To prefer a generic gift over a 'thoughtful' one?

Yes!

I rather have time with someone vs another material item. I have more than enough things and I’m trying to get rid of them.

Plus, by a certain age, most adults have set items that they use or can only use and specific likes.

I have DH and 3 children. DH and our two sons are ND, one who is severely autistic, throws things and with being out of routine/school is prone to tantrums and meltdowns. I’m managing them and a toddler. The last thing I need is another object or item that could have been easily kept on the shop shelf since I said I don’t want gifts.

If one is desperate to give me a gift, it can be a nice walk alone with just said person and they can talk at me.

You always see people saying here on mumsnet that they spent so much time picking out a “meaningful and thoughtful gift” and their spouse/friend/SIL or whoever bought them a rubbish gift. Well I wonder how many of those people actually thought the posters gift was really so great, “meaningful and thoughtful” because I’m guessing most of them just thought it wasn’t.

I love buying gifts for my children but I’m over buying gifts for other people. I think it’s because we’re all older, we don’t want ‘stuff’ so spending time with people is more valuable. My close friends and I all buy each other experiences that we do together. It’s brilliant because we do something different together and usually go out for lunch/dinner afterwards. It’s a guaranteed good time for all of us.

I don’t think you can ever go wrong with a bottle of Aesop hand soap.

I was given an overpriced lamp that's quite pretty.... but with light oak wooden bits & I don't have a single room where light wood will look OK. I'm quite miffed because like most people, my disposable income has nose dived this year & there are so many things I genuinely need at the moment. I've been struggling with my leg & a sports massage would alleviate a lot of the pain (old injury). I outright asked for a voucher, I also asked for a hairdresser voucher (it's been 2 years since I last went!) but no, a "thoughtful" lamp was deemed better, could have cried when I got it.

I get what you mean. With people very close to me I’m specific what I want - send link and stress the features I’m after.
Otherwise regift or if there’s a gift receipt I exchange (assuming there’s something in that store I like).

I think upon reflection it was weird, controlling and overly practical of me. I think it was the equivalent of buying them 100 tins of baked beans for the year. Plus 12 cans of deodorant, 12 shampoos etc says 'you stink, wash more' possibly.

I commented on the other thread about thoughtful gifts that I really love the goodies from the John Lewis generic gift section and that I never get them - this year, a friend got me a pack of nice Christmas socks, a box of posh chocs and a Christmas bauble from JS and it was very nearly my favourite present! (DP did exceptionally well with the thoughtful present this year so am very lucky with the best of both worlds).

Last year, I went through my student daughter's amazon make-up and toiletries purchases (she shares my account) and used my DH's account to buy the whole lot for her stocking. She absolutely loved it and asked me to do the same again this year.
She is obviously a girl in her practical mother's image because when I sent her her birthday present ( a Velvetiser) i also sent her a bottle of washing liquid in yhe same box I had been given free (nit wrapped up as a gift!). And when I asked her if she had received her parcel, she was over the moon about how much she would save by not having to buy detergent for a couple of months, then thanked us for the actual gift!

I agree too. I only really like receiving “consumable” presents like shower gel, biscuits - maybe books as I’m usually happy to give those away when I’ve finished them.

For me it comes from a hatred of having too much “stuff” in the house. I have young DC so I already feel over run with stuff - every room is bursting and I spend my life waging a one-woman war on clutter. When someone gives me an enormous vase or a kitchen gadget or an ornament it makes me want to scream.

This is why we only give presents to our two adult children. Less chance of error. At least if I have not got it quite right they are happy to ask if they can change it.

As a 34 year old mother of a 1 year old baby, and who works full time - send it to me! I always have jigsaws on my wishlist as they’re so soothing to do, and no one ever buys me any.

Wait till you get old! In our 70s now, and DD got us some jigsaws to give us something to do! I dont have time to waste doing f ing jigsawa. I hate the damn things. Hours spent putting little bits of card together for what? To make a picture that I then take to bits, put back in the box and take to a charity shop. I have l too much to do to waste time on jigsaws. Never mind, I will do my parental duty and put it together, take a photo,
give it away.

Well personally I would like to choose my own toiletries or have the freedom to try something new when I see it, not always having to be trying to use up what someone else has given me.

