To feel like I don’t like men anymore

That's interesting!

I am childfree by choice, so I wonder how much of that has played a part in the dynamic of my conversations with my women friends (what I said in my post applies to women who have had children and those who, like me, haven't).

When I was married my husband did those things you mentioned. But that isn’t because I was clueless, I did those things for years when I was single. He did them because he wanted to. They are easy status jobs, some of them only need to be done once a year and they were used as justification for not doing anything else.

So when I complained about the laziness he would indignantly argue that he took the cars for the mot. He was rubbish at diy and even worse with financials. So I didn’t rely on him. It might be more accurate to say I let him play out that role against my better judgement.

I find the opposite. My conversations with my female friends revolve around our kids. When they were little it was sleep/feeding etc, now it’s schools/university applications. It’s so so dull.

My conversations with men are much deeper - politics, business, world events. Also sometimes silly stuff just to make each other laugh, but it’s so much more engaging.

Yup. Honestly when I look back the moments that have felt like proper connection with men have pretty much allllll involved some sort of sexually motivated connection (not just their side from me too).

The exceptions are gay men and a friends hsuband- who we both have a lot in common (and our spouses have a lot in common) but it genuinely feels platonic.

What you say about the conversations with friends is so bloody true. I've had some amazing conversations with the women folk in my life that have been energising, insightful, and inspiring... about so many different topics from the arts to sciences.

It makes you realise how it just does not compare to the conversations with men who, as you say, objectify us.

I don't objectify women; they don't objectify me. With this in mind, I think this is where the real beauty of pure connection and conversation between people lives. This is the difference, isn't it?

Yup. We're quite objectified aren't we.

Tbh at some point I want my time spent with adults to be quality time with people who enjoy each other's company, listen to each other etc.

When I look back the times like this with men its been dating, when they're trying to win you over, then it falls by the wayside, even with boyfriends in my 20s. Whereas. Y time with friends is always proper conversations, which i come away from feeling understood and uplifted x

Interactions with men just feel like a bit of a waste of time really.

That realisation crystallised more than a decade ago, incidentally, a few days after Christmas, which is when we split. He hadn't got me anything at all, because he "wasn't even sure what I was interested in" and I hadn't pointed to something specific and said "I want it". It was a genuine eye-opener. After half a decade together, talking endlessly about life, sharing hobbies, likes and dislikes, travelling, going to lectures, museums, concerts, festivals, gigs, trips.

Most men do not care about a woman's inner world.

It's devastating to realise initially, but like much of patriarchy, when you have seen it for what it is that first time, you can never un-see it again. And you always recognise it again instantly, moving forward.

No.

I don’t think this is true. Most of the married women I know over 45 have no idea about a whole load of necessary things - they don’t mow the lawn, light the fire or do anything to do with cars (including MOTs, services, repairs, maintenance).

They don’t do any of the financials either, like remortgaging, insurance, investments etc.

They don’t fix things around the house or do any kind of DIY.

I do all these things and have learnt how to do them because I live alone, but most women I know don’t have a clue.

Women rely on men a lot more than they think.

Yanbu.

I saw your title and thought 'she must be i n her 40s'

Very early 40s I was very interested in men but only fancying them.

Now im running out of patience for them (44)

Have a man manager who uses work as a place to try and pick up women (hd a wife and a kid).
Tolerance for husband is reducing quickly. I mean he's a decent life partner-week to week. But he sorted out some christmas pressies and EVERYTHING he bought has needed extra things (cue children's disappointment and me having to sort) which is making me realise that week on week actually he does the things he wants to do (kids to football training, matches, a bit of laundry, cleaning and cooking) and not a lot else.

I'm quickly realising that men talk a lot of talk about what they do and actually do very little.

I have spent the last 2-3 days thinking I just want out of this in a few years when kids are bigger, or maybe sooner.

I think the hormones act like rose tinted glasses and the fact that we're surrounded by people having babies/families/ getting married makes us want to fit in to do the same. I'm now seeing friends on second marriages, leaving their husbands for women etc and I can see why.

At this point (apart from husband) i'm dealing with men at arms length at surface level.

In my thirties, a man moved in (I asked him to ~ I'd get withdrawal symptoms if he wasn't around). He left tidemarks around the bath; he would not clean it. I remember one day saying to someone 'He's cleaned the bath! After nine months of living together! Entire humans have been gestated and born in the time he's taken to understand that he has to clean the bath!' I was so proud of myself - and him.

