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AIBU?

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Original poster

Niece is gay - AIBU

157 replies

Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:05

My brother has just text to say niece has just come out as a lesbian. I said fab as no woman would choose to be straight. Then checked she wasn’t upset etc. and all happy. He joked she wanted a card to at ‘yay’ and I said I would oblige.

I am out with a friend so mentioned it and she (straight woman FYI) said I am not taking it seriously and need to act like an adult about it.

YABU - she so right, you are being silly and ride
YANBu - you’re friend is ridiculous

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 23/12/2025 23:23

Frannyisreading · 23/12/2025 23:09

I really would ask the straight people posting here to say being gay is no big deal, to consider what they are saying

I don't know any gay person who hasn't experienced discrimination or abuse for being gay. No, it shouldn't be a big deal. But it can be very much a big deal, unfortunately.

This.

The heterosexual privilege on this thread is wild.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:21

EmbroideredGardener · 23/12/2025 23:19

Some people want to come out and have a bit of a celebration, and why not. We've fought hard for equal rights for gay and lesbian couples, and there is still a lot of hate and discrimination out there. If she wants a bit of a yay moment, let her have one!

I text her and she would love a Beauty Bay gift card! I agree - but I celebrate everything so glad my
friend is wrong on this

OP posts:
EmbroideredGardener · 23/12/2025 23:19

Some people want to come out and have a bit of a celebration, and why not. We've fought hard for equal rights for gay and lesbian couples, and there is still a lot of hate and discrimination out there. If she wants a bit of a yay moment, let her have one!

ThePinkPineapple · 23/12/2025 23:13

Your comment about women wouldn’t choose to be straight was very funny 😀 I’m not a man hater, i have the most wonderful man in the world but thinking for lots of my friends how much easier for them would be if they were in a relationship with women.

Simonjt · 23/12/2025 23:13

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 23/12/2025 23:04

Honestly, why is this even a thing?

We are on 2025, nearly 2026. We dont make a flaming fanfare for someone being heterosexual so why the need for it when someone has any other sexual orientation?

My stepson simply said at almost 16 that he was bringing his boyfriend s his plus 1 to our wedding. We simply said, ok but you will be in separate rooms (which would have been the case if he was bringing a girl too) and that was that. Unfortunately he died 6 months before out wedding from a health complication sonwe never got to meet his boyfriend.

Why is it a thing? Because a significant proportion of straight people are homophobic scumbags.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:09

Sahara123 · 23/12/2025 23:08

No woman would choose to be straight?!

It was a joke I have explained

OP posts:
Frannyisreading · 23/12/2025 23:09

I really would ask the straight people posting here to say being gay is no big deal, to consider what they are saying

I don't know any gay person who hasn't experienced discrimination or abuse for being gay. No, it shouldn't be a big deal. But it can be very much a big deal, unfortunately.

Jukeboxjulie69 · 23/12/2025 23:08

Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:05

My brother has just text to say niece has just come out as a lesbian. I said fab as no woman would choose to be straight. Then checked she wasn’t upset etc. and all happy. He joked she wanted a card to at ‘yay’ and I said I would oblige.

I am out with a friend so mentioned it and she (straight woman FYI) said I am not taking it seriously and need to act like an adult about it.

YABU - she so right, you are being silly and ride
YANBu - you’re friend is ridiculous

No gestures needed particularly to your brother. He’s told you his daughter is gay. Nothing needs to be said or done.

Sahara123 · 23/12/2025 23:08

No woman would choose to be straight?!

Sarah2891 · 23/12/2025 23:06

B1anche · 23/12/2025 22:40

I thought your joke about women not choosing to be straight was funny. Really some people are so uptight.

Right! I can't believe how many people didn't get that was a jokey comment. I thought it was funny.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:05

FrootyCider · 23/12/2025 23:01

It's not a big deal to most people and your comment meant no harm, but as a bisexual woman who leans towards women I have to say the 'Women are easier to be with/I'd choose to be a lesbian' jokes are a little tiresome. Relationships between women come with problems like any other. They take work. I think people's thought processes still register them as airy-fairy unserious relationships.

People would also be surprised at the homophobia that still very much exists.
-My cousin came to a family wedding with her girlfriend and they were introduced as Jenny and her 'friend' all night.
-A very good friend of mine was shunned by pretty much the whole village after her girlfriend moved in.

  • I was followed by two 'lads' for 10 minutes who urged me and my then girlfriend to kiss (amongst other things) while cheering and whooping, after we made the mistake of holding hands on the tube. Maybe 5 years ago.
-As a teacher I can tell you homophobia is very much alive and well in schools, both casually and as a means to bully others, and section 28 still lingers so schools are often retiscint to tackle it head on.

Sorry that turned in to a bit of a rant/tangent!

Anyway OP, I'm glad you're supportive of your niece. You're right to treat their sexuality as no Biggie, but prejudice is still there in society.

I am so sorry it comes across that way - it came from me and another straight colleague being a team of lesbians and then joking women were better partners. I won’t make the ‘joke’ again as I didn’t realise the connotations. I am sorry.

I wish society accepted all relationships.

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 23/12/2025 23:04

I think its a read the room situation. DN told you, its not big deal everyones happy for her.. great.

If she was somber and worried or nervous maybe a low key serious ans reassuring stance would be inappropriate. But your DN seems happy with your response which is all that matters

Ladamesansmerci · 23/12/2025 23:04

Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:52

Thank you for you comment.

I have spoken to my brother and he said “of course she wants a card and present, takes after you”!

