To feel sorry for the DMIL’s at this time of year?

I met my dd’s boyfriend two days ago for the first time .
He told my dd that if he was fortunate enough to marry her he would be grateful to have me as a MIL.

You only ever hear one side on here, and often the problem is peoples inability to communicate and avoid conflict so it festers into resentment.

Most likely the mums of girls love their daughters, don’t overstep their boundaries and are generally very loving and considerate towards their daughters.

That said I have now have a good relationship with my MIL and she is a great grandmother. But her priority is my husband not me, which is of course natural. She is quite good with not overstepping boundaries now, but it took us some time to get there and we had some horrible rows early on in our marriage all caused by her interference.

I'm (M) meeting DD boyfriend for the first time this weekend. Bit nervous!

Presumably the DMILs have some answering to do for themselves though!

My DMIL is an angel and I love her. We happily alternate Christmases between my husband's parents and mine, and I look forward to the Christmases with his family just as much as those with my own. She's caring, generous, loving, she likes, loves and is interested in me, she adores the children and is a godsend with them, she's just helpful and pleasant and joyful to be around. I would never complain about her, even if she did something annoying, because I love and respect her so much.

But if she behaved like the many MILs I hear about on here who belittle and undermine their DILs, believe their crappy sons can do no wrong and muscle in inappropriately with the children, I probably would find Christmas a chore and want to vent about it online.

If you are a good MIL you generally have nothing to worry about
My mother is a fantastic MIL which is why my dh and my sibling’s other halves love her and insist on spending Christmas Day with her.
My dh’s mother ( now deceased) was the most difficult person I have ever encountered .I spent very little time with her.

I'm sad I'm not seeing my MIL tomorrow, they are always asked but prefer a quiet day at home now.

I have boys, I have no worry whatsoever.

Perfectly monstrous? 😂

I love my MIL. See her at least once a week for coffee and we’ve done Christmas together with my parents every year for 25 years! Dsis loves her MIL as well. So maybe you’ll get lucky?

It goes with useless DH, surely?

Most families actually have parents managing pretty much 50/50 and being very happy with each other.

But you only hear about extreme situations, the same way you only read about useless DH who have done absolutely nothing, and weirdly kitchen-proud wifey from the 50s who martyr themselves. That's not real life for most people (or everybody would be divorced by New Year's Eve 😂)

So you only hear about MIL from hell who claims she has rights in another woman's house, who has no basic manner and respect, makes comments and complaints and judgements, and wouldn't dream to behave anywhere else the way she behaves but the woman of the house can't just tell her to fuck off because MIL is the husband's mother.

When MIL are as respectful with their DIL as they are with anyone else, there's no drama. At worst a mild chore you have to put up with if you have literally nothing in common, but not worth starting a thread about.

Me too, although i'm pretty perfect 😂

We only hear about the problem MILs. My mil is lovely, we get on well and will see them over Christmas and very regularly with no issues.

I love my MIL. She can be a pain in the arse at times like everyone else in the world. I do feel sorry for the ones with nightmare in-laws(usually a selfish DH issue as well) but a lot of people on here need to grow a backbone.

Can't wait to see my MIL tomorrow, I have no contact with my own parents, She spoils me every year, Will be waiting at the front door to give me a cuddle and tell me what a good job I did for my own little one this Christmas. I couldn't do life without her.

I loved spending time with my MIL (no longer with us). This year I have invited my ex MIL for christmas, she’s great and I’m so glad I stayed in touch with her. I am NC with my own mother.

I’ve had 2 MILS and they were both lovely. I could find things to get wound up about with both of them but neither were nasty or manipulative. Just sometimes a bit awkward or old fashioned in their ways.

There are some horrors on here, for sure, but I do think it amplified as the MIL-from-hell threads generate a lot of chat. Sadly, my own mother and my MIL are no longer here and heaven knows they both had their moments but we miss them still. If I end up fortunate enough to be a MIL, I’ll make sure I’m reading mumsnet daily to try to find a(n almost) acceptable path to being a decent MIL….. 😆

I have 2 boys so I'm dreading it if either of them go out with a MNer.

Same! I’m the mum of a boy and a girl, so how can I be so perfect with one and a monster with the other? What if I’m with them at the same time, what will I be then??

Snap.

SIL finds my mum a bit mad in the same way as I do but only affectionately. I love my MIL and am as happy to spend Christmas with PIL as my parents on alternate years. DB loves his MIL too and is close to her

I have no concerns about being a MIL in the future because all the relationships between MILs and their SILs/DILs that I've observed have been perfectly normal and pleasant.

It’s my Mum that’s the problem. But I suppose she’s some people’s mil.

Too involved or not involved enough. Interfering in the kitchen or wanting to be waited on. Purchased the wrong gift or asked for advice on what to buy. Can’t bloody win.

Oh I agree. My Mil is a nice enough women and fairly easy going, my SIL is constantly pissed off with her, she can’t do right for wrong. Her cardinal sin this year, she bought Neice 17 a John Lewis voucher instead of going in herself and trying to choose some make up she liked. If she had bought make up/ perfume SIL would have claimed it was the wrong thing. It’s almost funny, dh and I play bingo about what’s going to set her off.

MiL is arriving shortly. She'll need to be waited on with multiple cups of tea but otherwise no bother and enhances the festivities.