Absolutely lost it tonight and feel like the worst mother

The reason you’re utterly exhausted is that you’re parenting a three year old with hardly any help from your ex. Even when both parents are actively involved, parenting is bloody hard work, and on your own, it can feel almost impossible.

Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing an incredible job, and it’s completely okay to have bad days. I was a single parent when my children were little, and I remember days when I honestly didn’t know how I got through them.

Yep, been there too. Please don't beat yourself up. You could try talking about it with your DS over breakfast. Apologise and tell him that the way you acted was wrong. You were tired, hungry etc. Yes ok he was naughty but you still shouldn't have acted like that. I think at three he will understand some of this.

I can remember hitting a wall with dd at the same age, I’m also a single parent and I think 3 was one of the most challenging ages.

I think it’s okay for kids to see we get overwhelmed at times and if they’re naughty they get told off 🤷‍♀️

We’re only human 🍷

Tomorrow is a new day.

I could have written this OP - you are absolutely not alone. That feeling of loosing control is horrible, and you feel crappy after. My dc is now 8 (single parent), and I have defintely lost my shit a few times. Try to repair / apologise to your child, and take this as a sign that you need to spend time nurturing yourself.

Just wanted to add that many small kids are a nightmare this time of year. They are over excited, over stimulated, over tired, being asked to do lots of unusual things - it's really not a great recipe for well behaved, even tempered kids!

Start afresh tomorrow. Get some sleep. Merry Christmas.

As everyone else has said, don't worry about it. We have all been there, and the fact you are beating yourself up about it speaks well of you - if you were actually a bad parent you wouldn't care, but you're clearly nothing of the sort 🙂

Hey. I'm going to say what others are saying too: you have A LOT on your plate, being a lone parent. 2)these things happen, we are only human. 3)the fact it bothers you shows that you are, and 4)what you do afterwards matters: so apologising is good.

I am mum to a 3 year old, I find it hard sometimes and I'm not doing it alone. When he was two we went through a difficult time (extra stress for me due to family circumstances, sudden bereavement), and I found myself losing my temper more than I wanted. I decided I wanted to do something about it so I looked for a parenting course locally. The funny thing is it didn't turn out to be what I thought I was looking for at all!! but it was SO helpful. So I'm here to say, why don't you google parenting Circle of Security.

There might be a course local to you, or not, or you might just find it helpful reading about the ideas behind it.

Best of luck. xxx.

Bless you OP. When my DCs were little, I would very occasionally lose it and really shout. Eventually I learnt to interpret this as a sign I needed a break/more sleep/some time for myself (I couldn’t always get those things, but when I could, I did).

They are now 20 and 17 and well-adjusted, pleasant young adults with whom I have a close relationship. Your DS will be fine.

You sound quite understandably exhausted. You had a really crappy day, it happens, it doesn’t make you a bad mother at all. You’re trying to juggle everything by yourself. Who is there for you?

Your asking yourself if it was ok - which to me is sign of good parent

Look up rupture and repair. My DD is 5 and I have been a single parent since she was 2. We can’t be perfect all the time. After I lose my cool I apologise to her and we talk about it. She is always very kind/sweet about it.

Mine are teenagers now, but I’ve lost it more than once with them over the years. Not regularly enough that is an issue, but a few times. I’m human.

Give yourself a break.

Oh God bless you lovely Mum
🫂Please don't beat yourself up, sounds like you're just trying to show your dear Son right from wrong & of course you don't want him to think it's ok to pour milk all over the place & throw food etc 💚The fact you feel sad for raising your voice, shows what a lovely kind, caring, sweet natured Mum you truly are 🤗Please remember this & you're raising Your little Boy & juggling everything all on your own - Please give yourself credit where it's most surely due 🫂
God Bless You&Your Little Son
Wishing You Both all the utmost very best 💚🤗💚

I don't think you've done anything wrong there. I think most parents would end up shouting at that behaviour. I wouldn't usually think crying a good idea but in ti's situation I think it's good for him to know how upsetting it is for you to be attacked like that.
Your DS's behaviour does seem on the extreme end. Getting angry and hitting a parent isn't typical behaviour. Do you know if there is something going on to cause that? Is he sleeping well, opening bowels normally, happy to see dad?

You shouted, you didn't hit him or put a cigarette out on him or anything else. He won't remember it.

Plus you are clearly doing a good job if he can say I'm being good now, you're teaching him right from wrong and modeling good behaviour.

Everyone's stressed running up to Christmas and he understands that something exciting is coming and perhaps that's got him more hyper.

That's life. Be kind to yourself. No harm done. Tomorrow is a new day.

He's learned a valuable lesson that all kids learn eventually - mum is human and has a limit. The fact that he even pointed out "I'm being good now" means message clearly received - he doesn't think you just booted off for no reason, he recognises that his misbehaviour pushed you past the limit of your patience.

Give yourself a break. No one is a perfect parent 100% of the time.

unpopular opinion perhaps. but you are human.

I am not a single parent, but have a very absent DH, family farm. I have four, under 7, at one point four under four.

I have shouted a couple of times.

A very wonderful and unexpected friend said to me

one, the fact that it bothered me said it all,
two, the next stages are important, age appropriate wise. mummy is sorry for shouting. And move on.
Three, give yourself a break.

Taking temper out on a child, hurting a child, not ok. but shouting in the moment is human nature.

be kind to yourself

Look, I've been there.
I've got twin DDs and I have been totally on my own with with them since they were 6 months.
I, too, have shouted at them too harshly. I've actually done it too many times for it to be excusable. They are now nearly 8, whereas you are asking for help whilst your DC is young.
Always apologise for losing control.
X

I think "losing it" and having a bit of a shouty telling-off, once in a while, say a few times a year, is completely and utterly normal and it's how children learn where the limits are.

You didn't hit him or restrict his food or lock him in his room or any of the other many cruel punishments that used to be considered acceptable. You just had a bit of a shouty moment.

It's fine.

Look, I've been there.
I've got twin DDs and I have been totally on my own with with them since they were 6 months.
I, too, have shouted at them too harshly. I've actually done it too many times for it to be excusable. They are now nearly 8, whereas you are asking for help whilst your DC is young.
Always apologise for losing control.
X

Oh OP. We have all been there, I certainly have. I’m a single parent too and have done everything myself. My son was a toddler during Covid. I left his useless dad and bought a little house for us both 2 weeks before covid hit. It was the absolute hardest time of my life and I lost my temper and shouted a lot 😞 I am not proud of it but small children are HARD.

Tomorrow is a new day and Christmas Eve. You are not a bad mum, far from it x