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Original poster

to be very upset about my dad’s behaviour on Christmas

34 replies

LorettaY · 24/12/2025 19:45

My parents have been divorced for years and as a result I spend Christmas with other year. But we still met last week to have our own celebration.

first I’ve had the year from hell - 4 bereavements, laid off, partner left. Diagnosed with depression and been in therapy for months.

Tonight while I’m relaxing with family he
messages and ask if I sent him a Christmas card. I said sorry I didn’t manage this year (because these kinds of small tasks have fallen by the wayside). Said he’ll get one next year.

He went on a huge guilt trip about how could I, he’s my father, how stressful is it to do something simple. I again said I’ve had depression and I’ve been overwhelmed and then he sent a nasty reply. I ended up in floods of tears and a relative messaged asking him to stop and he replied stay out of it!

we’ve always had a good relationship and I’m honestly floored by how nasty he has been. He has ruined my Christmas Eve.

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Original poster
LorettaY · 26/12/2025 08:54

@thepariscrimefiles i wished him merry Christmas because he was alone and I didn’t want a serious rift at that point.

but I agree about pulling back. And he was supportive in general but for example he questioned me getting therapy - he’s ignorant about mental health. The fact he ignored my explanation for how I’ve struggled and he IGNORED it to give a nasty reply is a big deal to me.

Im supposed to see him at at a family get together in a week but im still very hurt.

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thepariscrimefiles · 26/12/2025 06:55

LorettaY · 25/12/2025 14:26

He hasn’t apologised. He replied to my Christmas message with a similar greeting though.

im not going to grey rock quite yet but I won’t forget this and won’t be in a rush to meet up with him as much in future.

Parents are supposed to help and support their children when they are going through a hard time.

Your dad is selfish and uncaring and utterly ridiculous to make such a horrible fuss about a Christmas card.

I wouldn't have wished him Merry Christmas. I'd pull right back and concentrate on myself and people who actually love and care for me.

Original poster
LorettaY · 26/12/2025 01:06

@Olderbutt i really don’t know where his obsession with getting a card comes from.

years ago when I was about 18 I forgot to send a Father’s Day card and he lost the plot then as well. Thinking back I’d again had a bereavement at that time. I struggle to keep on top of life admin when I’m depressed. He has no compassion .

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Olderbutt · 26/12/2025 01:02

If you've seen him personally, like you mentioned, why does he need a card? The older I get, the more I think Christmas cards for people you see regularly are a waste of resources, time and money. Birthday cards are a different matter.

Original poster
LorettaY · 26/12/2025 00:53

@OhamIreally he handed me a card when I saw him. He’s really weird about them. One year it got lost in the post and he was obsessed about it.

@Theslummymummy absolutely! He messaged me multiple times today being nice and wishing me a good day (but still no apology). I’ll get back to him briefly tomorrow - was just not willing to play nice or call him after he ruined my Christmas Eve.

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Theslummymummy · 26/12/2025 00:46

Fucking hell, how important is a frigging card

OhamIreally · 26/12/2025 00:41

Did he send you a card?

themerchentofvenus · 25/12/2025 14:39

@LorettaY I didn't send cards this year. Too tired. I instead made a donation to a local charity as it made it seem a more charitable/Christian thing to do.

I would message your dad and say that you did not like how rude he was yesterday, you've had a really tough year and were too drained to send cards, and you would have thought he would understand that, not berate you and make you feel even worse.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 25/12/2025 14:31

Im sorry you've had such a crap year. I hope next year is better for you.

Sounds like you've handled your dad's tantrum in exactly the right way. Have a lovely day with the family that love and value you.

Original poster
LorettaY · 25/12/2025 14:26

He hasn’t apologised. He replied to my Christmas message with a similar greeting though.

im not going to grey rock quite yet but I won’t forget this and won’t be in a rush to meet up with him as much in future.

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Vaxtable · 25/12/2025 09:25

I would just text back your childish behaviour now insures no Christmas card ever again

ASimpleLampoon · 25/12/2025 09:23

You don't have to maintain a relationship with someone who treats you like shit, just because his sperm helped create you

Meadowfinch · 25/12/2025 08:34

Anewuser · 24/12/2025 19:48

Turn your phone off and ignore him now.

