To struggle to understand practicing non-believers

It does seem as though when she stopped believing, she simply continued some practices that she doesn't mind and dropped the others. I'm not sure it's any deeper than that but it can seem a bit complex when trying to explain or intellectualise it. Otherwise, it’s not really a big deal.

I'm the same way except not catholic. There are some things about the church (such as the contemporary gospel songs) I still participate in from time to time without believing in everything.

I dont think you need to understand. I think you just need to accept. She sounds like a mature and articulate young woman, and its difficult to explain further than she has.

I feel the same as her. I enjoy the convening. I enjoy a good hymn and a well delivered, thought provoking sermon.

Has the discussion on this thread helped you understand her better OP?

Nothing unusual or difficult to understand here. She has a paradoxical relationship with her religious faith. Most intelligent people do!

Do you generally find paradox difficult to come to terms with? My best friend can never accept that the longest route between two points on the map may be the fastest in journey time.😂

I wonder how she explains her reason for taking Communion, intellectually. (Not in self-defence; it’s a genuine enquiry about her position in this regard)
I do this and, to be honest, I can't explain it. I could easily go up for a blessing but I don't. I cant justify it. I go up umming and aahing about what to do and take communion. I cant explajn it or intellectualise it. I thought it was to show other people subconsiously but I do it in the C of E too when no one cares and the people I know know I'm not C of E. ( tbh no one knows me or cares in the Catholic church either as its a Cathedral, so massive)

I’ve had the feeling since about 2015 that the flow away from the Christian Church had reached it’s height. And now we are at the start of the pendulum swinging back the other way.

Personally I’ve gone from staunch atheist to …. whatever you call twice daily prayers of gratitude and going to mass when I can get into town. Originally I thought it was just me and the result of Catholicism by Osmosis due to living in rural Italy for so long. But I kept on seeing signs (or my algorithm is fooling me into seeing signs) of something of a Christianity revival on the horizon.

I would call myself a cultural Christian. I no longer have much belief but still find a lot of meaning in the traditions of the church. Judging by the huge number of people at the service we attended last night, lots of people feel this way.

Reading between the lines it does sound like there’s a small part of her that believes, if not in catholic teachings exactly, but that there may be a god. i bet she will become fully christian again in her old age.

I was brought up Catholic but I wouldn't take communion because I'm not practicing but it can be a bit performative at times. I noticed my Dad (who also did not believe but was brought up Catholic) took communion at weddings and funerals of direct family members where he felt it was his duty to not embarrass the family by looking like an atheist - I was comfortable with being called an atheist.

I’ve never taken communion because I am not a believer (and not baptised), so to me it seems disrespectful to take a sacrament. I totally would if I had faith.

I think if you believe, you take communion seriously. If you don’t, you don’t see the issue with taking it so do it anyway. When I used to go to Catholic Mass (as my kids went to catholic school), I’d take it, but it meant nothing.

I’m an atheist but was brought up C of E, was christened and then baptized when I was older.
I don’t attend church and generally dislike a lot of what organised religion stands for.

I do like the community of a church, miss the sense of belonging and love a sing song. So I’ll go to a carol service or midnight mass happily. I would be respectful but possibly tipsy.

I don’t pray and I’d never take communion though, I think that’s a step too far. I don’t know why it makes me uncomfortable if I don’t believe but it does.

I think this all feels complex if you’ve been raised a religion and left it. That stuff hangs on even if you don’t want it to! The traditions and practices are comforting for some still.

Thats one of the things I love about Judaism: that sense of following community tradition and heritage coming ahead of petty questions about doctrine which seem to plague Christianity.

I realise I may be trivialising this through ignorance but I really admire and almost envy Jewish people their ability to make faith important to people who have suspended their beliefs. It’s partly what makes it so powerful.

I'm neither religious nor believing, but I live in a different European country which is more culturally religious than the UK and I have come to see it in a different way.

Here Christianity is taught as a set of common morals and ideals to refer back to as a community. So one can feel part of a Christian community while mainly trying to live by these ideals. The bible stories, ideas of God/Jesus/heaven/hell etc can be thought of as metaphors to illustrate a point rather than literal truth, and the priest/pastor/etc (I don't know all the roles properly) is sort of a counsellor/advisor type person who can help people think things through in terms of when they have a moral dilemma or don't know what is the right thing to do.

I think it's quite nice; it's not so much about judging people for getting things wrong, which is the thing I always found uncomfortable about religion. It's more about agreeing on a set of rules to live by and trying to help each other with that.

Well technically you're right, but she's in bloody good company (several million on any given Sunday, and today, for sure).

Rituals and rites are deeply reassuring for many people. There's the connection to community, to a shared history, and also a sense of stability in the repetition of it all.

I think it's very understandable.

At church last night they invited anyone who had been baptised in any denomination up for communion as it ‘can mean different things to everyone’. And if you wanted a blessing but weren’t baptised you were invited up for that. It was lovely.

Judaism is a religion of tradition, not belief so I don’t see any conflict in doing the rituals as an agnostic. I also have children so it’s important to me that they find some comfort and familiarity in the activities so they have that in their adult life if they need to call on it.

She sounds like a cracking potential daughter in law.

Generally I'd agree with everyone - she's explained it very clearly - if you are brought up in a faith, you can often find churches very calming places, that give you a real sense of peace - a place to think and feel connected. Prayer is a form of meditation after all (very few Christians really expect prayer to be answered, it's just a way of processing what's going on in your life, and learning to live alongside it).

Technically Catholics shouldn't take communion unless they believe it's actually Christ's body and blood and are in a state of grace (ie no mortal sins that haven't be atoned for) - but there will be v few Catholics on this earth who haven't done this at some point if not regularly. I'm guessing a lot don't literally believe in transubstantiation these days, for a start. So I can see why she doesn't think it's a big deal - Catholicism is rather the glam rock of Christianity, I always think.

she said she felt the sense of community, tradition, reflection and humility it gives her

She's answered your question right there.

If people's lives are improved even in a small way by attending church then that's a good thing. No judgement here.

I think if you weren’t brought up in a catholic country it can be hard to imagine what a massive part of life it is - I grew up in Malta and every major festival involved the church in some way. It probably feels as normal to her to pop into a church, as us celebrating Christmas as non-believers does.

I’m an atheist and find this pretty easy to understand. She was raised in the religion and is culturally a part of it, it brings her comfort and community. And her ramblings about there may be a God basically say… she wishes she believed in God but she can’t fully commit to the belief itself.

She wants to be religious but just isn’t. She takes communion in a desperate hope.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, and I mustn’t detain you today.
Quick reaction is that I know damn well it makes no difference to me, or to anyone else on Earth, and it’s entirely her affair yet still, I feel this goes too far and she has greatly undermined herself with her explanation.
She's entered mere rôle play with this, and just sounds like any other rather entitled cultural moocher, instead of a person with a soulful response to sanctity despite a lack of faith in a deity.
If she can hijack such a hallowed part of a faith with a shrug of the shoulders, she isn’t a serious person at all, and it’s all just a performance, an indulgence of self-regard.

Harrumph! So, having sounded off like an affronted bishop, I’ll leave you in peace! 🎄

It sounds as if she values what she gets from the aspects of religion which are meaningful to her at present, while keeping an open mind about the bits she's not sure about.