Please help me figure out how exH is spying on me?

@TheGreatDownandOut did you get this sorted? I have a friend going through the same issue.

I'd change the passwords on all accounts. He may just be monitoring emails or cn guess your passwords because they are the same as when you were together. Change the WiFi password too.
Factory reset all devices, laptop, phone etc and then manually reinstall apps rather than automatically. Check your family setups on apple, Microsoft etc and ensure you're not part of his and vice versa.
If you can, I'd cut electric off at the fuse box and then go around unplug everything and then switch back on and pug everything in again one by one in each room, checking each plug carefully for any signs of tampering or altering.
You can do all.of this without a professional

No need to have keys for each others houses - when I split from dh I go my key back the same day

if really needs to drop stuff off have a safe parcel box in garden near a ring doorbell

if he knows info that only on a text etc / is there a way he can link onto your phone

I would consider getting a new number and phone for anyone else but keep same one now for any communicating you have with ex

could he have bugged your house so if have friends over for a chat he listens in

It’s nearly always the “friend”. Could you feed back some false information through them?

Go onto your wifi account and make sure there are no devices connected to it that you don’t recognise

Hey OP, I could written this myself! Did you ever find out what it was? Was it the friend? I have one of them that I thought I could trust, now I’m not sure if it’s her or if he’s stalking me somehow!

Does he k ow your passwords to social media etc?

This sounds like a horrible situation, you must feel constantly on edge. I definitely understand you wanting to play nice so to speak, but he’s still no abusing you this means. You deserve to be truly free.

Was it your idea or his about having keys to each others house for “ease”? I definitely agree you need to get your locks changed and don’t give him a new key. I also think you need to get your phone professionally checked for Spyware etc. if you can afford it, getting someone in to properly sweep your property and car for any devices would be a good way to find out if there is anything or to give you peace of mind.

It’s the mutual friend.

Im pretty sure you can take your devices for a free scan by the police

My exh stalked my friend's face book accounts... I haven't got fb yet he regularly sent me pics of myself in Going Out Outfits...
Fucking creep.

You need to also log out and change the password to the apps not just icloud. He can log into WhatsApp with your details on any device. Someone up thread said how to check if another device is logged into your WhatsApp. Did you try that?

Deffo change the locks and give back his key, you don’t need access to each other’s houses, that’s just stopping you both moving on properly. Draw your boundaries on your home.

did you restore your phone from a backup? If so maybe a key logger/spy app transferred as part of that. I watched a truly terrifying documentary the other day where an expert demonstrated how easy it is to install spy software on someone else’s phone.

I’d also experiment with various avenues of possible information - plant some info with the mutual friend (this is so likely as an avenue of info, my ex tried to keep up with mutual friends so he could spy on me, luckily most cottoned on to it quickly and picked one side or the other and the others I wished them well and cut them off). If you think there are bugs in your house say some things out loud - maybe pretend to be on the phone and have an incriminating conversation, see what happens….

be careful tho, anyone who would go to the trouble of stalking you like this might be quite dangerous. Don’t let that stop you though.

have you confided in anyone IRL?

He could have made copies of key so you will have to change locks.

If it's not the mutual friend then this is second most likely. He can put something on child's gadgets and check them at leisure when he has the child.

Colleen Rooney did this to great effect. I reckon it is the mutual "friend".

If he knows a device password (or DS does and unlocks it for him), he can get access to Keychain Access and see your updated passwords.

Has he installed a spy app on your phone? The tech people at John Lewis got rid of everything dodgy for me and also suggested other stuff eg he could see my Google calendar because I'd forgotten to unlink.

He’s signing into your iPad when you’re not in, or signing into an old device then turning it off again so it’s not showing as connected when you check iCloud.

Old laptop under the bed? Old phone hanging around? It’s one of these.

My ex did the same, I had an old laptop under the bed and he’d log into that, use keychain access to get my (regularly changed) passwords then check my WhatsApp and Messenger remotely.

Or tell you friends different things

tell them you are going to do this somewhere out of the house away from your phone - write them postcards if need be!

then plant different things on different messages like they are all real

so say at home call him Jim and you went for a meal
WhatsApp on one friend call him Chris - went for a walk

etc etc

see which details come back

and for the time being talk to your friends in their houses with phone off honestly

Does your phone battery seem to drain quicker than expected? Are there any apps installed that you don't recognise? Definitely change the locks and get a security company to sweep the house. Does your child have a phone or tablet that could potentially have spy wear?

I think you should get some professional advice OP, if he has access to your house then there could easily be cameras, possibly some kind of wifi spyware.

iI know you trust your friend but does the friend have a partner who is generally on good terms with your ex? That would be the obvious connection. My ex used to clean out his car for an excuse to look in my bins to try and work out what I was up to. Comments on pizza boxes or wine bottles aplenty!

He could easily copy the key. Change the house locks, tell him afterwards.

He could be on your internet/WiFi.