Christmas at in laws and lack of allergy awareness

These are the sort of people who think that vaccines cause autism. You can't argue with stupid. I would be reading my partner the riot act and also severely limiting my contact with these morons.

I do not condone the behaviour of the ILs but you have higher expectations of them than your 'partner'.

I'm kicking myself that I didn't stock up on more meals items - why couldn't your 'partner' do this?

Then they were annoyed last night when I moved said crisps and peanuts onto a higher table away from his reach - how did your 'partner' react when he saw this or you told him this?

I feel like I'm letting my kids down :( - do you not feel like the biggest let down here is your 'partner'?

Get the Epi pens out on the side and run through how to use them with everyone. They should know what to do. And it might bring home how serious it is.

^This.

Pack and leave.

It's better to upset them than to have a very very sick child because of them.

Ige to eggs and dairy sounds like a nightmare. You need to have a stern word with your DH and ask him why not upseting his parents is more important than his child’s life.

i always think of this lady when I hear about Ignorant people not taking allergies seriously.

Show them the video and if they still don’t take any notice I would be pissing off back home. This is your child’s life ffs not a lifestyle choice.

The bottom line imo is you are choosing to pander to relatives who believe the road only goes one way over the physical safety of your dc..
Give your head and dh's a shake.

I wouldn’t be want to be staying there, I would want to go home

Unfortunately, people who don't have experience of it are generally quite ignorant about allergies 😕 all you can do is go out and buy a load of food that he/you can eat and be vigilant. Maybe cut visit short if it gets unbearable. Have a strong word with DH so you're presenting a united front.

I have a bad allergy to dogs, cats, horses, rabbits etc. Most people think you can just take an antihistamine and be fine whereas in reality being around animals can trigger a severe asthma attack and leave me feeling ill for weeks!

I am constantly surprised by how cuntish some people are about allergies. They're not a new thing (my 75 year old grandmother had been allergic to strawberries since I can remember) and people putting their grandchildren at risk of harm should be charged with child endangerment.

My ex husband has coeliac's disease (not technically an allergy, but if he ate something with gluten in it he'd get really unwell) and apart from buying the wrong chicken sauce once (because I didn't think to read the ingredients) I managed to avoid giving him anything with gluten in it for the 12 years we were together.

DS had a mild CMPA that he's grown out of, but avoiding milk and checking ingredients is something I do anyway.

Don't let them hide behind being 'old'. My wonderful grandparents are in their 90s and when my cousin got diagnosed with diabetes type 1 they always made sure they got her plenty drinks and food that she could eat.

Type 1s can eat and drink anything.

Wow your in-laws are arseholes!

Don't let them hide behind being 'old'. My wonderful grandparents are in their 90s and when my cousin got diagnosed with diabetes type 1 they always made sure they got her plenty drinks and food that she could eat.

Not having any safe foods for you or baby is very inhospitable and if I were you this would be my last Christmas there.

i would leave immediately. I know you said you’re quite a distance from home - did you fly to ILs or drive?

I'd be going home.

We have dairy & coeliac issues here, so would muddle along as best as possible, but where severe allergies involving epipens were a real possibility , I just would not risk it.

I wouldn't give a toss who I offended, my DC would come first.

OP, this is awful. I can't believe they would risk their grandson suffering for a bloody bowl of nuts.

Today I would go out and buy my own food. Tell your husband you will hold him responsible if your son has a reaction so he better be on his guard with him. Leave on boxing day or the day after at the latest.

I've put you are being unreasonable because if they can't respect allergies and are endangering your child, then I would have stayed at home.

Honestly they need to make the environment safe for him without question.

Ask would they leave a hot iron plugged in his reach? No? then they need to treat the foods the same. Yes? Then you know the answer.

Explain you will need to leave unless they can do this immediately.

I was fierce strict about this when dc were young. Apologise you hadn’t realised they didn’t understand. Acknowledge it is difficult. Suggest you try a visit another time once they have had time to understand the videos and info you will send them if they think they can make it safe and if not they are welcome to visit you.

This.

You need to speak up and be his advocate. Sounds like your DH isn’t going to. And if that means you don’t visit because it’s not safe then you don’t visit.

I'd do this too. Your partner has let you down badly.

I agree. It should be ur partner saying this.

Yeah this is what my GP said. Don't give up dairy and eggs, the amounts are too small to cause a reaction. She wasn't there to deal with the constant vomiting, reflux, stomach pain, sleepless nights, rashes and eczema, every single time I had dairy or eggs. Yes, only about 2% of babies have a serious enough allergy to react to these in breastmilk. Guess what, my baby was one of them. And other doctors in the NHS, who seem to have better training, agreed my GP did not have up to date knowledge.

But I had to ignore all these people gaslighting me to do what was right for my child.

Regardless, the actual allergens are around the house and these grandparents don't care about the wellbeing of their grandchild. I'd go home, especially given DH doesn't have your back.

I think that if you have a child with allergies, disabilities, or a range of medical needs, you need to get comfortable being 'difficult' fast.

If people are worth being in your children's lives, they'll make the necessary adjustments to keep them safe. But as his parent, you need to be vocal about what those needs are and be ready to advocate for him if his needs aren't met.

I think you should go home on boxing day OP and think seriously before visiting again, and agree a plan of action with DH beforehand, because at the moment you seem to be working against each other. I hope you get enough to eat tomorrow!