To feel like I don’t like men anymore

In my experience I see my grandfather a violent alcoholic who ended up lonely in a filthy bed sit, whilst my grandmother worked her socks off to provide for SEVEN children. Uncles who have followed a similar path with alcohol. The women in my family have built lovely homes and careers, single handed supporting their families, with fantastic social lives and friends.

I’ve met a violent man who I’ve had to take to court for attacking me. I’ve had a partner that lived with his elderly mother, worked but had no savings, assets nor retirement plan.

ive met no women that have ultimately ended up in any of those situations, nor would they allow them selves to. It’s not that that doesn’t happen it’s that if it does it’s the exception to the rule.

I hope mine dies young (he won’t leave) and I can live in peace. I dream of it actually.

You don't need his permission to split up. Clearly he's providing something you want.

I read this thinking I had posted and forgotten - genuinely.

Is that what he said?🤣

It’s such a shame Mn has been infiltrated by these basement dwelling oiks.

I think it was always there but the procreation drive fooled us into thinking the majority were our equals.

So any young man with a GF who wants to get married and have children should say "No, it's just your procreation drive fooling you. You don't really like me, you'll thank me in 25 years time.".

Sadly/luckily a lot of young men these days are doing exactly that. In my male dominated (STEM) job 65% of the men don't plan to have children and don't want to get married. I don't doubt that's the pattern for the whole country and the Birth rate outside some communities conforms it. That means a lot of women who won't be having children with those solvent, intelligent men. We can say those women had a lucky escape but I'm not sure those women feel that way.

IME there aren't dozens of men desperately seeking LTRs with women, this thread suggests they're making the right decision. Nobody will thank them for settling down and having a family, so why would they bother? If they read this thread they'd be thinking they made the right decision.

GaIadriel They're happy to treat a woman like the Queen of Sheba when she's young and attractive and they're both having fun. However, once they're getting their ear bent daily by a porky middle aged whinger they can't really be arsed to roll out the red carpet anymore

Oh, it’s yet another sad bloke who’s an expert on relationships and is here to educate us
and dominate the discussion. And he thinks we should listen to him while he calls women porky Middle aged whingers.

think a big factor in the problems we see is that women often rely on men whilst men are usually capable of managing on their own when it comes to the crunch.

WHAT?? 🤣🤣🤣

Im not sure what planet you live on but it bears absolutely no relation to mine.

All the divorced or widowed single women I know manage quite happily alone and most have no plans to ever cohabit again.

The single men I know are either depressed or live in a shithole and are just general sad sacks. They are continually on the lookout for another live-in maid and often angry at the world when it doesn’t provide one.

You are funny.

Mid 40s and agree. So many amazing women by default.

Awesome men. Not so many.

I think a big factor in the problems we see is that women often rely on men whilst men are usually capable of managing on their own when it comes to the crunch.

Ironically, the best solution to this might actually be equality but in a different context to the usual meaning. If women focused on trying to contribute financially as much as possible, pushing their career again once the kids are at school rather than going permanently PT, we'd see less of the power imbalance and less stories about women 'being left penniless after supporting him to maximise his earning potential for years'.

It's the elephant in the room on here but for every tough talking feminist there's at least five women working part time or in a non-career job and relying on their husband as the main earner.

Many of these women could've prioritised their career again once the kids were older but the truth is that many don't want to once the family income is sufficient and they tell themselves it's OK because 'hubby loves his job'.

The reality is that spending your life sitting at a desk isn't actually all that empowering and a lot of women only do it for financial security or to compete with men. Many also find that their priorities change and they become more family focused. That's perfectly understandable and likely partly related to biology but the truth is you can't have your cake and eat it.

It's one thing to moan but how many women would agree to a 50/50 maternity/paternity split and agree to go back to full time work and be 100% focused on maximising their earning potential once the kids are at school? I think it'd be like the recent conscription debates where many women talk the talk but then excuse themselves when the time comes for an equal split.

I have a divorce behind me and said ‘never again’. Only went and did it anyway. I think we’re a bit role reversed though as he helps organise me, organises the DC and I’m the flaky one who has to try and up their game. He does his fair share of stuff around the house and most of the DIY. I do most of the cleaning. He is tidy and TBH I couldn’t manage without him. He does add to my life. We lift each other up and I hope I add to his life too. I’m peri too and still fancy him, probably because he is one of the 15% and ex was one of the 85% who got ditched.

I think @Beesd point of view is pretty balanced and (I would hope) accurate. Out of interest (if you want to answer only) what is your age and are you in a relationship? You have experience of the apps (as do I) so just wondering.

A whole post to inform me you have nothing to say to me? 🤣

Bit ironic to criticise my critical thinking whilst admitting that you're entirely unaware of any of the studies/data I'm discussing.

You say you wouldn't quote anything without doing thorough research first. Personally, I wouldn't argue with somebody quoting well known facts and data without making a point of doing some research myself. Otherwise you end up sounding a bit like a flat earther lol.

I almost pointed out that somebody will soon be along to give the 'reasons' women abuse more children than men but I thought I'd wait for the inevitable.

It's a well known dynamic that people will often rush to rationalise the actions of women when they're violent. I've thought before now that's it's likely a form of innate sexism whereby we view women as meek and docile and therefore incapable of horrific acts.

I can think of plenty of reasons why women would commit the majority of child abuse. However, nobody is waxing lyrical on the reasons why men commit the majority of violence, despite there being many many studies on the effects of hormones and evolution, so it seemed a bit surplus to requirements.

The reason why posters want to rationalise female violence and condemn male violence is indicative of their own personal bias. It's quite clear when you're a normal person who judges people as individuals rather than based on their race/sex/class etc.

