To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

OP, let it go and let her wear her hair how she would like to wear her hair.
Hypothetical situation, fast forward a few years and daughter disclosed she thinks she might be gay, or want to transform, if you can't handle this how are you going to deal with the bigger issues which might occur.

‘You made your bed…’ comes to mind!

You have always allowed her to make her own choices about hair/ clothes but you now decide she has no choice- no wonder she’s not happy!

Take the Boxing Day outfit back to the shop and get some money back.

You can’t treat kids one way, or give them the same choices daily then expect them to respond well when you change what you expect from them.

Respect her rights over her own body.

Dress yourself up like a doll if you like.

Stop objectifying your daughter, she's not a doll to play dress-ups with.

Regarding your brother’s wedding, I think you should be advocating for your daughter to be able to wear something she will be comfortable in.

When I got married I asked both of my best friend’s daughters to be in my wedding party. One was my goddaughter, 8 y/o at the time, very girly and very excited to wear a pretty dress, carry flowers, get her hair done, wear a bit of lipgloss etc. Her older sister who I’ve known since she was 3 y/o, and was 14 y/o at the time is the complete opposite - tom boy, sporty, hates wearing dresses/skirts and has never had any interest in hair/makeup etc other than pestering her mum for a side shave / undercut when she was about 10!

The youngest wore a white lace and tulle dress with a royal blue ribboned corsage and looked every bit the “traditional” flower girl. The elder wore the same royal blue trouser suit (pants and waistcoat with white shortsleeved shirt and tan belt and brogues) that my 2 nephews (who were page boys) were wearing.

It was far more important to me that she was got to be a part of our special day, feeling comfortable and confident whilst doing it, over any wedding aesthetic or preconceived notion about what a flower girl should look like/wear.

If your DD is important to your brother and your SIL to be, then they should be more than willing to accommodate her preferences too.

Exactly! My mum always wanted me to wear pretty dresses and I never felt like myself in them (though I do wear them occasionally as an adult). Let your dd be who she is. It's not a competition... or shouldn't be.

You seem to be congratulating yourself for allowing your DD to dress however she wants. That’s completely normal outside of school uniform.

She’s a human being, not a toy. She doesn’t need to conform to some girly
nonsense just to placate your ego.

What a load of bullshit.

You sound like my mother. She had 1 daughter and I had to have long hair and wear dresses or she would feel embarrassed. We have been NC for many years.

I have 4 daughters now, and when they told me who they are I listened and have 1 who tries everything with her hair, including a buzz cut, 1 who only wears black and has just chopped her hair off, one who has lived in tracksuits (from the boys section, no tapered, shoulder padded stuff here) since she was about 3, and one who is the sparkliest dress wearing glittery kid you'll ever meet.

It's not our job as parents to force them how to dress, it's our jobs to listen to what they tell us about themselves and support them.

Leave it, honestly. Mum of former little girl who refused anything girly for years. She’s the most feminine adult I can imagine now with a gorgeous indie twist - we are individuals, and 6 year olds who recognise that are awesome..
We left it, it really doesn’t matter anyway. Don’t cause stress where it is if no consequence. There are many challenges ahead and the best advice is “pick your battles”.

I think you just need some sleep. You said yourself it wouldnt normally bother you. It sounds like you're stressed and it's the straw that broke the camals back. Let her be.

OP are you ashamed of your own daughter & her dress & personal grooming choices? You sound as if you are a bully and a mother who is lacking in kindness, empathy & basic maternal love. My heart goes out to your daughter. Please respect her choices and learn to appreciate her for the wonderful person she is.

I can’t get over you buying designer tracksuits and a separate Boxing Day outfit if you’re skint

my kids get clothes fir Christmas but we’d
never buy a new outfit to wear on the day. That is just strange

You talk about the pressure of Christmas then you’re getting bent double over how your daughter has her hair. Leave her be or you’re heading for many more melt downs. . As you say “ pick your battles”. This is not a battle worth fighting

😂

You remind me unpleasantly of my mother. Children aren’t dolls to play dress up with. Let her wear what she wants. Think about what you’re teaching her if you override her feelings on what she wears …

Disgusting

The rule for us has always been "must be appropriate to both the weather and activity". Viewing school as an 'activity', it still offers a bit of room for choice (skirt/trousers, Brogues/Mary Janes, cardi/jumper, tailored cotton/soft jersey fabric etc etc). In this instance, only items on the uniform list are appropriate, much like the options for what you can wear to go swimming are limited, but the wearer should always be able to choose themselves within the range. Outside of school, (some) workplaces, and certain sports, the options are much more varied.
I would say the meal OP describes dictates smarter dress to fit 'activity appropriate', although there is a lot of leeway there in interpretating what Smart is especially when allowing for individual style, but it also needs to be comfortable to be 'activity appropriate' as DC will likely need to sit still in it for at least a couple of hours. I think the only hard and fast rules for a Naice Meal Out for a DC would be clean and neatly presented (ie tidy hair, ironed clothes etc). It definitely isn't only A Dress.

I am also struggling to understand the unnecessary desire to die on this hill and even more so buying an outfit you know she'll hate with money you don't have?

FWIW I was a tom boy and my parents handled it in completely opposite ways. My F (notice no 'D') was all about wanting me to be an ornament or Little Lady he could show off. He was forever trying to make me wear frilly dresses and patent T-bar shoes, caring more about how people viewed me, and by extension, him. I strongly resisted and he lost both the battles and the war. DM on the other hand supported me to wear what I was comfortable in, and when I had to attend more formal events that meant helping me to find an outfit that worked for both me and the 'activity'. She took me to get a suit for her wedding when she remarried because that was the compromise that ticked all boxes. I remember it all from both parents, and their attitude and approach mattered.

As for her hair, and as the parent of 2 DDs that also have very beautiful curls, if she always wants it tied back, have you asked if she'd prefer a shorter style? DD1 always had it up or braided, always struggled with the tangles and eventually asked for it short. We did it in stages so it was less of a shock to her, but it was the best decision. She's ended up with a short graded cut on the sides and back, but longer on the top. Her curls are now visible and nicely styled every day, she can manage it herself, and it looks fab. It feels counterintuitive, but getting the chop has meant seeing more beautiful curls.

I'm Irish, and while yes, new clothes for Christmas was a thing when I was young (40 years ago) I don't see the obsession with styling her child as Irish in any way. It strikes me as a social media/influencer thing.

I've always worn my hair up. I cannot stand it down so I think yabu

I was wondering if the OP is from Ireland - I’m English living in Ireland and this “new clothes for Xmas day, Stephen’s day and Easter” is a big thing here too. Baffles me when people spend money they really don’t have on it.

She's 6! Why is she and you so concerned about what she wears? Why are you micro managing a 6 year olds clothes and hairstyles? I have 3 dds I don't think I ever planned how I would do their hair from one day to the next. You are creating stress and tension where there doesn't need to be any and you are making your daughter ridiculously image conscious at such a young age. Cop on to yourself

Don’t be a dick about this. You’ll just make your life harder.

FFS pick your battles, let her wear her hair however she wants.

I agree.

Had awful controlling parents.

Some of us toed the line, me, I left. It never did us any good and we're in our 70's.

My thoughts exactly. Pick your battles, you were setting this up
to fail pretty much from the start