To feel like I don’t like men anymore

Yawn, I swear this same man hating thread comes up every month on this forum.

If there are so many amazing competent women out there, how come it's so difficult to find a female mechanic, plumber, electrician or builder, "amazing" or otherwise?! 😂

I am the same. I just read your post to my husband and he says you have a point and doesn't think you are being unreasonable. He knows he can be pretty pants at times so definitely doesn't think he is one of the good ones.

aerm, I like living with a man! Most women around me do! Most of us would be living alone if it was a chore to live with men frankly. We have a choice. And we can't be that bad as men are sticking around too

I've yet to hear of a cheerful, upbeat man with a joy sucking wife who manages to highlight the negative in every occasion.
guessing many many men whose wives are the most bitter posters on MN, because there are so insanely bitter posters on here 😂

It sounds similar to my ex - except mine was abusive too. Respect for leaving and knowing your worth.

This is the sad reality of so many marriages. Some women with children can’t leave and men exploit it. Many men cannot maintain a marriage based on mutual care and connection, they bank on dependence instead. The inevitable happens when children get older and women get their earning capacity back. No wonder they’re lonely.

I'm not convinced that men and women should live together at all, beyond child rearing. And I've yet to hear of a cheerful, upbeat man with a joy sucking wife who manages to highlight the negative in every occasion.

I’m mid 40s and single. Would still like to meet someone but I suspect the fantasy and the reality are very different. I haven’t had many good male role models in my life. I know they’re out there but I’d rather just stay single than settle for a mediocre man.

I feel you OP, so many amazing women being personal assistants for mediocre men....don't even get me started on how many of them are closet sex offenders. I wouldn't say I hate men, but I don't certainly don't trust them.

Also, centuries of mums running around organising everyone's christmas presents and who takes the all the flipping credit....ohhh jolly old Santa Claus of course, A MAN! Surprise surprise!

Yes, FIL is very boastful that I am a SAHM. He says how much better I am than his divorced daughter, who puts her child in nursery to work. I wish I’d done life differently and been like her.

I wish I was like his daughter who had a career, her own money and was able to say, “fuck this” when her husband turned into an arsehole when she fell pregnant, and walked out the door to start again.

He should be proud of HER. Not me, sat here looking like a bag lady with nothing.

He’s only proud that I’ve had to rely on his son and that I have to nod and smile to keep the peace with everyone because I can’t just tell them to sod off like SIL does.

I didn't miss out what the thread is about.

I completely disagree that the "most amazing dad ever is basically a bog standard everyday mum."

On MN maybe, but not in real life where bog standard everyday mums are just the same as bog standard everyday dads.

attributes which millions of men don’t have but 90% of the women I know, do.
yeah right 😂 Where do you work to be surrounded by such low levels individuals?

emotionally mature, able to hold a conversation, self aware, be able to solve conflict, be a capable adult that removes 90% of MN female posters for a start 😂😂

lol. Did you miss the thread title or what this thread is about? I have high standards, which is precisely why I’d rather be single than with a man. Kinda what this threads about. There are decent men, but not enough of them compared to women. The ‘high’ standard man that I would consider dating, would simply be on a parr with all my female friends - emotionally mature, able to hold a conversation, self aware, be able to solve conflict, be a capable adult - attributes which millions of men don’t have, but 90% of the women I know, do.

Some men don’t even hide their bitterness that women no longer need a man to survive. They understand perfectly well the mechanics of what made those marriages last.

They want what their grandfathers had, a woman who is completely dependent on them with no options. Which is why so many of them try to recreate the dynamic by engineering mortgages and savings in their name only, women giving up their careers to be sahm and being moved away from support under the guise of moving for his work.

Thea’s great for you! You’ve got one of the good ones. I know one or two like this as well. Not the majority though, by any means.

Yeah, this is what gets me.

FIL drones on and on about how his grandparents and parents stayed together. Especially since SIL got divorced.

He’s held them up as something from a long gone time where marriage vows meant something and all that old shit.

His mum died aged 99 this year.

I was helping MIL clear out her house and we came across many old letters exchanged between FILs mum and her mother, awful letters saying how her husband (FILs dad) beat her and how she wished she could run away. The letters that she revived back from her mother saying it had been the same for her, years of abuse and she used to wish she wouldn’t wake up in the morning.

So it wasn’t all roses, was it. These women had no choice. They couldn’t leave.

My theory is that once the hormones that drive us to reproduce diminish we start seeing men more clearly and often don't find much to like.

It's liberating once you get over losing the rose tinted specs that made you believe in love and romance to begin with and accept you can't unsee how shitty many men are.

Women didn’t rely on men because men farmed or fought bears.
They relied on men because they had no choice. Laws prevented women from owning land, earning money and protecting their children.

Sons don’t need to drag a plough or kill a bear.
They need emotional intelligence.

Yep, with you. Im single, (divorced) and have no interest in a relationship. Im open to meeting someone organically, but the ones I have are absolutely NOT going to add anything positive to my life. Seems they are single for a reason, drink too much, never really grew up, financially inept, strategic incompetence.

Ive met very few men that I would have been interested in post split (in the sense they seem decent, dependable and got their shit together- not a huge ask!) but all in long term relationships or married, so obviously thats a no go!

I do think all the best ones are taken, and honestly I think a lot of women put up with a lot of shite with the rest of them. Sounds cynical, but been there, done that and can't be arsed with that in my life anymore!

That's because a great man is actually just an average woman.

Most of the things you mention are still valued (except chasing away bears).

And what about our sons? Not needing a male
partner is not the same as not desiring one. Most straight women still desire male partnership at some point.

I’m another very happy single divorced middle aged sort.
It’s sad for men though.And I love many men. Aren’t we all just saying that in this country and at this time we can do without them?
Throughout most of history we would have desperately wanted one and wanted to keep him. For the protection and the physical strength. The farming and building and mending and fighting off bears.
Men’s strengths aren’t valued in so many areas now. I can see why they’re angry about the situation and over react. We are all congratulating ourselves on how we don’t need them but what does that mean for our sons?
Yeah I know women aren’t responsible for men’s happiness but it can’t be good that so many people are miserable. Never mind. I expect they’ll start a war so they can feel purposeful again.

I am so glad I have been lucky enough to meet a lot of very good men - I would hate to live in a world without men, even though I have a lovely group of female friends. I am well past menopause, and a widow - not looking for romance but very happy to have men in my life.

Agreed. I think that there is a realisation as you get older that so many men still don't see women as human beings and are unable and uninterested in really connected with them beyond looking for sex and an unpaid maid and cook.

I see a lot of those “Meet Cute” stories online where they will interview a couple and ask them questions about their relationship (how they met, their first date etc.)

When they get to the “what do you like most about your partner” it is BEYOND depressing how frequently the woman responds with aspects of the man’s character and the man responds with services the woman provides (“she’s a great cook”, “she creates a really calm home environment for me”, “she is always looking for ways to make my life easier…”). Never anything about who she is as a person.

I feel the same. I experience them as parasitic, wanting marriage and children without participating in it. Too many of them think it’s enough to exist in the same house.