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AIBU?

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Original poster

To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

365 replies

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 23/12/2025 21:16

YABVVU

underthehawthorntree · 23/12/2025 21:16

How can you say you're struggling for money and then ho out for Christmas and buy new outfits for both days?!!!

Calciferloveseggs · 23/12/2025 21:15

Hi, it seems like she has had free reign over her appearance for her whole life. As such, you can't realistically expect her to accept dress codes now. It doesn't sound like this is a concept, that you have brought her up with, but now at 6 expect her to understand & cooperate. Therefore, YBVU.

TiredofLDN · 23/12/2025 21:15

She’s 6.

Who does she need to be impressing with tracksuits with “shoulder pads and tapered bottoms” and her hair worn out?

Does anyone give a flying fuck what a 6 year old is wearing and how their hair is styled, if they’re clean, tidy and dressed appropriately for the weather?

pteromum · 23/12/2025 21:15

She’s not a doll I get that. But OP is the parent.

what about when she won’t wear the school uniform.

Or any clothes in public (a friends child)

She is 6 years old.

RedFrogs · 23/12/2025 21:13

I don’t see the point in causing drama over a hairstyle/clothes tbh. Dress codes can still be adapted to individual style. I can’t think of any time I’ve been forced to wear my hair down or wear a dress as an adult. No one else is going to care what she’s wearing so just let her be comfortable.

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 21:13

tripleginandtonic · 23/12/2025 21:10

Yanbu at age 6 my dc were expected to wear smart clothes and have nice hair if we were going out somewhere smart. Could be trousers as one hated dresses/ skirts.

Why isn’t hair tied up in a ponytail ‘nice hair’?

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 21:12

covilha · 23/12/2025 21:09

Erm, six you say?
I actually had to reread your post to check I had the age right.
she is SIX? (And not the musical).
what on earth are you raising?
Get in there and parent for heaven’s sakes. And yes, that does mean laying down the law, setting the boundaries and being firm.
If you don’t do it with love now, how will she cope when employers do it when she’s older
and yes, she wears what you say, in your way every now and then. It will teach her to actually be grateful when she has free rein
and I am sorry you are having to run around like this, you must be worn out and too tired to ensure boundaries

The OP is about the child’s hair style. I have never been told as an adult what hair style I can or cannot have.

Teatime2025 · 23/12/2025 21:11

Or did she make her son get a hair cut or is he allowed to grow it out?

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/12/2025 21:10

YABVVU

tripleginandtonic · 23/12/2025 21:10

Yanbu at age 6 my dc were expected to wear smart clothes and have nice hair if we were going out somewhere smart. Could be trousers as one hated dresses/ skirts.

covilha · 23/12/2025 21:09

Erm, six you say?
I actually had to reread your post to check I had the age right.
she is SIX? (And not the musical).
what on earth are you raising?
Get in there and parent for heaven’s sakes. And yes, that does mean laying down the law, setting the boundaries and being firm.
If you don’t do it with love now, how will she cope when employers do it when she’s older
and yes, she wears what you say, in your way every now and then. It will teach her to actually be grateful when she has free rein
and I am sorry you are having to run around like this, you must be worn out and too tired to ensure boundaries

Coconutter24 · 23/12/2025 21:09

so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle.

YABU you’re the one causing a fuss

Bestfootforward11 · 23/12/2025 21:09

She is 6 years old! She just needs to be comfortable. You say you are a dress up Xmas day family which is fair enough if that’s what you want to do but I don’t think it needs to spill over to the kids. Buying new clothes for Xmas seems unnecessary if money is tight, as does a designer tracksuit for a 6 year old. What is it that makes dressing up important? If it’s to make the day special, I think it will have exactly the opposite effect on your DD as it’s not what she wants to do. If it’s because it’s what everyone else does or that you worry how you will be viewed if you don’t, that’s something to reflect on. I don’t think Xmas and dress code for a wedding are the same at all. Xmas can be stressful for a whole range of reasons but this is not the hill to die on. All the best x

Sillyme1 · 23/12/2025 21:07

You’ve got some fine old battles coming when she is a teenager! Let her be, it’s her hair after all. She’s not a doll!

BartholemewTheCat · 23/12/2025 21:07

I didn’t even read the whole of the OP. YABU. You’re teaching your DD that her voice doesn’t matter. That if someone is bigger/louder, their opinion wins. Is that a lesson you want to teach your daughter?

AdjustingVideoFrameRate · 23/12/2025 21:05

She’s six years old! She doesn’t sound like the sort of child who fusses about clothes and hairstyles, good for her why should she? She probably just wants to wear things she feels comfortable in and her hair out of her face.

As someone else said, she’s a person, not a doll. Let her be herself and develop her own style - you sound controlling.

TheEveningReport · 23/12/2025 21:04

You are being so unreasonable. Why does it matter what your parents did? Really, times change. This isn’t about what she’s wearing but about control. Honestly pick your battles, is it worth her being so upset?

MysteryNameChange · 23/12/2025 21:04

@Sausagescanfly Guessing Liverpool. But it's quite an old school working class Scouse thing. Lots don't bother.

lessglittermoremud · 23/12/2025 21:03

Sorry but you are being unreasonable telling your daughter that she has no choice over her body for a special day.
I have three children and they all have very different tastes in clothes, one lives in tracksuits if freezing outside, football kits and will usually only wear shorts, the other won’t wear jeans because they are uncomfortable, woollen jumpers because they are ‘squeaky’ and our youngest will only wear leggings…
They choose what they wear and I pick my battles within the frame of what they prefer so I wouldn’t let my child go to a posh meal in a football kit, I’d advise him to wear cargo shorts and a nicer t-shirt, the one that doesn’t like wearing jeans will wear ‘jeggers’ and a Grandad style shirt (because it doesn’t have a collar) and the little one leggings and nice jumper.
I wouldn’t force them to wear something they hate or style their hair. My Mum used to take such pride in my hair, hairdressers and strangers would comment on it, she lapped up the second hand attention, I hated it….
If money is short rather then keep on buying things she won’t wear, return them and work with her in getting something ‘nicer’ that she will next time.

Livpool · 23/12/2025 21:01

YABU, from an adult with long hair

lastminutepicks · 23/12/2025 21:01

This is one weird thread. A lot of waffle about a tracksuit followed by you deciding her hairstyle. So, I don’t see the relevance of the tracksuit and I can’t believe you are even thinking about how your 6 year old will have hair in 2 days time. Surely it’s a ‘do you want it up or down?’ on the day when she is getting ready? Do people really micromanage every detail like this, days in advance?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/12/2025 21:00

WOW it's HER hair.

YOU chose to let your children have free reign over clothes / hair etc. YOU now have to live with their choices / decisions.

No one ever has told me how to wear my hair since I was old enough to speak.

TableRunners · 23/12/2025 20:59

Also, what is all this "New clothes are non-negotiable at Christmas" nonsense? You even admit that you can't afford them!

I have to agree with a PP that social media may be at play here, as well... Does OP want a few "Look at our perfect Christmas, and my pretty little lady with her gorgeous hair!" type posts? 🤔

Hallywally · 23/12/2025 20:58

As long as her hair is brushed and neat is fine. No dress code/appropriate clothing for a six year old requires them to wear them down. And stop spending so much on clothes for a child. You can’t perfectly nice clothes for kids in Primark/in supermarkets/on Vinted etc.