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Original poster

DIDNT buy partner’s sister fiancé a gift

107 replies

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 01:49

Hi! Just wanted people’s opinions.. for background Ive been with my partner coming up a year and have only met his mother once, his sister and her fiancé twice. They are marrying next year i will add (late 2026).
So from the start of Xmas gift buying my partner told me that his mother and sister were buying me something small from each of them. I was told not to bother buying his sister’s fiancé a gift as it was not his immediate family plus he wasn’t buying me anything. I also didn’t think blokes were too bothered (met him twice) & it was more for the women of the immediate family like a woman thing. We left it at this happily.
anyways i get in tonight after an evening out with good friends & my partner calls me. It is a normal call speaking about tomorrows plans but then he goes on to say that a week or so ago he was on the phone to his sister and told her very bluntly (just how he is and was harmlessly neutral) that I didn’t get her partner anything. Apparently sister had put him on loudspeaker and her fiancé heard and got quite upset. I was quite taken aback and told him that I was told not to and it wasn’t a big deal as I don’t think a man ive met twice would care so much for a gift from his fiancées brothers girlfriend, im sorry. I included his name in the card so it’s not like I didn’t acknowledge the bloke! It was harmless i was told not to as Hes not immediate family yet & he also hadn’t bought me anything. But now im told by partner that he contributed to the present from the family. I understand that he feels put out and it wouldn’t have hurt to buy him a nice box of chocolates for a few quid but surely this is a little bit OTT? I acknowledged him in the card and I do get on with him i think hes lovely. If I knew that he had contributed to my gift I would of bought him something or given it more thought!
I sent my partner some money tonight and bought the bloke 2 big bars of quality street and a mini box of Lindt, partner kindly wrapped them up and put them in the bag with his sister & mum’s gifts so everyone has presents. I told partner that if anyone says anything to just say I got him something ages ago and it got mislaid in a bag with my brother’s presents but doesn’t this just seem a little bit of a joke? Apparently he was really upset and put out. I asked my partner for his sister‘s contact details to sort it out but he begged me not to mention it as he said she will have a go and take it out on him for telling me.
any opinions? I just hope this is resolved now as Hes now got a present wrapped to be given with the others so no one is left out now. Either way ive definitely learnt my lesson now. Fml xxx lol

OP posts:
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NavyTurtle · 07/01/2026 10:30

Your partner obviously comes from a family of wankers - run for the hills. Could not put up with this shit every Christmas

DPotter · 28/12/2025 18:08

Someone else has mentioned already - your bf is a stirrer and is merrily gaslighting you here. I would be very wary of the lot of them.

You sound quite young / inexperienced. In future if you find someone has bought you a gift which you have not catered for - don't go and buy one for them and pretend it was forgotten. Thank them for the gift, apologise for not realising they were not buying you something and leave it at that. Buy them an extra drink next time you're out with them, or similar.

If you are still together next Christmas, clarify with everyone whose buying gifts for whom well in advance. Do this directly and not via the bf - sorry not getting positive vibes here.

MyBrightPeer · 28/12/2025 17:54

BeMintFatball · 25/12/2025 02:26

I would treat the fiancé as part of the family already. Knowing they are marrying next year ( month irrelevant) I would have bought a joint gift to the couple.

Sorry OP I think you fucked up

No, the partner fucked up if anything. His sister’s fiance, his responsibility for getting the gifts. What a surprise the outrage falls on the woman for not getting the gift.

Waggydoggy · 28/12/2025 17:51

Busybeemumm · 25/12/2025 07:09

I would be very wary of your partner. First he tells you not to bother with a gift, then says you need to get one so close to the day. It feels like a set up to cause you stress. He got an expensive present and didn't think to put your name on it! At best he sounds mean or thoughtless and at worst manipulative and emotionally abusive.

This. Absolutely. Have a think back over the past year and see if he's set you up in other things.

Fiddy1964 · 28/12/2025 15:26

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:57

@HopingForTheBest25 partner never thought to include my name and said it was all being seperate

So, you were expected to buy partners mum and sister seperate presents from your partner and now also to include your partners, sisters fiance?. Yet the sisters' fiance has contributed to the small gifts they have got you?. He wasn't expected to buy seperate gifts, his is from him and your partners sister, yet you and your partner were expected to get seperate gifts for everyone.

