Xmas is just not the same with teenage DC- feeling sorry for myself self

Do all saying OP and DP should be a team and he is wrong for going elsewhere just think what you would say if it was the other way round. If OP was complaining that her DP was inviting his mother or sister without consulting OP it would be awful and him so in the wrong.
OP’s DH is taking himself out of the autos that OP doesn’t have to choose between them, can’t see what he is doing wrong here.

I think it may have been better to do two Christmas days one with your parents and brother and one with your family. I’m guessing db has put your family through a lot in the past. I think dp has got a point as it’s his home to. My advice would be never give an answer in the moment always say you’ll think about it. I have learnt this the hard way! As for Christmas Eve you can still do nice things together light trails, going out for food or a walk make new traditions if the teens tag along it’s up to them. I guess you could do some of these things after Christmas too.

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I hope you get some sleep @Whitegrenache

If DP insists, well take some time to think it all over and try and talk about it later. The kids can muck in and help. It’s shit but don’t let it ruin your day completely, there is always support here too. Emotions can run so high we don’t all make the best decisions. You haven’t made an easy choice either. Be kind to yourself and remind DP that it’s not your ideal scenario either. See if you can pull together, I hope so. You said your kids are fab and that’s worth so much ❤️

Is the real problem that you've realised your children are growing up and it will soon just be you and your DH?

I get there is an adjustment period when 'santy' is no longer a thing. Try to keep old traditions while also making new ones. Christmas can still be magical, it really is what you make it.

Your DH on the other hand doesn't very nice. You dont need his permission to spend time with your family. Imagine your children didnt see you at Christmas because their partners said no. Hes being unfair.

I get it op, my dds were both working all day and announced they were both going out. 13 year olds been a bit out of sorts, slept from 2pm yday till 6.45 this morning and then fell asleep at 8 tonight (think he's maybe going through a growth spurt as wev have the flu already). So first Xmas not all sat round the table having a buffet then into Xmas pj's and games. It almost feels like I'm pretending it's Xmas eve. I've liked the calmness of it all though.

In a few years you can all go to the pub for a couple of drinks on Xmas eve together..

Your dp does however sound like a dick and id just try enjoy your day the best you can without him.

I like Christmas with teens but that doesn’t seem to be the issue based on your posts?

Whilst on the face of it it’s unreasonable that your DP is leaving you all to it tomorrow I do think he’s right that it’s his house and his Christmas as well and you should have discussed your DB coming with him before agreeing. Did you really just agree without talking to him first? My DH has a difficult sibling who has made various family occasions difficult over the years and I’d be furious if he invited them without a proper discussion and my agreement.

My bil is same. But he lives with pil so I wouldn't not ask him. Dh can't stand him. Tmw will be awkward

Please your partner not your mum and dad, its your partners home.

Honestly I've dealt with difficult family dynamics and I think it's such a problem when people with issues that cause stress like your db are prioritised, your Dp has a right to say he doesn't want him there and you've ignored him.

I've been in that position and it's shit

Sorry but I'm with your husband. It's his house too and you should have discussed it at least especially as others have said 'you're a team'. Why is it your decision. Doesn't sound like a nice xmas for him.

I’m really sorry OP. It doesn’t sound easy, and it’s one thing for DP to be frustrated about it, pissed off even, but you grin and bear these things sometimes and support the person you love because it’s hard for them too.

We are an odd blended family and it’s not easy, my kids spent all night in their rooms too. But if we’re not in it together what’s the point.

Perhaps you should/could have talked to DP first and maybe you can say that next time you will, and wish you had. But it’s not like you’ve just gone on and done what you wanted regardless, you’ve tried to deal with something difficult. Can’t DP support you and then do a collective sigh of relief when you shut the door after everyone leaves and relax together after that?

Your DP doesn't sound very nice, sorry. You are bending over backwards to make everyone happy at Christmas and he is not supporting you. Perhaps you should indeed have discussed having your DB over with him but his reaction is petty, mean and manipulative.
I think the DC being teenagers is a red herring though perhaps you are nostalgic for a time when all the focus was on them and the dynamics were easier?

I don’t see why you’re focusing on Christmas not being the same with teenagers when the issue is clearly your DH and your DB.

It doesn’t sound like the teens are an issue in all honesty, it’s the obligation from your parents and your partners response to that. To absent himself completely is unfair - you’re supposed to be a team.

My two are teens and Christmas definitely has a different vibe to the early years, but they’re also more able to muck in and help, they’re more appreciative that Christmas doesn’t just happen and more able to reciprocate. My DD14 is so excited to give me her gift because “I got you something extra special because you work so hard for us”. They may not believe in Santa and magic, but they’re still good fun. Maybe rethink your idea of what Christmas is and how you include your teens in that.

I think the issue you have is mostly a dp problem. Your brother is coming this year, not ideally what you would choose but I think it’s fair to give him a chance. If it’s bad say no in future years.
its one day, I think your dp needs to be an adult and spend the day supporting you and being with his kids.
Christmas is different with teens but not necessarily a disaster. Things change. For better and worse. Hopefully one day you’ll end up with grandchildren then you can revisit the scenario from an entirely different perspective different perspective!

Your DP is fucking off and not having Christmas dinner with you and his own children?

You’re supposed to be a team!