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To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

365 replies

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP posts:
GalaxyJam · 24/12/2025 04:44

Wallywobbles · 24/12/2025 01:19

Life is going to be a real shock for your kids.

Why? At what point in life is the OP’s daughter going to be forced to wear her hair down when she doesn’t want to?

Franjipanl8r · 24/12/2025 04:21

My dd can’t wear hair down due to sensory issues. It’s not just about looks but about comfort too.

Hedgehogbrown · 24/12/2025 04:12

LivingwithHopenowandforever · 24/12/2025 02:39

OP, sorry but you have made a rod for your own back and this is the consequence. The same thing was happening with my youngest and her choice of clothes became all about tracksuits! It got to the point where she would be texting me about her upcoming 21st & showing me the outfit she picked which was so not the right type of outfit for her body shape.

i had managed to get her to agree that I would buy a few outfits of my choice. A couple of days before the holiday she came home to pack. I gave her all the clothes I had brought and asked her to try the burgundy outfit I had bought first. At first I had the usual complaining about the colour & style etc anyway her Dad piped up and told her to go try it on. So we are sitting in the living room & all we can hear is OMG OMG & we looked at one another and just smiled. She walked into the living room with the biggest smile we had ever seen from her. It was a top and skirt co ord from Hush that just looked fabulous on her and she happily accepted the other outfits without any peep from her.

Her 21st bday was the best bday she had. I had styled her whole outfit, done her hair and I know I am being biased but she honestly looked amazing. Every picture of her in that outfit she adores and now I have a daughter who trusts me when I say you will look amazing. She was even so apologetic for the way she had behaved about her clothes for the holiday.

Now we have a conversation about clothes she needs and what events she is attending and together we brainstorm and I buy the clothes she needs. She openly admits that she was behaving like a brat and asks how did we put up with that behaviour from her. She even admitted that she would not have looked twice at her bday outfit had she seen it in the shop. Trust me when I say it was painful at the beginning getting her to look at different clothing styles. I am not a stylist but I know what clothes suit her and now I have finally managed to get her away from all those oversized tracksuits she was obsessed with in favour of a much better fitted tracksuit with tapered bottoms. It can be done OP but you have to show them the vision for them to see that what you are suggesting will make them look & feel great.

Christ on a bike 🙄

Hedgehogbrown · 24/12/2025 04:09

What do you make your sons do? This is why girls think they don't want to be girls any more
Because their parents think their role in life is to be a dress up doll to please other people. I hope she gets a buzz cut as soon as she can to teach you she should have autonomy over her own body.

Eenameenadeeka · 24/12/2025 04:08

"it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle"
This, except you, not her. She isn't spoiled to want to wear clothes and her hair the way she likes them.
If she doesn't always like the clothes you pick, don't shop for them without her (even just show her options online first) so that you don't waste money on close won't wear.

CaliRach · 24/12/2025 03:34

As a rule, I'm in favour of treating my DC how I like to be treated.

I don't want anyone telling me how I should wear my hair, so whilst I can express a preference, I have no wish to tell my DC how to wear their hair.

Nat6999 · 24/12/2025 02:54

If you make her wear her hair down, halfway through the day it will end up being a knotted mess, at least if she wears it up it will be tidy & she won't be constantly pushing it out of her face. Most kids of that age will spend most of the day scrambling around on the floor playing with their toys, let her be comfortable.

Vartden · 24/12/2025 02:53

Sometime when you are 6 you have to do as you are told. I mostly allowed my children to wear what they wanted. However for some occasions there would be no arguement. I chose. You seem to have not enforced those boundaries early enough and now you have a problem.

LivingwithHopenowandforever · 24/12/2025 02:39

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP, sorry but you have made a rod for your own back and this is the consequence. The same thing was happening with my youngest and her choice of clothes became all about tracksuits! It got to the point where she would be texting me about her upcoming 21st & showing me the outfit she picked which was so not the right type of outfit for her body shape.

i had managed to get her to agree that I would buy a few outfits of my choice. A couple of days before the holiday she came home to pack. I gave her all the clothes I had brought and asked her to try the burgundy outfit I had bought first. At first I had the usual complaining about the colour & style etc anyway her Dad piped up and told her to go try it on. So we are sitting in the living room & all we can hear is OMG OMG & we looked at one another and just smiled. She walked into the living room with the biggest smile we had ever seen from her. It was a top and skirt co ord from Hush that just looked fabulous on her and she happily accepted the other outfits without any peep from her.

