Please help me figure out how exH is spying on me?

Your Google account? It is linked to a lot of things, passwords can be saved etc. If he lives close by, he could be keeping an eye on the house. If I were you, I wouldn't get yourself in a heap about it. It will drive you crazy. I would however protect your general privacy/safety. Keep focused on your own life (narcissistic people hate that) and if anything comes up, take it one thing at a time and act straight away

Given what you've said, I would bet a listening device in your living room if you have friends over weekly for a gossip. If you can't find the device, make up something so random or absurd, drop it in to conversation and if he hints at anything then you will know it's that. Then call the police....

1. change the locks - get this sorted out without telling him. He has no reason to be in your house. Once he realises and asks for a key, just say no.
2. change all passwords.
3. when he questions you about your personal life, tell him it’s no longer his business. Don’t give him a yes/no answer.
4. you are perfectly entitled to see other people. Your DS will not melt if he knows you’re dating. Keeping relationships secret from him is not healthy.

Check WhatsApp linked devices- even with a new phone this would remain logged in, same with iCloud it would still be visible on another device. You need to sign out of all devices and change passwords to something he would never think of.

I would check for listening devices as well and have someone come take a good look around. Remember if he is dropping things for your child that the device could be hidden within this also.

@TheGreatDownandOut do you have an Alexa . If he’s had access to the Alexa he can connect his app to it and “drop” into it and over hear .
Id also say something on your phone or a tracker on your car .
Id get all your devices checked and I’d tear the house apart to make sure nothing was there .

OP he could so easily have put a device in your house, as he has a key.

Honestly this is so concerning.

You don't want to upset him by changing that, can you not see how you are allowing him to be in a controlling position here.

Change that situation immediately for a start.

You say you see your friends weekly. Are you 100 sure it isn't one of them relaying information?

You could take a leaf out of Colleen’s book and confide some random info to your mutual friend and see if that ends up in the hands of DH

How do you communicate with the dates, is it whatsapp?

Better to change the locks. A man who feels comfortable enough to bug her house/devices is definitely a man who will feel no qualms about making copies of her keys “just in case”.

Stop confiding in your mutual friend. They are a very likely weak link. Just keep your private life private including what you put online.

Be very careful what you tell your child. 'Daddy's worried about you and it's important you let me know if there's a new man, because Daddy just wants to keep you both safe, and shhh, it's our little secret ...'

Get that survey of your home, car and devices done.

Change all passwords.

Get a ring doorbell. Maybe a movement detector house alarm for when you're both out.

And change the locks. He does not need to be able to get into your house. Have some boundaries. Don't give a spare key to anyone else - any DM exMIL in the picture who might be a soft touch for a sob story?

You have a new phone but presumably the same number and log ins as before.
Why install a camera to see if he let's himself in when you can just take the key back and know he can't let himself in?
You're clearly scared of him, hence the 'play nice' comment, and you're allowing that fear to control what you do. You're already looking over your shoulder, how long before you don't go on dates anymore, stop inviting friends over in case he can see/hear you all, or stop messaging anyone on your phone?
How dare he make you feel this way? Get angry and sort this out now before he ruins your future happiness.

Get a ring doorbell then you will be able to see if he lets himself in

you could also get an indoor ring camera just in case

I’d bet on the mutual friend.

I had the same situation with my ex husband. A friend of mine (who was both of our friend while we were married), who I thought I could trust.

Nope. Told ex h everything.

Jesus this thread reads like a modern day Sleeping With The enemy plot 🫢

Get that key back and change the locks. Install a Ring doorbell. Take devices to tech expert. Does your DS have a phone? Take that too. I’d consider the burner phone option and check your car for a tracker. There’s either a traceable a leak somewhere in which case try to figure out where from or he’s stalking you.

Yes do this. I know someone too whose ex husband knew things he shouldn‘t have known. He couldn‘t help himself but give himself away either. He made a comment one-pick up calling himself something one of the women had called him during drinks the previous evening. She had the house checked, starting in the room they were in when the woman made the comment, and he had bugged it! This was nearly 15 years ago and I bet it is much easier for an ex to do crap like this now.

If he has installed keylogger software he is probably reading this thread right now.

How often do either of you legitimately need to enter either house to drop off or collect child’s items.
that seems absurd. As is giving a key to someone who was abusive (controlling) to you.

change the locks and don’t mention it to anyone. You’ll soon see if he tries to get in. Also do all of the tips above.

My friend got her house checked by a professional. She said it was worth the money. He checked all devices and plugs etc and her car
Change your router password

get that key back!! I can’t believe you’ve given a key to a controlling man because “it is easier”!!! He can walk in and put any camera in at any point or if he gets very angry walk in at any time of day and hurt you!! I hope this post is a fake as this has made my blood boil…. You have put yourself in a very vulnerable situation