Not sure why I am posting really as there is no solution to the issue now, but maybe other perspectives or straight talking are needed…
When DH and I got together, his Christmas with his family was kind of set in stone and I had to fit in. I moved into his house with my primary school age DD, he was a batchelor few years older than me and really close to his parents. It has never occurred to me to discuss how we do Christmas as new family, until it was basically stated that he goes out with FIL on Christmas Eve to the pub, Christmas morning he takes MIL to church (we were welcome to join), then PIL come to us for lunch and stay as long as they want (midnight and beyond). I was straight away resentful as I felt left behind with DD on Christmas Eve, I am not religious to go to church, so it felt like all cosiest moments of the night before and early morning we were either on our own or rushed. The hosting all day is also hard work as essentially we cook, feed, wash up, walk and later serve the buffet and then clean up again. I didn’t say anything the first year as PIL were quite domineering characters, I have no family of my own in the UK, and I just wanted harmony and for everyone to be happy, not make a fuss.
This has gone on for 19 years. FIL has passed away few years back, DD is now adult, so we spend Christmas Eve together, then host MIL. BIL has never once offered to host them, no idea why, and they have never offered to host us. It’s the same food every year as it’s traditional - because PIL set in their ways and would not eat anything off script.
Now, of course, I could have said something over the years, but I didn’t want to upset anyone and Christmas would have felt bad for everybody and I would have been the Grinch who stole it. So, once again we will be shopping and cleaning and prepping on Christmas Eve while I still work half day. MIL is no bother, but can’t go for a walk now, so we are stuck in the house all day. I say to myself it’s two days per year, suck it up, but each year I feel like a mug whilst BIL literally never offers to have them / her.