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Original poster

BIL on his own over xmas

189 replies

098yyiop · 25/12/2025 07:51

Wondering what people's arrangements usually are regarding adult siblings. We never really celebrated Xmas with Dh's family but MIL passed away and now his brother will be alone over Xmas. Dh is spending it with him this year but going forth what do people do about adult siblings if they have no other family?

BIL was a carer for MIL for many years and has never had a partner or friends.

Not sure whether we should alternate Xms from now on, one with him, one with my family? How much do people care if their brother or sister is on their own over Xmas?

OP posts:
Original poster
098yyiop · 25/12/2025 08:05

Yes, my parents wouldnt appreciate having BIL over. BIL would also feel very uncomfortable. As we never host because our house is too small, it would either be us going to my parents or BIL

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 25/12/2025 08:04

I’d host myself and have my family and my BIL to mine, this wouldn’t be a dilemma.

ExperiencedTeacher · 25/12/2025 08:03

Whatever my dad is doing, my uncle is invited. My step mum and her family know this and he’s always welcome. He usually only goes if dad and SM are hosting but the offer is always there. I’d never see mine or my partner’s siblings unwillingly alone at Christmas.

BIossomtoes · 25/12/2025 08:01

Truetoself · 25/12/2025 08:00

@098yyiopyour parents wouldn’t appreciate you being family oriented and considerate and not wanting to leave your BIL alone at Christmas- a time of giving and being together with family?

Weird, isn’t it? I can’t get my head round it.

Meadowfinch · 25/12/2025 08:01

But they won't get to know each other if they don't meet.

I'd host and invite everyone. Hopefully they are all good mannered enough to get on for one day.

Share the cooking, play chess or scrabble, go for a long walk. There must be something they can share.

Bigtreeesss · 25/12/2025 08:01

098yyiop · 25/12/2025 07:58

So on our case we wouldn't host Xmas but always go to my parents. Neither my parents or BIL would appreciate spending Xmas together. They also don't know each other and last time they saw each other was at our wedding twenty years ago.

Spending time together would allow them to get to known each other 🙃

Truetoself · 25/12/2025 08:00

@098yyiopyour parents wouldn’t appreciate you being family oriented and considerate and not wanting to leave your BIL alone at Christmas- a time of giving and being together with family?

Lennonjingles · 25/12/2025 07:59

My Brother comes to us every year, when in laws and parents were alive, it was easier to have them all Christmas Day. We are now down to 3 plus my brother, other son visits his GF’s parents.

Original poster
098yyiop · 25/12/2025 07:58

So on our case we wouldn't host Xmas but always go to my parents. Neither my parents or BIL would appreciate spending Xmas together. They also don't know each other and last time they saw each other was at our wedding twenty years ago.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 25/12/2025 07:56

When any of my siblings has been single, I've always invited them for Christmas. I'm not offended if they don't take up the offer but make sure they know they are welcome.

I would never allow any of my lot to be by themselves and without an invitation if they didn't want to.

mcmuffin22 · 25/12/2025 07:56

Invite him to join in with you is the obvious answer. Unless there are strange dynamics ?

Original poster
098yyiop · 25/12/2025 07:55

I really don't think he would like to come to my parents and my parents also wouldn't appreciate that.

OP posts:
TooTiredToBeCreative · 25/12/2025 07:53

Could you invite BiL to your family?

MiddleAgedDread · 25/12/2025 07:53

How much will he care about being on his own? It wouldn’t bother some people but would others.