To feel sorry for the DMIL’s at this time of year?

In some cases I don't think being a good MIL makes any difference. If your DIL takes a dislike to you for whatever reason you're stuffed.

I've had a practice run of being a MIL as my 18yr old son has been his gf quite a while. I've tried to make so much effort to be friendly, welcoming and keep my opinions to myself. I really like her and think they're great together but I catch her glaring at me, rolling eyes or make disparaging comments about me loudly on speaker phone I can't help but hear. Honestly I just can't win and I find it puzzling. I have never mentioned any of this to my DS. Hopefully this isn't a taste of future things to come 😅

My MIL was a nightmare some of the things she did were awful. Constantly lying, trying to manipulate her sons, playing them off each other. All 4 of her DIL had difficulty with her and eventually avoided her, I put up with it for 15 years, before I told dh no more, he could visit her and she was welcome to visit us but she couldn’t stay over as it was getting too intense (mainly between them) and I didn't want to expose dc to it, especially at Christmas. Thankfully she lived over 400 miles away so we didn’t see her often.

My mum was not an easy woman, but as her dd I could see she was just set in her ways and liked to do things her way, struggled with socialising. She got on great with her 2 SIL probably because she was a traditional housewife and spoiled them, dh loved the attention 🤦🏻‍♀️ , and great with two of her DIL who understood her traditional background and handled her with patience and kindness if they didn’t agree with her, but one DIL saw her as the MIL from hell, and still says to this day she was awful to her. Probably fault on both sides.

You know all these threads with posters smuggling laughing and mocking

"these new mothers who are so precious and who think they are so special they don't want visitors after giving birth, who do they think they are" kind of thing. How ridiculous of them not to host their darling MIL and make her tea so she can have a cuddle she's entitle to" 😂

these. These are the MIL from hell for a start.

We could spend the entire night writing a full list.

It’s a small percentage of people on here. But some mils are awful. So are some mothers

just been on a trip to see ex pils which was marked by the biggest hug with ex mil at the start and end of the visit. Love her

I'm spoiling mine absolutely rotten, she's a wonderful, beautiful human and I'm so lucky to have her in my life 😁

My MiL is absolutely wonderful, it's my own DM who drives me mad!
My MiL is kind, thoughtful, generous and an all round lovely person.
Whilst I love my DM, she wants everything done her way and the snide comments & sulking when she doesn't get her own way is exhausting. She completely sucks any joy out of me when hosting her (Christmas, or any other time). If I try to talk to her about anything I'm met with denial, defensiveness, PA comments & more sulking.
If I'm fortunate to become a MiL in the future I aim to channel my DMiL, and not my DM!

My PIL are staying over for 6 days and it’s lovely!

Yeah, I know what you mean. I have two DSs, so one day I'll probably be one of the MILs being moaned about 😥

As for my own MIL, she lives OS and I very rarely see her at Christmas, so I feel quite kindly disposed towards her! TBF, she doesn't interfere or criticise me, so although we have nothing in common (apart for our love of her DS), I think I got reasonably lucky.

If it’s any consolation, I love my parents in law. They’ve been nothing but welcoming to me and we get on great.

But then you’ll be interfering!

Same here!

My MIL is staying with us for a few days over Christmas. She’s always alternated between staying with us and staying with my BIL and SIL and their family. She’s lovely. Very sadly, she has vascular dementia now.

My MIL is a bit of a pain in the arse but isn’t as bad as my mum. My mum is an alcoholic and has rewritten history and tells me stories of my perfect childhood which didn’t exist. My MIL is just very old fashioned and gets frustrated that my husband does housework and childcare when he has a wife. She thinks I’m a terrible wife and mother for not being a martyr and running myself ragged for everyone else.

My MIL is lovely and I can't wait to see her in the new year 🥰 wish we could see her over Christmas but we live too far away and DH is working.

Today marks one year of total no contact with my mother and I'm celebrating breaking free 🎉

Schrodinger's mother (in law)

As a mum of boys I’m going to try really hard to be a good MIL aka not a pain in the arse that doesn’t help and expects to be waited on!! 😂

One thing I think is behind some of the MIL moans - is it is just the different family attitudes. Especially when DCs are involved. When women play the biggest part in bringing up DCs / decision making, their decisions are more likely to be guided by their own upbringing so are often more aligned with their DM than MIL.

As an example if difference in attitude, DM wouldn't dream of just letting herself in to our house, unless she was expected. This is how I was brought up, so this is what I feel comfortable with. If I am visiting DM, I don't just let myself in.

MIL, on the other hand, will just let herself in. She might shout 'knock knock' or knock the door as she is walking though it. On at least one occasion pre DCs she came in at a very inconvenient time (ahem), another time I was cooking so had the extractor fan going etc and she scared the living daylights out of me when she just appeared behind me. This isn't to say she is wrong - but it is different to my upbringing so I find it very intrusive. There are other examples too - again it is not MIL at fault, but different attitudes mean I find some things irritating / frustrating.

Mine is a complete bitch tbh but we are at the extreme end of spectrum.

I actually cried for my Mum in law this morning. Saw a lovely sweater that I would have loved buying for her, it was so her. I'll never see her, nor buy her a sweater again. I wish I'd been able to go back with DH to see her before she died. Just another person whose loss I'll be confronting when I finally get to go home again. RIP Brenda, you are loved, you are missed, you are remembered.

Especially at this time of year - my partner in sherry trifle making crime!

You haven’t met my mum then 🤣. She wants it ALL her way and can’t / won’t see other people feel differently. The difference is l push back and don’t facilitate her bat shit requests. From what l have seen here and in my personal life a lot of men don’t manage their mothers properly, instead try to ignore them for a quiet life and then they escalate

I like my MiL. She has some annoying habits but no more than me. I’m looking forward to her staying next year. Some MiLs sound awful but I am guessing only the awful ones get threads about them.

My friend's son married earlier this year and her new DIL asked if my friend had heard of MN, (of course she has and been on here years) but she claimed she hadn't, didn't know anything about it.

DIL didn't explain or mention it again. My friend is bracing herself to reading a post about herself knowing she is now firmly in the MIL category and curious as to how she is being perceived by said DIL...😆😅

Several years when my now teen grandchildren were small I happily did a lot of babysitting, school runs etc while my daughter and husband were at work. One evening when they arrived home my Sil said his fellow firefighters started a discussion about their Mils and had a good old moan about them. He was the only one who spoke up with anything positive to say. I was more than chuffed when he told me he’d said he had a great Mil and they really appreciated everything I did for them. I honestly had a lump in my throat 😢

I don’t think it’s just MILs that get it in the neck, more and more there are posts about how awful DMs are too.