To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

OP I think you must be from Liverpool and maybe other people don’t understand the tradition of Christmas clothes and Boxing Day clothes that happens there. It’s a Scouse thing that people in the rest of the UK don’t do - Chrissy clothes and a new trackie on Boxing Day, also Easter clothes. To the OP I get that letting your daughter make up her own mind might go against what is normal to you, but making a new normal is great (and scousers are good at it). Let her shine her light and I’m sure she’ll look gorgeous like all the girls there do.

The fact DD is very clear she doesn't like dresses but you would force her into something she is very clear she doesn't like

YABU, very unreasonable and uttely ridiculous.

I don't get what you want us to hear you out about. Stuff like the fact there were countless changes of plans are nothing to do with your DD's hairstyle either. Or the fact you have spent money you can't afford on boxing day outfits. It's not her fault she has nice hair and your family like dressing up. You are putting pressure on yourself and taking it out on your daughter and now you are begrudging you 6 year old's Christmas presents because she won't tow your ridiculous unreasonable line.

I have a 6 year old daughter. I do make her brush her hair as she has it long now but it was short until she was 4. Why do you care so much? I'm interested. As these things don't bother me at all but I do sometimes think my kids are bit too scruffy.

Why are YOU making such a fuss about it?

You’ve had lots of replies so I won’t pile on… it’s probably worth having a think about why this means so much to you. Are you worried about judgement from other family members (like your own parents), and feeling the need for everything to be ‘perfect’?
Try to focus on the things that matter - family relationships, having a lovely time together, kindness to each other. If it’s any help to know, my daughter lived in boys’ tracksuits from about 7-10 (and insisted on wearing them til they literally had holes in) but now aged 14 enjoys a wide range of clothes and styles her hair beautifully. All these things are phases and not worth getting stressed over. Try to avoid commenting on her appearance at Christmas - set yourself the goal of paying her a genuine compliment about something that matters to her (lovely manners, a funny joke, a good drawing, a thoughtfully written card etc)

Let you DD wear her hair how she feels comfortable.
I went to school with a girl & mum was the opposite. She insisted her DD wore her hair in a ponytail all the time regardless of whether they were going out, or staying at home. And another girl had a mum who wouldn't allow her to cut her hair at all (it got so long she could sit on it). As soon as both girls were old enough, they went to the hairdresser and had it all cut off.
Neither were able to forget the control their mums tried to have over their appearance (hair, clothes etc) & neither have good relationships with their mums as adults.

You keep focussing on the tracksuit but the OP has said she’s happy for her daughter to wear the tracksuit. It’s the ponytail she has an issue with. How on earth is having her hair down instead of in a ponytail got anything to do with wearing the appropriate clothing for an occasion?

Wearing appropriate clothing for the occasion has nothing to do with feminism.

I wouldn't let my sons wear a tracksuit either, so why should I let my daughter?

Flashback moment! As a child I had rather amazing hair according to all adults. Obviously to me, it was just hair. Anyway, my grandmother in particular was obsessed with it. I was rolled in front of neighbours, compared endlessly to to child actress in the 70’s series Black Beauty (yep, you read that right) she even went further and shortened my name to the name of the second character.

I had that hair cut at age 11. All off. It wasn’t flattering to be honest. But it stopped the endless, endless goings on about my hair.

You make him wear a dress and have his hair in a way he doesn't like do you?

As long as she is clean and tidy that should be enough - YABVU. Who cares how you want her to look - she's her own person. Hair up can be just as tidy as down. Blackmailing her is unpleasant especially at Christmas. Leave the poor girl alone and let her be who she is, as long as she is dressed at a similar standard (ie smart, smart casual etc). For a wedding being a flower girl I'd tell her the expectation is that she wears a pretty dress, as unfortunately there are still traditions which dictate a specific outfit on some occasions, but she can refuse the role if she doesn't want to do it.

Weird my youngest girls are 4 and they know how they want there hair wether pigtails,plaits,up,down,slides, ribbons whatever etc and they choose for the day.

I remember once going to a wedding and there was a twenty something woman there wearing flat red converse shoes. With a posh dress, it matched. I remember thinking how utterly awesome she was, as I rubbed my sore feet that night from my heels that had been agony all day. Why, why are women doing it?
Mens smart dress is comfy head to toe.
Womens smart dress is painful heels, squeezed in waists, push up bras digging in to your skin, and a wedding style hat that you have to keep your head straight for.
why are we doing it.

I also wonder what will be next OP. Will it be you need your nails, eyebrows, eyelashes, botox done for that or this event 🤔 (Or man). If it is starting at 6 with judging a ponytail this could be a slippery slope.
Please let's fight back for our daughters, all of them. And stamp down hard and early on the idea that your worth is determined by what you look like or what you wear. Feminism hasn't fought so hard or come so far for nothing.

My daughter is autistic and has a lot of sensory challenges. I used to force her to wear things for occasions and I genuinely can’t work out why it was so important to me. It ruined so many occasions as the best possible outcome was that I ‘won’ and she was uncomfortable for the day. Which is an odd result to celebrate. I did make my son wear not joggers recently - we found stretchy cords and a polo shirt and he was fine. My daughter is so uncomfortable all the time so making it worse felt more and more ridiculous to me each time. So now I just let her be.

would she prefer short hair? Easier to keep out of her face?

what do you think? 🙄

myb parents used to do this onculding dressing me and my sister the same-its annoying and its all for show

Help the child to do what, in the long run?

it's being a parent.

What's "disgusting" in giving a choice between pick a smart non-tracksuit outfit or I find you a smart dress?

Kids manage to wear the required uniform for school, they can manage to pick an outfit at home too.

I appreciate it's easier to be a lazy parent, but that doesn't help the child in the long run does it.

I can’t believe this is real.

She doesn’t like your style, she thinks it naff. Stop teaching your kids that someone, anyone, can tell them how to dress or have their own hair. It’s unnecessary control.

Why force her to have a hair style you like rather than what she likes?

and why on earth spend money on new clothes of money is right.

you’ve got all your priorities wrong

She already adheres to school rules about uniform so no need to practice dressing up. Perfectly fine for her to decline the wedding brides maid dress/role in favour of a more comfortable less feminine outfit. She can still look smart. It’s her body and her hair.

I think you are discussing it with her too much 🤷‍♀️ I wouldn’t have talked to her about it until the day and then given her a choice if two outfits that are suitable.

The hair thing I’d have played by ear, if she was feeling chilled she probably wouldn’t have minded how she wore her hair.

I think you’ve made this into a drama when it really didn’t need to be.

I love this and hope every 4 year old has the same energy!

Hmm it sounds like you are one of those people who think they are "live and let live" but really, really arent