay? Ranting about perfume bottles doesn’t seem that straight that’s all. (Didn’t mean to offend anyone but it’s very odd)

The men's market is 40% of the overall market and growing. Have you not see the ads for Sauvage and Bleu De Chanel plastered all over the place? Men have been wearing Old Spice for nearly a century. Were they gay?

shhblackbag · 27/12/2025 07:13

arcticpandas · 27/12/2025 06:57

Leave the bastard. Sometimes warranted when there is cheating, gaslighting, abuse.

Unfortunately some people throw it out as a standard response whenever there is a man behaving badly- even if it's a one off. And even if the man is decent, doesn't have form and there are kids involved. I just hope people are intelligent enough to not divorce over minor, however annoying, incidents.

My DH reacted like a spoilt brat- very much unusual for him. I was angry about it and ranted about it in my post. He has since apologised, said he'll get another one and he was afraid of his own reaction. When people are stressed out they can react irrationally over minor things when in reality it's about something else. He had been holding in all stress from work and home (our ds1 is hard work) and it came out in a violent outburst over "nothing". He's tecognised this, apologised, cried and said he's afraid of having a mental break down.

I will support him because that is what you do when you are married with kids and the person is decent in general.

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You're way too reasonable, OP 😉 Have a good weekend with your family.

Original poster
arcticpandas · 27/12/2025 07:10

JoeyJava · 26/12/2025 23:00

Why would he even want perfume? Is he on a worldwide tour as a drag act?

Perfume was my choice of words. He would probably say cologne/after shave.

All men I know are using them so I must be surrounded by drags.

OP posts:
Original poster
arcticpandas · 27/12/2025 07:07

Tuesdayschild50 · 26/12/2025 20:17

DH more like Dear fuckwit fuck off !!
I couldn't put up with this shit from a grown man .

Edited

Fortunately he puts up with my "shit" as well. None of us are perfect and sometimes we act in ways that are not becoming. What matters is how you deal with the aftermath; accountability and remorse.

OP posts:
Original poster
arcticpandas · 27/12/2025 07:03

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 02:54

Breaking point. For what reason. Sorry. I wouldn't be at breaking point if someone bought me twice the perfume I wanted. He's a spoiled entitled twat

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It's not about the perfume though. I understood that later and so would you if you had read the thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
arcticpandas · 27/12/2025 07:02

Moltenpink · 27/12/2025 03:22

I know. I’m saying it often runs in families.

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Yes, in my family. The only reason he wanted 100 ml was for practical reasons (max liquid allowed on flight).

OP posts:
Original poster
arcticpandas · 27/12/2025 07:00

bleakmidwintering · 27/12/2025 06:37

Is he gay? Ranting about perfume bottles doesn’t seem that straight that’s all. (Didn’t mean to offend anyone but it’s very odd)

Yes. He must be gay. Also he's more keen to look good than I am. He must be gay and I'm probably trans then since I'm not bothered with makeup and clothes so we can just go on with our marriage I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
arcticpandas · 27/12/2025 06:57

AJLOAL · 27/12/2025 06:37

What’s lbt?

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Leave the bastard. Sometimes warranted when there is cheating, gaslighting, abuse.

Unfortunately some people throw it out as a standard response whenever there is a man behaving badly- even if it's a one off. And even if the man is decent, doesn't have form and there are kids involved. I just hope people are intelligent enough to not divorce over minor, however annoying, incidents.

My DH reacted like a spoilt brat- very much unusual for him. I was angry about it and ranted about it in my post. He has since apologised, said he'll get another one and he was afraid of his own reaction. When people are stressed out they can react irrationally over minor things when in reality it's about something else. He had been holding in all stress from work and home (our ds1 is hard work) and it came out in a violent outburst over "nothing". He's tecognised this, apologised, cried and said he's afraid of having a mental break down.

I will support him because that is what you do when you are married with kids and the person is decent in general.

OP posts:
bleakmidwintering · 27/12/2025 06:37

Is he gay? Ranting about perfume bottles doesn’t seem that straight that’s all. (Didn’t mean to offend anyone but it’s very odd)

AJLOAL · 27/12/2025 06:37

arcticpandas · 25/12/2025 13:04

🤣 No, no other woman. He uses perfume everyday, at home as well.

His mum doesn't take any of his shit thank god. She has always been loving but very strict when it comes to manners.

Yeah, I should just lbt for new year. Am packing my bags as I write this.

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What’s lbt?

Moltenpink · 27/12/2025 03:22

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 03:18

The DS is autistic. The OP didn't say her husband was

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I know. I’m saying it often runs in families.

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 03:18

Moltenpink · 27/12/2025 03:15

I know people hate autism suggestions to excuse behaviour, but this sounds like a classic example to me - people on the spectrum often want specific items, no variations or surprises etc. it does run in families….

I also find it so frustrating when someone thinks they know better than you when you’ve asked for something specific, and I also understand that half the attraction of a perfume is the lovely bottle (and the packaging- why on earth has the box been thrown?)

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The DS is autistic. The OP didn't say her husband was

Moltenpink · 27/12/2025 03:15

arcticpandas · 25/12/2025 12:58

  1. He's been having a rough month at work and our autistic DS1 is in a crazy period where he just screams right out for everything and nothing so DH is very much on edge. It explains why but doesn't excuse him for acting like a dick.
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I know people hate autism suggestions to excuse behaviour, but this sounds like a classic example to me - people on the spectrum often want specific items, no variations or surprises etc. it does run in families….

I also find it so frustrating when someone thinks they know better than you when you’ve asked for something specific, and I also understand that half the attraction of a perfume is the lovely bottle (and the packaging- why on earth has the box been thrown?)

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 02:54

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 26/12/2025 23:35

You're fine OP, he's at breaking point like most people at this time of year.
There's literally a thread about people crying over all sorts over Christmas, but because it's a man, he's not allowed to be weak or make mistakes on here.

Breaking point. For what reason. Sorry. I wouldn't be at breaking point if someone bought me twice the perfume I wanted. He's a spoiled entitled twat

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 26/12/2025 23:35

You're fine OP, he's at breaking point like most people at this time of year.
There's literally a thread about people crying over all sorts over Christmas, but because it's a man, he's not allowed to be weak or make mistakes on here.

shhblackbag · 26/12/2025 23:25

Celestialmoods · 26/12/2025 08:23

This is a perfect example of classic MN double standards and the crazy man haters are all over it. There are plenty of threads from women on here saying that they are upset by their present, all receiving sympathy and understanding and being told that they deserve better.

He reacted badly, but it is it reasonable to be a bit upset when you have been asked what you want for Christmas, then specified an exact thing, and been given something different. Men are not allowed to be disappointed with presents on MN, let alone express it.

Exactly.

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