Am I asking too much do you think four months into dating?

I disagree. I don't like playing message hockey.
I talk to people when I'm with them and only message friends when arranging something. I hate having message conversations. They just interrupt my day.

Goodness this is too much! Once a day is more than enough - I wouldn’t expect that myself. But if your needs to communicate don’t align, maybe he’s not for you.

I’ve been seeing someone for four months. It’s more of a situationship and we don’t live in the same city. But we always message multiple times a day, and FaceTime pretty much every day as well.

I think I would feel the same as you, that he either isn’t that invested, or his communication preferences just aren’t a fit for what I want from someone I’m dating.

He’s not that into you. Sorry. And you know this as you’re asking others.

LOL communication is everyone’s love language! It’s how and when you communicate that differs. Text messages can’t be a love language, surely.

It wouldn't be good enough for me because communication is my love language.

I would want daily contact with someone I consider my boyfriend, don’t take much time to send just one message.
Everyone does have different communication styles, but it would drive me mad not to have someone on the same wavelength but if everything else is perfect, maybe it’s worth just seeing how it goes.

He’s having time with his DC, I’d accept that and not expect a message but I would on Christmas Day. I don’t think it matters who messages who first.

I don’t think text messages between meeting is necessarily indicative of much really, so long as the other relationship needs are being met. It’s just attitude to text contact, which many people get nothing from. If you need it (and that’s ok), then speak to him. If he’s a decent guy he will make the effort to text a bit more.

I would feel like a daily text felt like an obligation, especially if it was every night at the same time or something. Nothing wrong with you wanting that but nor is there with him not wanting it. I'd just message as and when you want to at this stage, four months is nothing.

How did we manage before mobile phones! Seriously though a quick check in is reasonable if that’s what you want but anything more is excessive. Having said that some people like regular communication and others don’t. Only you know if regular messaging is important to you.

@MrsTerryPratchett I agree. Its so individual.

He probably just doesn't like messaging that much, which would be fine for me. I hate the good morning, goodnight and check in type messages. Today for example I've done nothing worthy of broadcast. Supermarket, pub, sofa. Nobody needs to be informed of that.

If a man I was dating expected daily texts, I'd run a mile. And I absolutely hate the "how's your day" updates. Nonsensical waste of time BS.

I ended up with a man who barely texts and I'm ok with that part of his personality in particular.

And that's my point. It's very personal.

Isn’t this the point though?

For some people it’s too much, for some not enough.

There are no hard and fast rules. What works for one person, doesn’t for another. Dating is about trying someone out to see if they fit you, not whether they do things according to an algorithm of ‘right’ ways.

I see it like this. There are things you need (non-negotiable), things you want (more so), nice to have (negotiable) and red lines you don’t want (back to non-negotiable. There are things everyone should know (consent etc.) but so much is personal taste and comfort levels.

OP doesn’t like what she’s getting. She can communicate and see if he does more happily. Or not.

But that doesn’t mean anyone is wrong.

For example my friend who is dating currently loves sexual content in messages from the start. I think she’s utterly insane and attracting terrible dickheads. But it works for her. She gets what she needs. There’s someone for everyone.

You're not wrong.... he's not wrong, it's just what different people need,

That wouldn't work for me - I like to keep in touch (not excessively I don't think, but definitely daily unless someone is away/working all day etc). For me it's part of building emotional intimacy.

So if it were me I'd be clear about what I need and like, and if that doesn't work for him then I'd move on.

I think messaging once a day is plenty, you aren't teenagers etc.

Tell him it's important to you he replies to you within a few hours, and see how that goes.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to hear from your boyfriend of 4 months every day. I assume you're official and/or exclusive? Not much to ask that he texts once a day ffs

For a new relationship? It definitely is not a lot!

as others have said, if he wanted to, he would…..

Bit needy op, when me and dh were dating we could go up to a week without talking. Didn’t mean we didn’t love each other just had busy lifes!

How often do you see each other usually?

If he's only emotionally available when you're with him in person, then he's not emotionally available. In a close relationship I would expect more messaging than that when apart, too. I've had relationships where we didn't see each other that much because it was casual, but where we remained connected through a lot of messaging.

I don't think you've found the person who's as emotionally available as you want yet.

There are definitely men who are more emotionally available than this! Go find them!

Daily messaging would annoy me. But I like space.

I think it's way too soon to try to live in each others' pockets when you're not together.