I am so sorry you experienced that from your family - that is heartbreaking. My mum just text and said we about her a voucher, as she loves make up and my brother had spoken to her. I think straight people don’t get that it can be a big deal. And we don’t have to deal with it, how society changes. In the future I hope people won’t have to ‘come out’

Show quote history

Honestly why not get her some eyeshadow in Pride colours or something if she likes make up? She may find it cringe right now as she's young, but as she grows up she will then always remember that you accepted and embraced her sexuality

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 23/12/2025 23:04

Honestly, why is this even a thing?

We are on 2025, nearly 2026. We dont make a flaming fanfare for someone being heterosexual so why the need for it when someone has any other sexual orientation?

My stepson simply said at almost 16 that he was bringing his boyfriend s his plus 1 to our wedding. We simply said, ok but you will be in separate rooms (which would have been the case if he was bringing a girl too) and that was that. Unfortunately he died 6 months before out wedding from a health complication sonwe never got to meet his boyfriend.

MsTanyaMcQuoid · 23/12/2025 23:02

Whilst it shouldn’t be a big deal in today’s world, for some people in some circumstances it absolutely is.

Coming out is an absolutely individual experience and different people will need different things. If your niece wants and needs a card to help her celebrate this milestone moment of self awareness and bravery - go nuts and help her celebrate!

FrootyCider · 23/12/2025 23:02

And a cards not a bad idea if she wants one. She's allowed to feel proud.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:01

Frannyisreading · 23/12/2025 22:58

I think OP said the niece was hoping for a card. I understand it's not for everyone, but some people were saying don't make anything of it even if the niece is hoping for a bit of a celebration. Hopefully op can pitch it right and not embarrass anyone.

Show quote history

He said “oh she said she loves your gift cards
and that would be lovely”. She is a young woman after my own heart and loves make up. A Beauty Bay gift card to say ‘yay for you being true to yourself’ is needed I think

OP posts:
FrootyCider · 23/12/2025 23:01

It's not a big deal to most people and your comment meant no harm, but as a bisexual woman who leans towards women I have to say the 'Women are easier to be with/I'd choose to be a lesbian' jokes are a little tiresome. Relationships between women come with problems like any other. They take work. I think people's thought processes still register them as airy-fairy unserious relationships.

People would also be surprised at the homophobia that still very much exists.
-My cousin came to a family wedding with her girlfriend and they were introduced as Jenny and her 'friend' all night.
-A very good friend of mine was shunned by pretty much the whole village after her girlfriend moved in.

  • I was followed by two 'lads' for 10 minutes who urged me and my then girlfriend to kiss (amongst other things) while cheering and whooping, after we made the mistake of holding hands on the tube. Maybe 5 years ago.
-As a teacher I can tell you homophobia is very much alive and well in schools, both casually and as a means to bully others, and section 28 still lingers so schools are often retiscint to tackle it head on.

Sorry that turned in to a bit of a rant/tangent!

Anyway OP, I'm glad you're supportive of your niece. You're right to treat their sexuality as no Biggie, but prejudice is still there in society.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:58

Fatsnowflake · 23/12/2025 22:55

I haven’t come out personally but the thing is, unless we treat gay relationships like straight relationships- as if they are normal, because they are- then gay people basically have to ‘come out’ every time they meet someone new. So when my daughter is asked if she’s with her friend and she has to explain that this is actually her girlfriend, I would like that to feel easier for her. So the no big deal isn’t dismissive, it’s actually supportive. Let niece lead on this if she wants support, but otherwise, yeah - pass the sprouts and get on with life.

My brother said she’d appreciate a card and voucher - love her cheekiness

OP posts:
Frannyisreading · 23/12/2025 22:58

wineosaurusrex · 23/12/2025 22:50

I would die of embarrassment if a relative gave me a card or made it a big seal when i came out. Thats kind of treating it like a big deal and/or something i need sympathy and support for. I think OP's response was perfect!

As for all the posters saying "surely we dont need to come out these days" ummm i'm guessing you're all straight 😂

Show quote history

I think OP said the niece was hoping for a card. I understand it's not for everyone, but some people were saying don't make anything of it even if the niece is hoping for a bit of a celebration. Hopefully op can pitch it right and not embarrass anyone.

Fatsnowflake · 23/12/2025 22:57

My daughter didn’t have to ‘come out’ to me but I do recognise that not everyone is enlightened. But they should be and we should lead by example.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:57

Obeseandashamed · 23/12/2025 22:53

I suspect it’s a light hearted reference to the fact that the dating scene for heterosexuals is pretty awful out there for a lot of people atm! I have lots of single friends who are always complaining about it.

Show quote history

Yep!

OP posts:
Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:56

Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 23/12/2025 22:53

I do try and keep it to - is there anyone special they are seeing?

Particularly as some of my friends' adult DC's have had partners of either sex before deciding on the one to build a future with

Apparently she there is a girl (niece is 17) she is interested in so I hope she goes for it

OP posts:
Fatsnowflake · 23/12/2025 22:55

I haven’t come out personally but the thing is, unless we treat gay relationships like straight relationships- as if they are normal, because they are- then gay people basically have to ‘come out’ every time they meet someone new. So when my daughter is asked if she’s with her friend and she has to explain that this is actually her girlfriend, I would like that to feel easier for her. So the no big deal isn’t dismissive, it’s actually supportive. Let niece lead on this if she wants support, but otherwise, yeah - pass the sprouts and get on with life.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:55

wineosaurusrex · 23/12/2025 22:50

I would die of embarrassment if a relative gave me a card or made it a big seal when i came out. Thats kind of treating it like a big deal and/or something i need sympathy and support for. I think OP's response was perfect!

As for all the posters saying "surely we dont need to come out these days" ummm i'm guessing you're all straight 😂

Show quote history

Thanks - that is how I feel. As a society - as my niece has shown - people DO have to come out

OP posts:
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