Yes, men murder a lot more women than the reverse, but when you consider that there are 34 million men in this country, 84 committing femicide is a tiny proportion. I don't understand why people on here think it's a gotcha to continually reference stats showing that over 99.9% of men don't murder their partners. It's bizarre!

Oh maybe it’s our age? Because I must say I dislike them immensely. Whenever I make that comment in here I’m told that I’m bitter blah blah. In my head when a women comments that their husband is lovely I think ‘check his browsing history / texts.’ 😂 but more than that, I think so many of them are condescending and think that we’re incapable because they do 1% of tasks in the house. The older I get the more I realise that they objectify us whilst they are sat there fat, gross and bald themselves, they tell us we’re emotional when actually they’re angry over a game of sport or get upset over a spilt drink etc. I think women are better in every single respect. I hope mine dies young (he won’t leave) and I can live in peace. I dream of it actually.

I like men. I actually prefer working with men and really appreciate them as friends. I have quite stereotypically 'male' interests. I have boys and am a very happy 'boy mum', to the point that I'm secretly quite relieved I just have boys. BUT I'm absolutely done with men from a romantic / sexual POV and expect to be single for the rest of my life. Male sexuality is a total cesspit.

61, 3 years post menopausal and to be honest, I don't like anyone that much any more. Even the dog gets on my nerves sometimes.

@galadriel you mention that "it works both ways. A lot of men become strategically lazy with age but when you see all the dating profiles of women saying they want to be 'treated like a princess'/require a gentleman etc you do find yourself reflecting that they only get away with it through their youthful good looks. There are so many women that seem to demand a man must be financially secure/own a house/be 'successful' whilst not meeting all these dating requirements themselves."

This is interesting, as I do not see these female profiles. I am sure there are women out there who want some sort of provider, as they have not been able to(for whatever reason) to set themselves up to be independent. I personally see lots of men who do not match me in educational level, socioeconomic status, health and activity level, so that is disappointing, since the stats show many more men than women with a PhD, and many more homeowners who are male. My question is, why would these men want someone who is unequal to them?

From what I gather in real life, many men do not want a 'younger model' (despite your claim that youth is the only currency and value that women have), as they do not want to deal with young children, perimenopause (in some cases). They want someone equal, who is kind, emotionally mature, and can stand on their own feet. I think many men are realistic, and while they might like the look of a younger woman, they know that this person might not be a great partner at this stage of their lives.

I think men on dating apps are disappointing, but I disagree that 'all men are disappointing', as there are some good ones out there, and they may feel life for them is better alone too as women are disappointing to them.

Thus, perhaps, on dating apps, you might get a distorted idea on who is available, as all the mature, solvent, realistic people have taken themselves off the apps and/or have found someone, leaving with the immature unrealistic men looking for much younger or a nurse with a purse, or immature women looking for a provider and wanting to be treated like a queen.

The rise of people like Andrew Tate is a direct response to some of the common rhetoric around men. Albeit a slightly warped one which likely appeals to men who were already struggling with their self esteem/identity.

The message is "who gives a fuck what they think? Just be a man and don't apologise for it." The problem is that this can then be used to enable justification of a whole host of toxic behaviours.

It's a very similar dynamic to the rise of Reform and Trump IMO. When people feel they're being dismissed or will be seen as wrong no matter what they do then they just say fuck it and stop trying to compromise in any way, which is worse for everyone.

There are no doubt many issues with male behaviour worldwide, but middle class western women with victim mentalities became tiresome many years ago and have sadly been allowed a huge platform due to political correctness in the same way we've recently seen men being allowed to compete in women's sports etc as nobody wanted to be vilified for telling them to pipe down.

If you’re too thick to use your critical thinking as to why women may “abuse more children than men” - if that’s true and I have no idea which studies you are looking at - (and personally I would never quote something like this without doing thorough research first) then I honestly have nothing to say to you.

Your misogyny is absolutely reeking from your posts - reeking.

We all know you have a penis you know 👀

The men I know aren't crap so there's no pretence needed by me. Not too sure which men are put on a pedestal in our family.

Where a woman's sexism against men is subtle, ( which probably isn't where men are described as "crap "), she is going to cause problems for her sons/husband etc. I doubt most of the people posting here are as open with their views on the subject in real-life. Who knows how they convey these beliefs.

And putting crap men on a pedestal as role models for kids male or female has worked well hasn't it?
Its mens fault if they are crap, not a womans job to pretend they aren't.

I agree.
I just love my peace and by peace i mean man free life.
Women are by far the stronger sex.
There is absolutely nothing in this world a man could bring to my life.

Yes, I believe the many government studies showing that mothers are the main perpetrator of pretty much every form of child abuse bar sexual abuse - neglect, violence, etc. I base my opinions on data and facts not on what I read on Tumblr/mumsnet etc.

Depends if they were working FT whilst bringing up the kids or whether they permanently gave up full time work in their 30s and never returned to a proper career job as a lot of women do.

Same with men though.

They're happy to treat a woman like the Queen of Sheba when she's young and attractive and they're both having fun. However, once they're getting their ear bent daily by a porky middle aged whinger they can't really be arsed to roll out the red carpet anymore.

It works both ways. A lot of men become strategically lazy with age but when you see all the dating profiles of women saying they want to be 'treated like a princess'/require a gentleman etc you do find yourself reflecting that they only get away with it through their youthful good looks. There are so many women that seem to demand a man must be financially secure/own a house/be 'successful' whilst not meeting all these dating requirements themselves.

After a certain point men can't be arsed to dance to this tune.