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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so suspicious all the time?

57 replies

CleverOpalPanda · 24/12/2025 05:09

I have a big problem with jealousy and always check his following as my ex husband used to talk to other women.

Every time i fight with bf about it he gives me horrible silent treatment.

He followed a girl and he usually never follows women on insta or anywhere so I asked him who is she ,he said he knows her from work and I kind of believe it until he says you have asked me for her months ago on tiktok so i view her account there and I remembered when he followed her 6 months ago we had a fight and back then he said he didnt know her and removed her.

This woman is an architect and i am too so i tell him maybe i should follow her since we share this profession and he said ok.

I follow her and I dont feel proud about it at all but I have had a gut feeling for days with him hiding phone and also being quite distracted on his phone while on video call with me.

So i panicked and follow request her

2 mins later this woman had sent a screenshot to him asking who i was since he follows me and he replied, why has she spoken to you? but didnt disclose his reponse to her on who i was.
From screenshot you coulf tell this was not first time talking.

He send me message showing me their convo and saying look what you go and do and threatened to block me and never speak again to me as I am too jealous ,which I am and maybe my action put him in a position.

I texted saying its quite clear that he is speaking to her otherwise why would she screenshot me for a follow request and I ended the relationship.

He didnt reply but earlier on the phone he said i will show you now and hung up meaning he will give me silent treatment as he knows that freaks me out .
He uses silent treatment for even minor argument too and i am thinking i deserve it as i question him a lot.
At the same time if feels always like i cant get proper reasurance from him as on every argument he lashes out calling me too much and threatening to hang up the phone which also happens if i cry about smth.
I feel i over do it with my jealousy but my gut feeling is also screeming.
I am quite articulate with him and i dont shout or swear but usually analyse and discuss and i feel i dont deserve this as I always end up apologising and beg him to end silent treatment but the issue I had never gets resolved because of it and I feel resentment and walking on eggshells and so on.
Do i deserve this ?

OP posts:
Herbisaurous · 24/12/2025 06:49

CleverOpalPanda · 24/12/2025 06:35

I actually only question him in situations like this and if i dont believe his story he gets mad and doesnt speak so it never gets fully resolved for me as i try to beg him to speak to me and gets forgotten.He gets upset with slightest confrontation and i cant explain myself or express as he threatens to not speak to me again.Now he told me all you need is for me to block you and be done with you ,look what you did you follow requested her.

Show quote history

I cant work out if you're trying to justify or normalise this but can you see how batshit this is in a relationship? Your jealousy/paranoia and his controlling behaviour are a recipe for absolute disaster. You are worth more than that and you dont need to live like that.

I have no idea what apps my husband has on his phone. I have no idea who he follows, who he messages, who he talks to either online or real life. He goes away by himself for weekends, meets up with female friends and even stays at their houses and goes away with them without me.
Equally, I go away by myself, I have male friends who I see alone, ive even shared hotel rooms with them. And neither of us give any of it a second thought because we trust each other, and without trust, what even is a relationship?

Original poster
CleverOpalPanda · 24/12/2025 06:35

Herbisaurous · 24/12/2025 06:11

This is an absolute shit show of a "relationship". End it, have some time alone, get some therapy for yourself, and then when you're able to be in a relationship without questioning the other person's every move and interaction, you're more likely to find a decent guy

I actually only question him in situations like this and if i dont believe his story he gets mad and doesnt speak so it never gets fully resolved for me as i try to beg him to speak to me and gets forgotten.He gets upset with slightest confrontation and i cant explain myself or express as he threatens to not speak to me again.Now he told me all you need is for me to block you and be done with you ,look what you did you follow requested her.

OP posts:
GaspingGekko · 24/12/2025 06:16

I ended the relationship.

Just keep it that way. Let him be as silent as he likes elsewhere. Maybe something is going on, maybe not, but you need someone who isn't playing these games and following random women on social media.
Start the new year single and focusing on yourself.

Herbisaurous · 24/12/2025 06:11

This is an absolute shit show of a "relationship". End it, have some time alone, get some therapy for yourself, and then when you're able to be in a relationship without questioning the other person's every move and interaction, you're more likely to find a decent guy

bryceQ · 24/12/2025 06:02

Everything about this relationship sounds toxic.

DecimatedStock · 24/12/2025 05:53

He could be cheating. You might be an OTT jealous person. Both things can be true.

But this is chilling and I would run a mile:
earlier on the phone he said i will show you now and hung up meaning he will give me silent treatment as he knows that freaks me out

Itsseweasy · 24/12/2025 05:48

Silent treatment is emotional abuse. It is a method used to control and manipulate you as a punishment for doing something he doesn’t approve of. He is training you to “put up and shut up”.
OP I suspect you have good reason to be “jealous” here - it’s likely to be your gut/intuition screaming at you all the stuff he’s getting up to behind your back.
This is not a healthy relationship.