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AIBU?

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Christmas at in laws and lack of allergy awareness

254 replies

Runnermumof2 · 24/12/2025 13:59

AIBU. We spend alternating years at family for Christmas. This year it is with In-laws. My youngest has severe allergies and carries Epipens. They haven't made any adjustments for his allergies and so far nearly everything hasn't been suitable for him or me to eat (I'm breastfeeding which they know) we've lived on bagels the last two days and I bought some chicken and rice yesterday as emergency back up which we've used up already . I'm kicking myself that I didn't stock up on more meals items (I've brought plenty of baby snacks that are suitable) We've already had one incident with crisps and are dealing with the face and neck arches at the minute. Then they were annoyed last night when I moved said crisps and peanuts onto a higher table away from his reach . There was a few under breath comments of 'i can't sit over there the tortillas are over here now'
I'm so nervous about Christmas day now. It doesn't help that when my MIL brought up the peanut allergy my partner told her it was totally fine and we "want him to have some exposure so his allergies don't get worse" which is true, but not particularly at Christmas in the middle of nowhere and quite some distance from a hospital.
Christmas dinner prep is underway today and I've been putting things aside, like plain pasta as everything seems to be getting cream and cheese and milks added to them and I'm worried I'll accidentally expose him . I don't really know what to do. They all know about his allergies and can physically see the effects of the accidental crisps incident, but don't seem to be bothered.
I feel like I'm letting my kids down :(
I also don't want to come across as 'difficult' constantly asking about what the food ingredients are and have been trying to sneak read the packets of anything that's bought in.
AIBU thinking that they would have been more considerate?

OP posts:
Clairey1986 · 24/12/2025 14:03

yanbu But giving them the benefit of the doubt if they’ve no experience with allergies and your dh has told them it’s all fine and you want to expose him then I understand their lack of attention to it.

I think you need to be explicit that exposure can’t happen on this trip, that you’re sorry but you’ll have to check packets and that you will keep these safe things for you and him.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 24/12/2025 14:02

Your husband is standing by and watching this happen?

I would tell them you're clearly not welcome as there's nothing for you to eat, go home, and think about whether this man is good enough.

Solasum · 24/12/2025 14:01

This is a partner problem not an in-laws problem. Send them out to get enough safe food for the rest of your stay.

Does your partner believe in the allergies?

Octavia64 · 24/12/2025 14:01

Yes they could be.

we had this.

unfortunately in the end we did have to both reduce the amount of data we stayed and we solely provided our own food.

I’m sorry, it’s really difficult.

we tried and tried to educate over many years.

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