Others have allergies or limited storage space. Plus is knocking a couple of quid a week off someone's grocery bills for the next year really something that people value as a gift?

Also like LuckyLu123 says, how do people know a gift is genuinely wanted when almost no-one is honest and will always express gratitude and delight even if inside they're thinking the opposite.

lol some of them are probably just telling you that to be kind and seem grateful 😂

Totally agree OP!

You could say, you were wanting to cut down the stress / cost / time spent looking for things at Christmas.

You want to reduce all Adult gifts to £5-10
Or you'd rather you went out for dinner or drink have quality time together than hunt for special gifts.

I can’t believe she got angry! Angry over gifts. He thought he was being kind. 🥹

Why was it a bad idea?

My side of the family and my husbands both value “thoughtful” gifts but are full of picky people so we tend to do either fancy generic gifts or reverse sending links. Like “I want to buy you a running watch but you have to pick it yourself. These three look cool to me because of these reasons but let me know what you want!” This year a young adult started caring a lot about cooking so we got a voucher to a kitchen store near her and wrapped it up in a big box with some pics of nice pans and a fancy knife. It kind of works to show we care but also, get what you want.

You sound like my friend. The first year with her now DH he did a photo album of all the places they had been that year and sourced things for a hamper from those places (a scarf of local wool, local gin, cheeses etc.). She was so angry he had not got her anything useful like slippers or pyjamas. He soon changed and she now gets what I think are pretty shit gifts with no thought to them!

I almost never like presents anyone buys me, I often think they don't know or understand me at all. This is my husband and children. My sister pretty much gets me. DH and DD went out to choose me some earrings on Monday, which I opened yesterday and had to pretend to like. They are not like any of the earrings I ever wear, and my dh even said he didn't want to get anything like what I usually wear, which seems ridiculous...there is a reason I wear them all the time! They will end up in a cupboard and not worn, after I have worn them out of duty a couple of times.

This seems to happen a lot, so I think it is just me, and probably the OP as well.

Totally understand you OP. I think for me the happy sweet spot is inexpensive things that are tailored to my interests but a bit surprising.

my SIL comes from family background who get EXACTLY what is requested- to the point that she sends me the links to exact product, and sometimes even says that she has bought it already and I can just transfer the money. That kills the whole point to me (especially since if I did the same, which I think she would like, we are just transferring each other roughly the same amount of money!).

but On the other end of the extreme I do understand that expensive hyper tailored gifts, on the others initiative, are never quite right and impossible to complain about.

so for me the ideal is the middle. Eg I tend to tell people things like “I’m really into discovering X topic at the moment, so a book that might help me learn more in that would be great’ or “Im just really wanting to have a sense of indulgence and rest this year, so anything that helps me do that’…. Might lead to massage vouchers, or bath oils or something pleasant in the right area…

they have help/steer but they can still be creative and make a little effort… and I enjoy the surprise element, within an area that works for me.

So you're basically giving them a job to do.

Aren't we all busy enough? Plus you likely won't get anywhere near its value so money wasted.

OP YANBU at all. I got a load of chocolate and biscuits I don’t particularly care for, and will probably give most of away as I don't want to eat them, money from DM which is very generous and a nice gift from DP which I'm pleased with but what he doesn't know is that I've already bought the same thing for myself but not got round to using so will have to try and sell one of them without him noticing.

Plus of course it ties me into the obligation to buy for them and I've no idea what to buy because I hate most 'stuff' so think most things in the shops is a load of crap and/or a waste of money.

But surely adults want tk choose their own things so it's a bit presumptuous to think you can choose clothes, tech etc for someone else. Sending links is silly because once you've chosen the item you might as well just buy it.

It's all completely pointless and I wish most people would stop with the whole charade.

My children are adults now and we don't buy for each other at all, it's such a relief for everyone 😂 we give cards with long heartfelt messages. I find it touching to note that they keep the cards.

The defining moment one year was that I had thought I'd done something amazing by sorting out their toiletries for the entire year.

Toothpaste, deodorants, soap, shampoo etc etc thankfully didn't include toilet roll (they were both skint and newly left home). It was a very bad idea.