Am I asking too much do you think four months into dating?

If he wanted too hie would. Now whether he doesnt because hes not a text person, or because hes not as invested... thats the question.

But I will just send a wee check in message at night - hope you had a lovely day or whatever - and it's like he has died for two days.

I'm not one for lots of texts, but anyone who sends a how are you type message gets a reply same day. I don't think that's an unreasonable expectations. It might be short and sweet and not opening up a chat though.

Every day is a lot. Every 2-3 days is more reasonable. Which shows you how variable this is, very personal preference.

I would say though that you need to take things at face value. If he doesn't message loads now, he won't do so in the future either. Your choice how much it bothers you, but this is who he is.

My DH never has his phone on and is terrible with replying. It will take him hours to reply to an urgent message. His relatives don't hear from him for months. He was like this when we were dating, he is like this now. It doesn't bother me hugely as I'm used to it but other people find him infuriating.

@MrsTerryPratchett "This is part of the eternal piece of advice in relationships; always compromise, never compromise. At the same time." So true.

Some of us just aren't messagy people. It wouldn't bother me not to receive messages and me not sending them wouldn't 'mean' anything was wrong.

Once a day would seem like the correct amount to me, I'd much rather a proper chat when he has time than a back and forth leaving you slightly anxious about how long it's taking to reply.

In the olden days, we didn’t have messaging and I think we were a lot happier. The fact that you CAN message all the time now means that you SHOULD message all the time. The expectation is high. Not everyone wants to be tethered to a phone, and typically men can compartmentalise better than women. I don’t think constant messaging and the expectation of it is healthy.

Having said that, if you want a message every day, communicate that as a need if it is one. Tell him it’s important. He either will or won't. If he won’t, and it’s important, get rid. He’s not your one.

This is part of the eternal piece of advice in relationships; always compromise, never compromise. At the same time.

If he wanted to, he would. I think you’re far more invested here than he is. I’d take things slowly, you still don’t know him very well yet.
Perhaps speak to him about your expectations of contact when you’re not together and see how that goes.