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Original poster

to be very upset about my dad’s behaviour on Christmas

34 replies

LorettaY · 24/12/2025 19:45

My parents have been divorced for years and as a result I spend Christmas with other year. But we still met last week to have our own celebration.

first I’ve had the year from hell - 4 bereavements, laid off, partner left. Diagnosed with depression and been in therapy for months.

Tonight while I’m relaxing with family he
messages and ask if I sent him a Christmas card. I said sorry I didn’t manage this year (because these kinds of small tasks have fallen by the wayside). Said he’ll get one next year.

He went on a huge guilt trip about how could I, he’s my father, how stressful is it to do something simple. I again said I’ve had depression and I’ve been overwhelmed and then he sent a nasty reply. I ended up in floods of tears and a relative messaged asking him to stop and he replied stay out of it!

we’ve always had a good relationship and I’m honestly floored by how nasty he has been. He has ruined my Christmas Eve.

OP posts:
Original poster
LorettaY · 24/12/2025 21:07

Also me missing the card giving for one year is not an excuse for him to behave in this way. I was at breaking point and even seeing him on that day took a lot.

i then said he’d get a next card next time and he replies ‘just don’t bother’. It’s not on.

OP posts:
Original poster
LorettaY · 24/12/2025 21:01

@OriginalUsername2 and @Pineapplewaves he doesn’t drink (unless that has changed) but he is alone. He split up with his ex last year.

being alone and feeling sorry for himself doesn’t give him a reason to berate me and ruin my Christmas Eve.

im not going to respond to him now but it’s given me food for thought. Not good.

OP posts:
Pineapplewaves · 24/12/2025 20:00

He’s entitled to be upset that you didn’t send him a card (you could have given him one last week when you saw him). You have a valid reason why you didn’t send him one.

His behaviour over it is unacceptable - is he spending Christmas alone and upset about it? Has he been drinking? I suggest you block him for a few days until he calms down and apologises, that way he can’t call you or send anymore messages.

Anewuser · 24/12/2025 19:56

He’s trying to guilt you into spending the day with him. If he can’t be happy, he wants you to be unhappy too.

AbzMoz · 24/12/2025 19:55

He sounds selfish and frankly cruel to take that line on Xmas eve evening. Is he lonely and pissed, and spoiling for a fight/attention?

There’s nothing you can do about it now, other than push it to the back of your mind. Maybe mute him in case he decides to go for round two tomorrow, and try and enjoy your time as much as possible with the family. hope the new year brings good things your way

OriginalUsername2 · 24/12/2025 19:53

I’d just reply “Don’t be so bloody ridiculous” but when you’ve had a shit year like that it will hit harder.

Is he alone drinking or something?

Original poster
LorettaY · 24/12/2025 19:50

@Anewuser it’s the fact he knew I was visiting family and so looking forward to a relaxing time.

and yet he chooses tonight to start an argument. He could’ve mentioned the card thing at another time. It’s totally unacceptable. He’s got no regard for the impact on my mental health this year at all.

OP posts:
Anewuser · 24/12/2025 19:48

Turn your phone off and ignore him now.

You're not going to change how he feels so the conversation may as well wait until after Christmas. He hasn’t ruined your Christmas yet, just eve.

Original poster
LorettaY · 24/12/2025 19:46

I spent Christmas with him every other year*

we also met last week to have our own Christmas Day.

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