Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece is gay - AIBU

157 replies

Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:05

My brother has just text to say niece has just come out as a lesbian. I said fab as no woman would choose to be straight. Then checked she wasn’t upset etc. and all happy. He joked she wanted a card to at ‘yay’ and I said I would oblige.

I am out with a friend so mentioned it and she (straight woman FYI) said I am not taking it seriously and need to act like an adult about it.

YABU - she so right, you are being silly and ride
YANBu - you’re friend is ridiculous

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Iloveanicegarden · 27/12/2025 19:16

My g niece told her parents a couple of years ago. The rest of us learned by 'osmosis'. No problem. She's still our g niece and we still love her. End of

T1Dmama · 26/12/2025 23:03

Christ! Surely just a text saying ‘live you’ is enough…. It says you love and except her regardless x

DreamTheMoors · 26/12/2025 20:38

harveythehorse · 24/12/2025 02:00

Sadly there is so much anger in this country towards minorities. All children should be accepted & cherished for who they are.

Show quote history

That’s quite beautiful, actually. ❤️

And yes, they should.

Original poster
Livpool · 25/12/2025 19:02

ThePoshUns · 25/12/2025 07:24

Why does she want a card?

Why not?! 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Fatsnowflake · 25/12/2025 16:05

HerNeighbourTotoro · 25/12/2025 06:56

For some people who are discriminated against because they are being gay it is kind of a big deal.

Show quote history

Yes. If you read my later posts I clarify exactly what I mean here.

ThePoshUns · 25/12/2025 07:24

Why does she want a card?

HerNeighbourTotoro · 25/12/2025 06:58

Joeninety · 24/12/2025 15:39

Think there's treatments nowadays ?

Sadly no treatment for your stupidity, unless your comment is a joke.

HerNeighbourTotoro · 25/12/2025 06:56

Fatsnowflake · 23/12/2025 22:08

Why does it need to be a big deal anyway? I don’t even think anyone should need to ‘come out’ these days. My daughter just asked if her girlfriend could come over for tea and that was it. Don’t overthink it.

Edited

For some people who are discriminated against because they are being gay it is kind of a big deal.

Amiable · 24/12/2025 23:41

Coming out can still feel like a big deal to someone. I realised this when my DD came out to me - I was a bit meh at the time (not a big deal, I love you whatever, etc) and only years later did she admit how scared she was of doing it and it was a HUGE deal for her! I think a card would be lovely, and reassuring to your DN. Some families are not understanding and it will be good for her to know you have her back

Wooky073 · 24/12/2025 23:14

I think respond as the young lady wants you to respond. If she wants a ‘yay’ card then give her one… that’s affirming and supportive. If she wants low key then do low key no fuss. It’s not about what you or I or anyone on mums net wants or thinks …it should be about her

NoisyViewer · 24/12/2025 21:16

A gay mate came out to his parents & his mom said are you coming out to us or yourself? We’ve known since you were about 5.

YouAreTheCauseOfMyHeadache · 24/12/2025 21:16

Your response was absolutely fine.
Im gay, and a lot of women have laughed and said I’m lucky because they have no choice but to be straight and deal with men. It’s a bit of a flip on the old world of lucky to be straight as not dealing with homophobia.
It’s a joke as old as the hills and there’s no malice in it.

MN’ers will of course choose to be offended if they want, in between reading the threads about the feckless DH/DP’s ruining Christmas etc.

ABoldSubmission · 24/12/2025 21:13

There's a business idea - The Yay You're Gay Gift Card™️
"To be redeemed only at places worthy of your pink pound"

/s

Btowngirl · 24/12/2025 21:01

Livpool · 24/12/2025 21:00

Thank you ❤️ - she just wants a gift card ha

Show quote history

I wish I’d come out at Christmas 😬

Original poster
Livpool · 24/12/2025 21:00

Btowngirl · 24/12/2025 20:29

As a woman with a wife - your reaction would have been a weight off for me back in the day. Your niece is happy, don’t let your straight friend dictate the way the conversation goes.in terms of the card, it just sounds like a bit of a laugh?

Thank you ❤️ - she just wants a gift card ha

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 24/12/2025 20:49

I was told a year ago my nephew was gay. Tbh id suspected for a long time and it was no big deal to me. He didn't have a big 'coming out' though. I found out when my sil was getting some bedding out for a girl my nephew had staying overnight. I asked 'oh is she his girlfriend?' she laughed and said 'oh no he's gay didn't you know?' I replied I hadn't been told officially, but I would've been more surprised if this was his girlfriend!

Btowngirl · 24/12/2025 20:29

As a woman with a wife - your reaction would have been a weight off for me back in the day. Your niece is happy, don’t let your straight friend dictate the way the conversation goes.in terms of the card, it just sounds like a bit of a laugh?

Original poster
Livpool · 24/12/2025 20:15

Have seen my niece and she is fine and happy, which is the man thing for me. Sorry to anyone I offended with my ‘joke’. I don’t take things very seriously, which isn’t always great.

OP posts:
ABoldSubmission · 24/12/2025 19:04

@OtterlyAstounding You've misunderstood/misread - I don't think the OP making that comment/joke was "a negative thing". I specifically said I didn't have a problem with it. I was speculating on why it might not have sit right with the OP's friend who apparently did have a bit of bit of a problem with it. I could see an alternate point of view.

JimnJoyce · 24/12/2025 18:56

DD17 and I recently had a conversation where she told me she likes women not men. I was honestly relieved.

ScartlettSole · 24/12/2025 18:32

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 23/12/2025 22:15

I think your joke is in poor taste. “No woman would choose to be straight” said about a presumed teen coming out as lesbian? Either you’re doing an eye roll 🙄 implying she will grow out of it or you’re denigrating all women who aren’t lesbians. There is no good meaning to your joke.

Or she is pointing out sexuality isn't a choice, its just part of who you are?

Baital · 24/12/2025 15:42

There is still prejudice. If your niece would like a card, send a card. It's an easy way of reassuring her and showing that you love her.

If in doubt, send a card and your love. Whatever the life event.

Joeninety · 24/12/2025 15:39

Think there's treatments nowadays ?

UnemployedNotRetired · 24/12/2025 15:36

There's a Harry Enfield & Chums sketch with a trendy, ultra-liberal, North London, Guardian-reading couple who are desperate for their teenage son to “come out” as something interesting.

Instead, he nervously confesses:

“Mum… Dad… I’m… I’m straight.”

BunnyLake · 24/12/2025 10:11

Nothing against lesbians but I would still choose to be straight and I’ve had enough grief from guys to last a lifetime. Weird thing to say to your (male) sibling.