Post menopausal me could weep for the fool I was. He was a really sweet fuck and that was enough to short circuit my cognitive processes.

Menopause can be the shits for some women - but once you're through it - look out world! If I'd known the clarity it would bring to my thinking and my emotions I'd seriously have thought about doing it artificially at thirty five.

Or a Pick-me

Rule 17 women need men to help them with computers, particularly formatting forum posts.

The Rules of Misogyny:

1. Women are responsible for what men do. 'Now look what you made me do.'

1. Women saying no to men is a hate crime.

1. Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.

1. Women’s opinions are violence against men, thus male violence against women is justified.

1. Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.

1. Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breastfeeding babies deserve punishment.

1. Women should always be grateful to men for everything.

1. Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.

1. Men always know the “real reasons” for everything women do and say.

10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.

11. Whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men.

12. Women’s ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry. I wo.drr how many women with this nasty bug are dragging themselves around today making Christmas for husbands with this nasty bug.

13. Angry women are crazy. Angry men have trouble expressing themselves. It's because women are emotional.

14. Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent.

15. Men are the default human. Women are strange subhuman others. You're lucky if the drugs and treatment you've been prescribed have been trialled on actual women.

16. Everyone owns and controls women’s bodies except the women themselves.

forwomen.scot/05/02/2025/rules-of-misogyny/

Exactly

Which rule of misogyny is this again? The one about about women being responsible for men's behaviour, I mean?

YABU, from another woman in her 40s.
Sweeping, negative generalisations and blanket "I don't like" even if sticking in a token "not all" are never good and just pure prejudice.
It's just as bad as the other way round, imagine men saying this to women.
Merry Christmas.

@FlockOfSausages I expect men call it experience as well

I remember having a moment of real sudden clarity in my early thirties. I was in a long term relationship at the time. We lived together, said we loved each other, had children, were even officially married towards the end of it. And it suddenly dawned on me that if he'd been expected to put in even a fraction of the effort I did, he would probably have run for the hills.

On the surface, we were living the same life. Same house, similar working hours, roughly the same salary. But underneath that, there were vast areas of everyday life he had no real awareness of and no interest in understanding. Everything domestic sat with me - housework, decorating, childcare, organising holidays and leisure, and all the invisible admin that keeps life functioning. Bills, mortgage, insurances, subscriptions, medical appointments, everything. He took care of his work admin and his car, and that was essentially it - unless I very explicitly asked for something and then reminded twenty times, becoming the nagging wife (and in the end it always was much easier to just do it myself).

If I eased off even slightly because work was intense or say because of illness, he noticed immediately and raised it. But the reverse never seemed to apply. He never once disadvantaged himself for my benefit. My needs and interests didn't really exist on his radar unless I spelled them out very explicitly and framed them as demands.

And when something went "wrong" (missed appointments, diary clashes, late payments etc), because those areas were "mine", any mistake automatically became my fault. Over time, it began to feel as though I am just making only mistakes, and he was the one patiently suffering from them.

That realisation crystallised more than a decade ago, incidentally, a few days after Christmas, which is when we split. He hadn't got me anything at all, because he "wasn't even sure what I was interested in" and I hadn't pointed to something specific and said "I want it". It was a genuine eye-opener. After half a decade together, talking endlessly about life, sharing hobbies, likes and dislikes, travelling, going to lectures, museums, concerts, festivals, gigs, trips. Discussing politics, current and historical affairs, books and films. And yet he still had no real idea who I was as a person, beyond the fact that I was the one who knew how to make the washing machine work.

I'm in another long term relationship now, with somewhat similar (a bit more equal) dynamic and I do love the guy. But I’ve accepted that he's more of an ornamental addition to my life than someone I need on a gut level, and I don't set my expectations too high.

Join the club OP. I have only had two decent men in my life, my dear grandfather and my wonderful neighbour Brian both sadly RIP. Selfless, brave, hard working. All the others have been a waste of space. At 50 I realised I didn't want any more men in my life.

Women discussing why they don’t want relationships with men isn’t hatred. It’s experience. You seem to be implying criticism justifies men’s aggression.

Very true.

I've never been a man friend anyway, I don't like being anywhere near them! Except Erik Estrada, I'd make an exception for him!