To struggle to understand practicing non-believers

As an atheist, I understand this. I would have liked to believe. I was raised to attend church, and I see the benefits of belonging to a community. I find the thought of an after life, and of a purpose to life comforting.

Unfortunately, there is no part of my brain that can admin even the slightest possibility of any of it being true.

You're coming from a very black and white perspective that I think a lot of atheists do. Which is fine. You do you. You're not really hiding your sense of superiority very well though.

I was raised Catholic but would say I'm agnostic. I go to church with my mom when I'm with her (we live in different countries), it makes her happy, and the ritual is comforting to me. I don't believe, but don't not believe, which probably makes no sense to you and that's fine.

Either way, it's very personal and cultural - why are you picking apart her beliefs (or lack thereof)? I take it you don't like her very much?

Good morning! Merry Christmas to you.
Just nipped back about the mention of Communion. This I’d see as pushing it a bit, personally. (For Catholics, and ‘atheist Catholics’; can’t speak re other religions)
Communion is a sacrament requiring certain commitments of its participants, and faith is the Number One.
Not only is partaking of it while not accepting its rôle and central meaning an affront to the faithful in terms of trivialising the sacrament, it would be to use a central spiritual tenet of the faith as a form of performance or fancy dress, a very different category of personal exploration from enjoying the sense of peace and respite one finds in a church, or the beauty of religious art and poetry, and the sense of a community among a congregation in prayer.

I wonder how she explains her reason for taking Communion, intellectually. (Not in self-defence; it’s a genuine enquiry about her position in this regard)

I say all that above as a staunch non-believer all my adult life, though brought up a Catholic, and am very surprised by my instinctive reaction of shock at this!

It s ok to enjoy the rituals and not believe in a god
She explained
the sense of community, tradition, reflection and humility it gives her.

This is what I say to DS2 who is atheist. I do ask him to come to church with me at Easter and Christmas because whether he believes in God or not, its part of my culture and therefore his. And as @BlooomUnleashed said, it is so entwined I dont know where one end and the other begins. My thinking is that, if at any time in his life and wherever he is in the world, he feels like he needs a place to go, he has the option to just go into a Catholic church and just be part of something familiar. The belief in God is almost the least important thing. My DH was brought up by atheists. His mother is Jewish but because she refused to entertain even cultural Judaism that part is lost forever really which I think is a bit of a shame. DH will say he is Jewish ( which genetically he is of course, as are our children) but the only thing they know about Judaism they learnt at school.

There are quite a few books on this topic. Can you recommend one please?

I am a Hindu atheist which is valid path to take and not seen as a contradiction. I don’t believe in god but I’ll accept everything else my religion gives me in terms of rituals, community, food and self reflection within temples.

There are the Sunday Assemblies.

I’m with her.
I love going to church for the supportiveness, sense of community etc and I love a good hymn. But I’m not in the least bit religious.
I think there could be a market for non-religious churches where people come together to do good, support each other and sing a bit.

@Pandorea has put this beautifully.

I think the explanation she has given is very clear and sane.

I am not a person of faith: was raised agnostic but in the CofE tradition but my parents didn’t believe or bother.

I will never be a practicing Christian and can’t get past my scepticism of the faith element of religion. The metaphysical nature of it seems absolutely absurd to me. Not to mention my difficulty with the way the Christian church has treated various people over the years, particularly women and vulnerable children.

But I can see a huge amount of good in faiths (of different kinds) in terms of the community, the ability to provide guidance and support to people in trouble, the moral compass and the general social infrastructure.

I know I will never get past the metaphysical block but I sometimes wish I could just to get the sense of belonging and support.

My mum was a practicing non-believer and had been her entire life. I think this is true of many Catholics.

My sons are Catholic, as am I, and staunchly atheist. They still both suggested we go to mass yesterday, for old times’ sake. The pub proved the more attractive option in the end.

Catholic churches are very similar around the world.

The mass is word for word the same but in the local language, you do occasionally get a Latin mass and occasionally a sung mass.

It can feel like 'coming home'

It sounds like she is open minded either way.

I don’t totally believe in the theory that if you treat people kindly they’ll ultimately treat you the same way. But I also don’t totally disbelieve it. So I generally take roughly that approach to my life.

If it turns out to be proven totally true, then Im all good. If it turns out not to be, Ive not really lost out.

That’s possibly an easier version to relate to. But principle is the same.

Absence of proof is not proof of absence.

There’s a book called the Christian atheist which explains this well. People like the traditions, structure, community etc even though they do not believe that the bible is true. The vast majority of practicing Christians in the U.K. do not believe in the literal truth but still find comfort and enjoy church. I work for the church and it never ceases to amaze me how many people are like this

I have lived in Italy for the last 30 years. The culture and Catholicism appear (to me) to be so intertwined that I can’t work out where one ends and the other begins.

And despite being offically CoE (non believing, non practising) I’ve turned into an agnostic, semi-practising, non-official, Catholic.

I can’t explain it. It just happened. And rather than dissect it, I’m just letting it go where it wants to go.

By any chance were you, like me, brought up in a religious family for whom the key question was ‘but what is true?’

If so, once that belief falls away it can seem that doing anything else religious is hypocritical or empty.

I’ve shifted my view though and now feel that a huge amount of the value of religion is unconnected to its truth value.

That seems to be what your son’s girlfriend is expressing.

I still wouldn’t personally practice, as to me, truth is still the central question and to me it would feel empty and hypocritical. But I now think those practicing non-believers are doing something quite wise that I dismissed for too long.

I probably wouldn’t get caught up too much in this. I would re-focus on my own beliefs and leave hers well alone. Each to their own.

This. I do the same. I don't believe, but I do enjoy the ceremony and the community if a church gathering, especially if it's in a beautiful church. I can admire others belief, even envy it a bit, and I like contemplating mans historical connections with "God".

She has explained it very clearly but perhaps you are thinking that in her position you would behave differently? But she's not you and has had a different upbringing.

Culture is different to religious beliefs. At school we sang hymns and Christmas carols, and I enjoyed it. It is part of my upbringing. The fact that I don’t believe in a God has nothing to do with it.

I dont know what to describe myself as. I am certainly not an atheist.I believe in a supreme form of life which created the universe - it didnt get there on its own. But have no conception of what form that life may take. There may be more than one of them. I dont belong to any particular religion and never could. I dont believe its necessary to go into a particular building and do particular things to acknowledge that there is a supreme being. I am also fascinated in an academic way by the concept of religion and what other people believe. I like to hear about their views and their rituals and to ask questions in a respectful way. Ive had many conversations with Moslems, Jews, and Hindus as I live in a diverse area.

She's explained why. Doubt there's much more to it than that really.