To be upset about Christmas?

@andanotherproblem

What did you do in the end?

I was wondering why you couldn't drive there and back - maybe you don't drive, maybe you and DP only have one car between you and he used it to get to work and back, maybe some other reason... but in future if your DP is likely to be working again on days like Christmas then it might be good for you to have the option to drive you and DD places, if at all possible.

With a 1.5 year old I'd be thinking about nap timings, I can't remember off the top of my head whether it's one nap or two at that age? But if one nap around 1pm would be a good time to be driving as they could nap in the car. I'd probably take toddler out to the park in the morning, some fresh air and exercise to tire them out, then an early lunch, then they can nap during the drive to parents - then I think the toddler would be easier to manage during the afternoon so I'd have a better chance of being able to chat to the adults, enjoy the meal, etc. And I'd take the toddler's toothbrush and PJs so I could get them ready for bed before driving home - then I'd transfer toddler into their bed when we got home.

I remember my DC getting easily overwhelmed at this age. There were too many gifts and too much noise and relatives houses were always far too hot. We stayed 6 hours and it was always just that bit too long. OP your parents are busy prepping/ cooking etc and dont want an hours' round trip at a busy time of day 🤷‍♀️ I don't really see the problem. Also do you not drive or have your own car?

Edited because I meant to quote @Needspaceforlego to agree with their message.

And it’s from such a place of ignorant privilege for @Fishingboatbobbingnight to say “Inevitably there will now be a slew of justifications as to why you aren’t driving. If it’s expense then that’s bollox. Sacrifice your holiday this year”, as though everyone has holidays each year! As though people simply need to budget better! As though some people aren’t living paycheque to paycheque! It’s infuriating!

You'll be there by 2 and leaving at 6. That's a long enough visit I would think. If you want longer try to let DC sleep at GPs house and get a taxi while asleep, I've often done this and transferred sleepy baby quickly into their own bed. At worst they wake up and need some comforting. I don't agree kids routine should be that rigid that you can't take part in big days or celebrations.

I don't drive. I'm single. Me not driving doesn't impact anyone else in my family. I get a lift every so often from my wee brother to the football - he picks me up on the way there as he goes to visit my mum every week and I live near by. He knows I would get the bus myself though if he didn't offer.

He didn't pass his test until he was 37. Sat it when he was 22. Failed. But he used to live a ten minute walk away from work. He only learned to drive as he was looking for jobs out of the area but in the end he's stayed with his current employer.

I certainly don't live in a town where we have 24/7 transport links but it's decent enough.

There have been times in my life where I wouldn't have been able to afford to run a car - or get driving lessons -now is one of those times.

My mum doesn't drive either. Failed her test young and didn't sit it again. We were actually talking about this the other night -the only time I wish I could drive is in the winter when I'm standing freezing at bus stops.

I actually have a disabled bus pass that still has another 20 months to go on it that gives me free bus travel - and that gives me freedom although in previous times I have always bought a bus pass.

BTW. I am a shit driver. I took some lessons in my early 20s and I struggled badly. I might try again at some point when my financial situation changes. I don't have a partner btw so I don't expect people to ferry me about.

@Veganornotvegan totally agree could be a load of reasons why Op doesn't drive, inc cost, cars aren't exactly cheap.

@andanotherproblem How is it go?
Being curious are you planning on hosting anyone Boxing Day or is that just a special day for 3?

This is unnecessarily aggressive. You have no knowledge as to why OP doesn’t drive, and they are plenty of valid reasons why she might not.

I have “uncontrolled seizures”, I’m actually medicated, but all the medication does is reduce the number I have, not eliminate them completely, and I still have them frequently enough that I’m not allowed, by law, to drive. Get off your soapbox.

The host get to decide when people turn up maybe they dont want her there early and they're the doormats that daren't tell her you sound like a right CF that expects everyone to bend to their whims and wants !

Maybe your parents dont want you there early has that occurred to you? Lots of parents work xmas their kids dont miss out on opening presents xmas morning you are cutting off your nose to spite your face and frankly being selfish .
Do what my brother and sil did and take a travel cot for baby to nap when they need to !

So what's the issue then if you're having your proper Christmas on boxing day?

I would just be honest about how you’re feeling and ask if it’s ok if you come earlier, as assume was the original arrangement until this relative offered a lift?

To all the people saying just keep little one up longer, no, simply no. You know your child and you know whether they will cope with this, or whether they’ll have a meltdown, be up half the night inconsolable, have nightmares, a stupid early wake up, be so unbearably grumpy that it’s pointless keeping them up beyond their usual bedtime, or any other reason. Put it this way, as an adult would you go to a party if they said “by the way you’re not allowed to leave until 2am” or whatever a ridiculous bedtime would be for you? No, you probably wouldn’t. So why do we expect our littlest people, who are most ill equipped to deal with this to “be flexible” just because “it’s the holidays”. Selfish adults.

It’s Christmas! Arriving at their house before 2pm is hardly spending the majority of the day alone 🙄 plus, why does your child have to stick to a 7pm bedtime? It’s Christmas! Loosen up and live a little..it’s a time for family! You’ll regret it one day when they’re no longer around…coming from someone who has lost both parents, enjoy them and spend as much time as you can with them..

It’s Xmas, no need for 7pm bedtime.

Your partner should have got a taxi to work today and left you with the car

Maybe her parents don’t want that!

Yip the lack of respect for the Ops parents on this thread is mental
They could have a zillon reasons for not wanting visitors on Christmas morning. Preparing dinner, factoring in chill time to themselves, not wanting DD to see them in PJs, personal gifts to each other.

If it was a MIL thread it would all ne very different.

Honestly take a deep breath and try to go with the flow. Your parents will likely have their reasons, they want to make it special for you and be able to enjoy their grandchild. You’re very lucky.

Get over yourself.
I'm at the hospital visiting a friend.
Visiting hours are 11am-8pm
I'm here so I can sit with one of her children while her partner takes the other one in, because it's 2 visitors max so he can't take both together.
They have no family nearby.
SHE will be spending most of the day alone, You will not.

You are choosing to leave at 6:00 p.m. nothing bad is going to happen if he falls asleep there and you take him home in his pyjamas or stay over at your mums if you can,really this is a non issue

Get a taxi. Stay over. Kiddo stays up. Not a day only for you!

Honestly you'll arrive just in time for a nice lunch and won't be expected to pitch in.. I think I'd getup and have a nice time with my daughter and then get collected and dropped to my parents for a nice dinner ..your daughter could probably stay up a bit later for one day as well.
I think maybe you're over thinking this a little . I would quite like a few peaceful hours in the morning

Yes you are being unreasonable. If it doesn’t suit get a taxi then??

My sister has a young child (5) and we are all having Xmas at my mums. My sister wanted to stay the night before and my mum has been so worried about telling her she doesn't want them there because she has so much to do in the morning and with them there its just so much harder as the child is constantly wanting attention from Grandma. Its been really stressing my mum out. Perhaps they dont want you there all morning but dont know how to tell you?

Certainly not at 6am! 🤣 I am another who could turn up earlier at my parents’ place and presumably op had already booked a taxi for a certain time and told (asked) her parents. I empathise that she’s now been told later and her dp is working and she will be alone for longer according to what she’s posted.

How about the host ie her parents have decided what time suits them?

Are they to be doormats to suit Op?
1pm is hardly late in the day. They are maybe anticipating it being a really late night, the drink starts flowing as soon as folk walk in the door. Would you want guests rocking up on Christmas morning 🌄