BlackCat14 · 28/12/2025 10:33

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:57

@HopingForTheBest25 partner never thought to include my name and said it was all being seperate

I think this whole “being separate” thing is the problem. Why would you AND your boyfriend BOTH buy people gifts. Surely a gift from the two of you fit everyone just makes the most sense? So am I right that your boyfriend bought this guy a gift, but you didn’t get an additional one? Why the hell would you? The sisters fiancé sounds VERY weird that not only is he so bothered about this, but bothered enough to actually raise it and cause tension. But also your boyfriend has been a bit useless here by not just putting your name on the tag.
All the family presents my boyfriend and I give are from both of us. For example, we got both his aunties a Yankee candle. Can’t imagine that being just from him, and me having to go out and buy an additional gift!

Millytante · 28/12/2025 01:09

TamarindCottage · 25/12/2025 09:48

Your first mistake was taking on buying gifts for your partner’s family on HIS behalf! HE should’ve bought them and signed from both of you. Second mistake was being with someone who actively failed to take responsibility for the oversight then acted like it was YOUR fault. Dump him. It won’t get any better

Show quote history

And wasn’t it he (BF) who told her she wasn’t to buy for this strangely affronted man in the first place?
Gah, I’d wash my hands of the lot of them, but this boyfriend most urgently. Who needs all this idiotic protocol and umbrage .

WhyAreWeLikeThis · 28/12/2025 00:47

Count your lucky stars you’re not my daughter

She didn’t sent her boyfriends brothers wife’s sons girlfriend a birthday card (met her once) and she got called out on the family group chat by boyfriends brothers wife (met twice). My daughter was at the time living in a different country

She has now left the group chat

fashionqueen0123 · 28/12/2025 00:13

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:57

@HopingForTheBest25 partner never thought to include my name and said it was all being seperate

That’s awful. I can’t believe he got you to send money and gifts!!

Endorewitch · 28/12/2025 00:12

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:10

I don’t mind buying them presents they don’t cost the earth, it’s once a year, nice thing to do for Christmas plus they bought for me it’s not that, i just dont understand why a bloke ive met twice who is my partner’s sister FIANCÉ is getting so aggy and upset? The mother and sister’s was absolutely fine

Was he so upset?Could your DP have been exaggerating,If so he is very immature. .but having said that,I wouldn't have left him out. He is part of the family.

cherish123 · 28/12/2025 00:09

You don't need to buy for someone you vaguely know. Let your boyfriend/girlfriend get something if they want to. You don't need to.

hollytheheroic · 27/12/2025 21:22

He's got upset that his fiancée's brother's partner didn't get him a gift? Absolutely batshit behaviour which you should shut down asap.

OneNewEagle · 27/12/2025 21:14

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:57

@HopingForTheBest25 partner never thought to include my name and said it was all being seperate

Your partner should have put the gifts he bought for everyone from you as well. Any gifts we give are from both of us (unless it’s a little something from me to a lady I work with but that’s different) that’s how it works.

your partner has made this complicated and I’d wonder why he’s being like that?

Jorge14 · 27/12/2025 19:25

You haven’t done anything wrong, they are a bunch of kids. What man really cares ffs! He should grow a pair. I hope he’s happy with his chocolate, I’m sure this Xmas present from you has changed his life for the better. Feel sorry for you that it’s caused you unnecessary embarrassment

JennyBG · 27/12/2025 19:10

BeMintFatball · 25/12/2025 02:26

I would treat the fiancé as part of the family already. Knowing they are marrying next year ( month irrelevant) I would have bought a joint gift to the couple.

Sorry OP I think you fucked up

No, her husband did. He should have kept his mouth shut, or. Asked his family first.

Theroadt · 25/12/2025 10:33

BeMintFatball · 25/12/2025 02:26

I would treat the fiancé as part of the family already. Knowing they are marrying next year ( month irrelevant) I would have bought a joint gift to the couple.

Sorry OP I think you fucked up

This. I think always err on the side of inclusivity. I bought my BIL (before I married DH) and his fiance small gifts but was told I wasn’t really family so they hadn’t reciprocated. It was a reflection of how they felt about me even after we married. I haven’t seen them for 15 years (though the fizzling out took longer).

HappyAsASandboy · 25/12/2025 10:32

This reads to me like your DP is playing silly buggers with you all for his own amusement.

I absolutely would speak to your DP’s sister next time you see her, because I expect she has a totally different story to tell. Your DP is begging you not to speak to her because that would expose his meddling.

