Sorry for long post alert. No poll, just a bit of advice needed.
I’ve had a friendship that has endured for pretty much 25 years, although there have been times we’ve drifted a bit. We met at a toxic workplace and at the time I didn’t register how much drama surrounds my friend as I was in a marriage with an abusive man and admittedly must have been a drama magnet as I was used to it.
Fast forward past a short marriage for her (now estranged for 4 years), long term health issues for her and a cancer journey for me plus a loss of my Mum at the start of COVID and I’ve reached calmer waters. Got married to my DP of 10 years in the autumn and life is pretty good at the moment. She came to the wedding in Greece and ensured the focus was on her by putting herself at risk doing a hike in the heat and collapsing. I was a teary mess the day before the wedding because of it.
Admittedly she’s had a lot to contend with and found Christianity in the mid 2000s (brought up loosely in the Jewish faith as a child but moved away from it). She has always been incredibly intense and required a lot of my time as free therapy which has massively drained me as one sided (even when I was going through chemo and radiotherapy) but I’ve felt it was all part of the deal of being a friend. It’s rare that we spend quality time together as she always drags it back to intense subjects, most of which is of her making - including putting herself in harm’s way by allowing a drug dealer into her home and preaching to him!
Since the start of the war in the Middle East and the fact that it’s now sadly dangerous to be Jewish she’s started going to Synagogue again for the first time since childhood and I am walking on eggshells and censoring everything I say as she gives me lectures on how little I know about the history of it all. Her attitude towards the genocide in Gaza appals me. She stayed in the summer and had me in tears lecturing me about it - I’d have left if it wasn’t my own house! She’d had a drink otherwise would have been tempted to tell her to leave. The next day she acted like a victim at a local cafe by a perceived slight. Couldn’t wait for her to go home.
I reached out to her to offer my sympathy about the Bondi attack and she sent a very detailed message signing off by saying she was flying out to NI. When I wished her a safe flight I got a mouthful about how I had ignored what she was going through! She waited 2 days before replying but no apology, just more lecturing, although she signed off by saying she knew I loved her and she loved me! Our mutual friend from way back has the same view as me but she has the excuse of living halfway across the world so reduced contact is easier for her.
I do care about her but I care about my own peace of mind more and am feeling like we’ve reached the end of the road as she’s hardly acting like a Christian towards me. AIBU to feel like this?