You're not going to change how he feels so the conversation may as well wait until after Christmas. He hasn’t ruined your Christmas yet, just eve.

This. He's behaving like a self-centred petulant toddler. Probably in drink.

Block him for today, and unblock him tomorrow.

Original poster
LorettaY · 25/12/2025 08:26

I am going to wish him Merry Christmas by message and leave it at that. I don’t feel like phoning him now.

We almost had a big fallout 5 years ago when he was nasty. I told him then if he kept on our relationship was in jeopardy.

Merry Christmas everyone.

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FenceBooksCycle · 25/12/2025 07:34

If he was a decent parent he'd be more worrying about you and what support you need rather than selfishly focusing on what he can get from you. Yanbu but it's not your job to fix him or teach him how to be a good person. You don't need his approval if his approval requires you to prioritise giving him stuff over your own physical and mental wellbeing. Keep on as you are, you aren't doing anything wrong and it's totally ok to not do cards if it's too much

BeepBoopBop · 25/12/2025 07:23

Text him ‘Merry Christmas xxx’ then turn your phone off and have a lovely day.

WhatTheFuk · 25/12/2025 01:32

So you had an early Christmas Day with him last week, gave him gifts, and tonight he is berating you for not giving him a card? This is ridiculous. Most people I know don’t do cards at all. What a mean-spirited man. Does he treat you appallingly in other ways, too?

OriginalUsername2 · 25/12/2025 00:33

Let him contact you. Hopefully with an apology!

Personally that’s what I’d do and if I heard nothing over Christmas I’d call after a few days and ask what all that nonsense was about on Christmas Eve.

In the grand scheme of things you say he’s been a good dad, so I don’t think it’s a “go no contact” situation but I’d definitely want him to know I don’t take too kindly to ridiculous behaviour like that.

Original poster
LorettaY · 25/12/2025 00:28

@ClareBlue thank you. I agree with everything you said and feel glad someone else sees it!

other relatives saying I should wish him happy Christmas is fine but I don’t think I can bring myself to do that. I worry he’ll use ‘didn’t even wish me happy Christmas’ as another stick to beat me with though.

im very sad. I’ve made such progress in therapy and then my own father makes me unravel on Xmas eve. Feel so let down.

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ClareBlue · 25/12/2025 00:18

I'm sick of reading about family members being really mean to other members and then thinking there are no consequences and their pathetic and nasty behaviour should just be overlooked because they are family.
He was really mean to you at a tough time for you over a fecking Christmas card. And it's you worrying about if you need to say happy Christmas to him with or without an apology.
Why do these toxic individuals think their little temper tantrums and bad behaviour should have such a massive impact on their families. Just ignore him and leave him to stew in his own self entitled little world.

Original poster
LorettaY · 24/12/2025 23:29

Would I be wrong to not wish him Merry Christmas tomorrow?

given the lack of apology.

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Original poster
LorettaY · 24/12/2025 22:55

@Endofyear this has been the worst year of my life. Hands down. He knows how hard it has been.

and yet he does this on Christmas Eve - I think if he doesn’t apologise or doubles down I will find it difficult to move on from this.

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Endofyear · 24/12/2025 22:33

I would block him for the next few days at least. How unkind of him to have a go at you over something so ridiculous 🙄 it's a bloody card! I hope he apologises to you when he's calmed down.

Original poster
LorettaY · 24/12/2025 21:16

@somanychristmaslights exactly. He messages saying ‘I’ve told you before I’d rather have a card then any gift’. Ok? Well this year I didn’t manage it. I manage it every other year.

i agree with others saying he’s lonely and punishing me.

i frankly don’t want to speak him tomorrow but family is urging me to call him on Christmas. He’s not apologised.

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somanychristmaslights · 24/12/2025 21:13

LorettaY · 24/12/2025 21:07

Also me missing the card giving for one year is not an excuse for him to behave in this way. I was at breaking point and even seeing him on that day took a lot.

i then said he’d get a next card next time and he replies ‘just don’t bother’. It’s not on.

Cards are a waste of time, money and paper. Don’t feel guilty, you saw him last week, who cares about a card.
if block him for a few days so you can enjoy yourself and not have to worry about him. Focus on yourself and have a lovely Christmas x

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