If you think your DP is squeaky clean in this, then it’ll be fine to speak to his sister. Meanwhile keep your eyes open for other red flag behaviour (I found the “I am [Ruth]” series on Ch4 eye-opening for the signs of manipulative/red flag/abusive behaviours.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 25/12/2025 10:32

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 02:57

@HopingForTheBest25 partner never thought to include my name and said it was all being seperate

I would take this as a warning. This is your red flag. If you are young and planning children in the future I would walk away, while running to my car and driving as fast as I could.

He is simply not a partner.

What has he bought for your family and an equivalent random non-family member on your side?

I also apologise for my atrocious typing last night. Combination of no glasses and too many glasses (reading / baileys).

TamarindCottage · 25/12/2025 09:48

UniqueGoldNewt · 25/12/2025 01:49

Hi! Just wanted people’s opinions.. for background Ive been with my partner coming up a year and have only met his mother once, his sister and her fiancé twice. They are marrying next year i will add (late 2026).
So from the start of Xmas gift buying my partner told me that his mother and sister were buying me something small from each of them. I was told not to bother buying his sister’s fiancé a gift as it was not his immediate family plus he wasn’t buying me anything. I also didn’t think blokes were too bothered (met him twice) & it was more for the women of the immediate family like a woman thing. We left it at this happily.
anyways i get in tonight after an evening out with good friends & my partner calls me. It is a normal call speaking about tomorrows plans but then he goes on to say that a week or so ago he was on the phone to his sister and told her very bluntly (just how he is and was harmlessly neutral) that I didn’t get her partner anything. Apparently sister had put him on loudspeaker and her fiancé heard and got quite upset. I was quite taken aback and told him that I was told not to and it wasn’t a big deal as I don’t think a man ive met twice would care so much for a gift from his fiancées brothers girlfriend, im sorry. I included his name in the card so it’s not like I didn’t acknowledge the bloke! It was harmless i was told not to as Hes not immediate family yet & he also hadn’t bought me anything. But now im told by partner that he contributed to the present from the family. I understand that he feels put out and it wouldn’t have hurt to buy him a nice box of chocolates for a few quid but surely this is a little bit OTT? I acknowledged him in the card and I do get on with him i think hes lovely. If I knew that he had contributed to my gift I would of bought him something or given it more thought!
I sent my partner some money tonight and bought the bloke 2 big bars of quality street and a mini box of Lindt, partner kindly wrapped them up and put them in the bag with his sister & mum’s gifts so everyone has presents. I told partner that if anyone says anything to just say I got him something ages ago and it got mislaid in a bag with my brother’s presents but doesn’t this just seem a little bit of a joke? Apparently he was really upset and put out. I asked my partner for his sister‘s contact details to sort it out but he begged me not to mention it as he said she will have a go and take it out on him for telling me.
any opinions? I just hope this is resolved now as Hes now got a present wrapped to be given with the others so no one is left out now. Either way ive definitely learnt my lesson now. Fml xxx lol

Your first mistake was taking on buying gifts for your partner’s family on HIS behalf! HE should’ve bought them and signed from both of you. Second mistake was being with someone who actively failed to take responsibility for the oversight then acted like it was YOUR fault. Dump him. It won’t get any better

Tigerbalmshark · 25/12/2025 09:42

Busyasabumblebee · 25/12/2025 03:22

Did you remember to buy your partner’s sister’s fiancé’s sibling a gift because I fear this might become an issue too?

The partner’s sister’s fiancé’s sibling’s girlfriend’s mum will probably be most offended to be excluded, too

BunnyLake · 25/12/2025 09:31

Well he sounds a wet lettuce doesn’t he!

SoInLuv · 25/12/2025 09:30

Elopeme · 25/12/2025 03:32

Wouldn’t all gifts to his (your partners) side of the family automatically be from him and you?

Why do you personally have to buy extra gifts for each family member (& their spouses)?

Yes! My thoughts exactly 💯

PluckyChancer · 25/12/2025 09:24

You are being unreasonable to not have told your partner to get his arse into gear and buy ALL the gifts for his own family.

Don’t ever start doing ‘wife work’ for him because it will never be appreciated and you’ll get lumbered having to pick up the slack for an increasingly lazy partner forever.

UxmalFan · 25/12/2025 09:21

Joint presents from you both to both of them is the answer in future. This year give him chocolates or a bottle of wine and tell him you don't know what he likes but hope this is OK and its great to be seeing him at Christmas. Who knows whether he teally was upset. Maybe he was joking or exaggerating for some reason, or your DP was.

ThankULord · 25/12/2025 09:19

Your partner sounds quite immature.

That's before I get to the strangeness of his sister and her fiancé.

Your partner needs to grow up. FAST.