Christmas at in laws and lack of allergy awareness

My understanding is that being exposed to his allergen in the environment without oral exposure is not likely to help you. Building tolerance to peanuts means small oral exposures at frequent intervals, not random and uncontrolled exposures once in a while. Obviously you can't do small exposures at frequent intervals if he carries epipen, because of the risk. In practice, exposing small children to allergens via oral route usually means doing it BEFORE they show signs of being allergic. Once they are allergic, you have to protect them from the allergen.

Sorry, I know that's a bit of a digression from your point. Your husband is muddying the waters and is not supporting you given that you are breastfeeding and there's nothing for you to eat. If your in-laws want to see you, it's up to them to make you want to come there, not up to you to wear yourself out trying to keep your child safe while you bow and scrape to your in-laws' egos.

I had to deal with similar issues albeit my in-laws did try somewhat. But they also did a LOT of expecting ME to go to a lot of lengths to ensure my child was safe while also insisting we stayed at their house for multiple nights even though we lived less than 2 hours away and could have easily made just one day trip. But that wouldn't give the "family" atmosphere they wanted.

You're a mother now. THE mother, in this situation. It's ok for you to stand up for your child's right to have a SAFE and happy Christmas. And it's ok for you to stand up for your own right to have an enjoyable Christmas.

I'd go home. My child's health and safety is far more important (and should be more important to close family too) than them having to be a bit careful around food or hurting their grown up feelings. 🤷🏼‍♀️

You absolutely can stay at home! If other people don’t come and see you then that’s their loss. Your child’s safety comes first, at least you will be in your own safe home and can eat suitable food rather than what you are doing now which sounds absolutely miserable and dangerous.

I’m not sure I agree, @crankycurmudgeon - I think people can educate themselves about allergies, and can use their emotional intelligence to imagine how scary it must be to have an allergy - especially a serious or life threatening one - or to have a child with an allergy. I don’t have any allergies, nor do any of my family - but I have a modicum of sense, and I can apply it to the situation. I also have the sense to ask questions, so that I understand an allergy properly, and can make sure I keep the person with the allergy safe.

Frankly, I’d do this for an acquaintance who was dropping round - never mind my grandchild or any other family member.

Sadly I think some people can’t be bothered to imagine what impact allergies can have - maybe I expect too much of people.

That’s very limiting for you and him!

I’m sorry Op but I’d leave now & go home. The risk is too great where you are. Fuck being rude or seen as difficult - you’re the only one keeping your DC safe. Good luck!

The families on each side are being unfair and unreasonable if they insist on seeing you and your family for Christmas but will never travel to you themselves.

Honestly, if you feel that your baby is in an unsafe environment, and you aren't getting help and support from your DH, I would go home. You can't risk your baby's health just to be polite to people that aren't polite to you.

See if your DC is suitable for desensitisation treatment OP, it’s available in some places in the NHS and the earlier you start the better the results can be.

@Runnermumof2 that's sounds so difficult, especially at very start of weaning! I bet you are sick of people telling you that you should have introduced allergens at the start of weaning.
sounds like you need to 'feel unwell on boxing day and go home to safely

Introducing known allergens is a thing, yes but way down the line. Your DH has picked up a small part of something he heard a medical say/read on the internet and has downplayed a serious condition to your in-law's who it suits to disregard.
Luckily, you’re there to advocate for your child.

Please be really really careful. I've known parents in law to sneak forbidden food to a child in order to 'prove' that an allergy doesn't exist. Absolutely despicable, but don't underestimate the power of the ego in some people.

We have non Epi pen needing allergies and I’d be tempted to go home if they can’t keep him safe. Emotion and temperature are more likely to make an anaphylactic reaction so he’s more likely to have a bad reaction and especially on repeated exposure.

leave

Maybe read up on breastfeeding so you aren’t spreading misinformation.

How stressful for you! Get you DH to step up and explain it to them on repeat if needed.

They have seen him react to crips and they don't care.
It shouldn't be this hard.

I'd go home op and give partner a talking to or address them all , see what they say and if you still don't feel you can trust them ,leave

My nephew is coeliac. We all just go gluten free when he visits as we really don't want to make him ill. Yes, it can be a pain having to check which cornflour or spices are OK (some brands are OK but some are packed in adjacent areas to things like flour and can be cross contaminated) but it's a small price to pay for him to stay well.

My son has an Epi pen, there is no way the allergy clinic has told you to expose him to his allergen. This is awful of your husband and your in laws, severe allergic reaction is not a joke and I’m talking from experience. Let’s hope you at least can keep your child safe

It sounds like he’s minimised the problem. In the future I would be supplying an exact list in writing of what cannot be eaten at all along with a list of any intolerances (but can be traces) if applicable. State you will be bringing x, y and z substitutes eg dairy free milk etc, but shared meals cannot contain … (with comprehensive list). Is there any language issue? If so provide in their native language.

It sounds like he’s minimised the problem. In the future I would be supplying an exact list in writing of what cannot be eaten at all along with a list of any intolerances (but can be traces) if applicable. State you will be bringing x, y and z substitutes eg dairy free milk etc, but shared meals cannot contain … (with comprehensive list). Is there any language issue? If so provide in their native language.