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Original poster

To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

365 replies

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP posts:
Mumofoneandone · 23/12/2025 21:29

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 20:14

This is what I suggested. So that it’s not in her face. It was a resounding no!

And thank you for understanding, this is exactly my issue. She needs to know (as do all kids) about dress codes. She dresses and styles herself however she wants for school, outings etc. she’s got oodles of choice with everything. But there comes a time when certain things aren’t appropriate. She’s been asked to be a flower girl at my brothers wedding and has outright refused due to the dress code; things like that are hard to manage I’m torn between get on with it and well it will make her uncomfortable

Show quote history

Totally with you on children learning dress codes for certain occasions. Both my son and daughter know this.
I've always guided my children on clothing options - which possibly makes it easier to enforce smarter on occasions (though they both love dressing smartly anyway.....)
Somethings my DD likes but I've just said no too ie crop tops (she's 10!) leggings only get worn under longer tops/dresses etc. My DS only wears sports clothes for sports......he loves wearing shorts though.... pretty much whatever the weather!!

QuietLifeNoDrama · 23/12/2025 21:28

Sorry OP but YABU. Leave her be it’s not for you to tell her how to dress or wear her hair. Yes, certain establishments have dress codes that need adhering to, but you know what fully functioning adults do when the don’t like the dress code they don’t go to the event/ they take a job in a different field etc etc. There’s no point teaching her she has to be uncomfortable and conform. If she really hates the flower girl dress then she can choose not to be a flower girl…?

On the other side of things why does she need new clothes for Christmas or Boxing Day anyway? If money is tight surely there’s better things to be spending your money on. Your feeling frustrated because she’s not grateful for your efforts but your putting your time, money and effort into something she actively dislikes. It’s unreasonable to expect her to be thankful for something that makes her uncomfortable.

BoyMumm6 · 23/12/2025 21:28

It's her hair? So you would rather she felt uncomfortable and not free to be herself all day, just so you can get a 'nice' photo? YABVU.

TeideHeart · 23/12/2025 21:27

I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes.
........
I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes

Why did you then?

"Boxing Day clothes" sound ridiculous.

JLou08 · 23/12/2025 21:27

You are being really unreasonable. Let your DD wear her hair how she likes it. Why is it important to you that it's down? Surely there can't be a reason good enough to prevent her being comfortable with how she looks.

Grammarnut · 23/12/2025 21:27

What's wrong with a pony tail? Always looks attractive. And why do you want your DD to be a girly girl? I have a DGD who is a girly girl and she is impossible to buy anything for and I worry about her future. Your DD sounds wonderful though I would not be putting up with trantrums about clothes etc - but then she would be going to the shop with me - at 6 she doesn't get a choice, I think.
But you seem fixated on her hair. Why? Why not be interested in what she is interested in - you can have fun with science kits, bike riding, adventure stories etc - all excellent things to do.

Somethingneedstochange78 · 23/12/2025 21:26

Let her wear what she wants and if she wants her hair up so what? She doesn’t want to be getting her hair in her dinner. My older sister always insisted she picked out what I wore for Christmas parties. She would have a right tantrum if I didn’t agree to what she wanted. I was made to wear kitten heel shoes that I didn’t want. Hardly anyone wore kitten heel shoes for parties. 1 Christmas dungarees were in fashion a lot of kids in my year were wearing dungarees. I wanted some dungarees to wear for the Christmas school disco. But oh no I had to wear an awful pair of long flowery culottes that she insisted were in fashion and 1 of her wrap over tops. I was 13 ffs she was 7 years older than me and wore that top on nights out. I wanted to fit in not stick out like a sore thumb.

TotallyFloored · 23/12/2025 21:25

My only only concern is are they dressed appropriately for the occasion and venue - not whether I like the style. Appropriate dressing is a skill to learn and important for many jobs, school etc….
hair clean and tidy. Face clean etc.,,

MannersAreAll · 23/12/2025 21:25

But it’s not ‘all the time’ is it. It’s Christmas events. It’s important that dc grow with a sense of autonomy. It’s also important they they are parented to understand that some events have dress codes or appropriate forms of dressing.

What's inappropriate about a ponytail?

The issue here isn't that the child is requesting an inappropriate hairstyle. It's just a hairstyle that's not "girly" enough for the OP.

PGmicstand · 23/12/2025 21:24

PartoftheBand · 23/12/2025 20:01

In your own words, "it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle." But it feels like this is what you are doing. Just let her be comfortable and happy.

