Had a disagreement with a friend this evening - who is unreasonable?

Not something I'd buy for anyone and not something I'd like to see anyone wearing out of their home BUT it's none of her business and it's not a safeguarding issue !!

Stop explaining yourself to your friend. Just change the subject. Yabu for even entertaining her criticism of you.

She sounds a tad unhinged!

Honestly, this is a good point. If a dad bought that for his teenage daughter, it would seem quite inappropriate, and I might well wonder what exactly his relationship dynamic was with his daughter. It would come across as nearly predatory.

It doesn't have those same creepy vibes for me with a mother buying it for her son, but I guess I could understand the friend's reaction if she was trying to make a point, rather than seriously thinking OP was shagging her son. Although it still seems like an overreaction.

This. Subjecting the people he will encounter (or more precisely: anyone who will see this him wearing this shirt) to that particular brand of „humour“ is something I personally certainly wouldn’t want to encourage.

The T-shirt sounds gross, I’d cringe if I saw someone wearing it. Like a junior Benny Hill or something.

Not something I would do with my kids but hey

personally i wouldnt buy it but it is your choice, your son

To which the reply is “Does it surprise you that people wonder what you’re up to when you are proudly starting a conversation about your adult son’s cock, and he’s wearing a tee inviting others to join the pair of you in that cutesy little chat? It’s all very very weird and enmeshed: psychologically, what’s in it for you and why are you being so angry and defensive about it?”

If it's an 'around the house' shirt or nightwear, it would be fine.

Otherwise, I think it's rather confrontational in a way, for a man to wear something that references his 'cock' - even if it is in jest. I'm fine with that sort of humour in the home or amongst friends, so on a mug or pyjamas, but I wouldn't be happy for my son to represent himself that way in public.

YABU for encouraging your son to wear penis-themed clothing where the 'joke' is to draw attention to your son's 'cock' through a play on words - it's crass and crude, and makes a terrible first impression if worn out in public.

But your friend sounds rather unhinged in her response.

I would go mental if my friend suggested I was sleeping with my son over a crass jokey tshirt. That is more of the issue and I would call her out on that disgusting comment. And honestly, all these uptight people commenting on the tshirt - he's 18, its a bit vulgar but so what? Get a life.

Being honest, I don't like slogan t-shirts or smut.
It's none of my business what other people enjoy.

Crass t shirt, some people will think so but not say so it if he wears it out.

I don’t think it’s an appropriate gift from a parent to DC.

T shirts like that worn out is also a ‘male privilege’ thing - women who like that kind of humour would often not feel safe wearing it out due to unwanted male reactions.

Friend was not U to say she disliked it but was U to make a big deal of it and say those extreme things. Had she been drinking?

If it’s the first time she’s done anything like this and is otherwise a good friend, I’d get over it, especially since you say you don’t have many friends and have an abusive H.

This is probably right, the friend should have said nothing and just swerved OP in future.

Sounds grim all round

Humour is so subjective - sometimes it is hard to understand, let alone share, why some people find some things funny (eg. Mrs Brown's boys!!)

Your friend was harsh in her comments to you and really shouldn't have said anything. Best thing she could have done would have been to change the subject and just acknowledge that there is no need to ask you to explain yourself.

I do think it is really weird, though, for you to buy your son a t-shirt referencing his cock. Very strange. When he wears it, people are bound to ask him about it and when he says that his mother bought it for him, I can imagine that some will think it weird as well.

I think that’s a horrible , disgusting thing to buy your son, I’d be ashamed if I had an 18 year old son and he was wearing that.

If this was a dad buying his daughter a t-shirt with a cat on it saying “Stop staring at my p*y Mumsnet would be outraged. It’s no different for a mum to buy it for a son.

Tell her to get her knickers out of a twist silly woman.
He is your son me and my sons laugh at funny rude cards they are 22 & 24 I'm glad we all have a sense of humour .
Don't fret about her silly opinions.

How does anyone know it’s ironic? Is he actually going to go out in it? Your friend is unreasonable but the t-shirt is awful

I imagine she was implying that it was the kind of thing one might only buy for someone who you are in an intimate relationship with?! Might you have misunderstood her line of questioning?

The shagging your son comment alone should see her binned off by you. Is she always this stupid, or was she drunk?

If she did, what of it?

Maybe OP accidentally touched a very raw nerve with her friend?

Think I agree with this.
OK, she didn't like the t-shirt. That's fine. What's not fine is talking to you like that at a social event, like her opinion just had to be aired and shoot you down. It's none of her business. To go so far as to say that to you is very arrogant.
Had she had a lot to drink?