Precisely.
As long as she's not naked/wearing swimming clothes then it doesn't really matter. What matters is spending time together.

Stephybris62 · 23/12/2025 21:24

Let your daughter be comfortable on christmas day!!

ForMyNextTrickIWillMakeThisVodkaDisappear · 23/12/2025 21:23

At the end of the day, one of you is a young child and the other is an adult. Someone needs to be the grown up here and really, does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Yes, she could wear something girlier and have her hair down but realistically, is she going to be comfortable and happy, or is she going to have a face like thunder and always remember the Christmas you and her had a falling out over whether her hair should be tied up or not?

KrimboBell · 23/12/2025 21:23

Why is this so important to you? So long as she is clean and comfortable why does it matter? Are you big on social media by any chance?

flowertoday · 23/12/2025 21:23

Your daughter is a child OP , and as a parent you can impose reasonable rules and boundaries. About things that matter. Such as health, safety etc.
Clothes are not a part of all that in the way you are making out. Let your daughter choose how she has her hair. You are causing misery and upset for both of you for no good reason.

Life is too short. Do you want her to remember such a petty and irrelevant thing as part of her Christmas memories ?🎄🙏

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 21:22

bumptybum · 23/12/2025 21:22

But it’s not ‘all the time’ is it. It’s Christmas events. It’s important that dc grow with a sense of autonomy. It’s also important they they are parented to understand that some events have dress codes or appropriate forms of dressing.

Show quote history

Have you ever been to a restaurant that states that children have to have their hair down rather than in a ponytail?

bumptybum · 23/12/2025 21:22

Calendulaaria · 23/12/2025 20:14

What's your relationship like with your parents who forced you to wear what they wanted, go where they wanted and do what they wanted all the time?

But it’s not ‘all the time’ is it. It’s Christmas events. It’s important that dc grow with a sense of autonomy. It’s also important they they are parented to understand that some events have dress codes or appropriate forms of dressing.

AdjustingVideoFrameRate · 23/12/2025 21:21

And another thing - the OP said something like ‘she has to learn about dress codes’. No, she really doesn’t. The only dress code for a six year old is ‘clean and comfortable’.

You might suggest that a pink tulle princess dress would not be the ideal choice for a muddy walk in winter, or dirty jeans for a meal out or party. But that’s it, and even then I wouldn’t push it.

Older children develop their own sense of dress from looking at the people around them, not from being told what to wear.

Isayitasitis · 23/12/2025 21:21

It's her hair!

Leave her alone, she isn't a doll.

BengalBangle · 23/12/2025 21:21

Ffs, you let a kid do whatever she wants then try to clamp down one day a year.
Get a grip.
You're the parent.
But, you don't get to impose one day a year if, otherwise, you're permissive.

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 21:20

pteromum · 23/12/2025 21:15

She’s not a doll I get that. But OP is the parent.

what about when she won’t wear the school uniform.

Or any clothes in public (a friends child)

She is 6 years old.

But neither of those things apply here. School uniform has to be worn because it’s in the school rules, that you accept when you take a place at a particular school. Clothes have to be worn in public for warmth and decency reasons.
There is no reason that the child needs to have her hair down on Christmas Day. None at all.

Homegrownberries · 23/12/2025 21:20

Pick your battles.
This is a ridiculous hill to die on.

FartyAnimal · 23/12/2025 21:19

You've said yourself you let your kids choose their clothes and hair etc, so obviously she is going to kick off when you suddenly change approach. Let her tie her hair up if it gets on her nerves.

Wisperley · 23/12/2025 21:18

PartoftheBand · 23/12/2025 20:01

In your own words, "it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle." But it feels like this is what you are doing. Just let her be comfortable and happy.

^ This. You're making as much fuss as she is. Except it's not your hair, it's hers.

MeNotMyselfAndI · 23/12/2025 21:18

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 20:14

It’s nothing to do with her being a girl and apply the same to my son.

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Of course it is! Im guessing your son isn’t made to have long hair and wear a dress 🙄. Absolutely bloody ridiculous.

Blessedbethefruitz · 23/12/2025 21:17

Slicked back pony sounds clean, comfortable and practical to be fair. My eldest is also 6, we're not going out this xmas so I'll be lucky to get him in more than pants, but I hated all the performance bs from my childhood to look perfect - clean and tidy and practical is good enough imo. Lighten up, they're only kids (at Christmas no less!) once :)