Her 21st bday was the best bday she had. I had styled her whole outfit, done her hair and I know I am being biased but she honestly looked amazing. Every picture of her in that outfit she adores and now I have a daughter who trusts me when I say you will look amazing. She was even so apologetic for the way she had behaved about her clothes for the holiday.

Now we have a conversation about clothes she needs and what events she is attending and together we brainstorm and I buy the clothes she needs. She openly admits that she was behaving like a brat and asks how did we put up with that behaviour from her. She even admitted that she would not have looked twice at her bday outfit had she seen it in the shop. Trust me when I say it was painful at the beginning getting her to look at different clothing styles. I am not a stylist but I know what clothes suit her and now I have finally managed to get her away from all those oversized tracksuits she was obsessed with in favour of a much better fitted tracksuit with tapered bottoms. It can be done OP but you have to show them the vision for them to see that what you are suggesting will make them look & feel great.

Thoseslippers · 24/12/2025 02:05

You are being extremely unreasonable. She's a human being not a doll.
I understand your sadness as my middle daughter can be very set on what she wears and so sometimes looks what I feel, is a mess. However I would never force her to wear something she was truly unhappy about wearing as I think that's traumatic. I would also never comment negatively on her outfit choices or hairstyle choices unless there was a real safety or health issue. Like she was trying to wear a summer dress in the snow for example or wearing heels to go climbing etc Children need self esteem and confidence. They need to feel comfortable and in control of their image. It's so hard to grow up as a girl. I remember being so self conscious myself. I remember that there's nothing worse than being dressed in something that feels like a ridiculous costume.
Please dont do this to her

Rachie1973 · 24/12/2025 01:58

Listen to yourself! The way you describe her tracksuit with its ‘little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms’ is just weird! Why does it matter at all?

I’d start bagging up the designer stuff she doesn’t want and selling it! Then buy her some of the cheaper items she wants!

harveythehorse · 24/12/2025 01:44

I genuinely thought you to talking about a 12/13 year old - but 6?

Are you giving her products for this ‘slick back’ look?

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/12/2025 01:19

ImFckingMattDamon · 23/12/2025 20:02

Why is it important? Is it for some kind of Instagram christmas day photo op situation by any chance? Let her be herself!

Not necessarily. My mum hasn’t even heard of Instagram but makes everyone dress up.

When she’s not there we wear PJs.

Wallywobbles · 24/12/2025 01:19

Life is going to be a real shock for your kids.

SophiaSW1 · 24/12/2025 01:17

She’s a person not a doll. It’s her choice.

DreamTheMoors · 24/12/2025 01:15

When I was 6 I had too had long, thick, curly, chestnut coloured hair.
And I screamed every day when my mum tried to get the knots out of it.
So one day, she took me to her salon and the lady who did her hair cut my beautiful hair off into a pixie.
I couldn’t stop sobbing and my dad threatened to divorce her, but no more screaming.
One less thing - am I right?
I miss my mum ❤️

Notascouser1990 · 24/12/2025 01:14

@ScorchingEgg yep sounds like my mother. She also wonders why I don't want to do "mother and daughter" things.

Notascouser1990 · 24/12/2025 01:03

Stop trying to make your DD look/present in a certain way. I say this kindly as the daughter of a mother who wanted a "girly" daughter. I turned out to be the complete opposite- I was weird, quirky, tomboyish, quite gross, listened to music that horrified her and ended up being a total punk once I got to my teens. Yet i was happy being like that. We really drifted apart as a teen when she wanted me to be like every other girl at my school, wearing makeup, shopping at the same shops, having sleepovers and listening to whatever the top boy/girl band was at the time. She would constantly go on about how beautiful other girls/her friend's daughters were and ask why I couldn't be like that. She just wouldn't accept me. Our relationship is better now but I'm still wary of what I share. And I'm still alternative. Plus self esteem issues- as great and lovely as "girly girls" probably are, I still struggle to trust them and relate to them. Oh and my mum still looks for external approval, follows everyone else and is dreadfully insecure at 57.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 24/12/2025 00:59

If you're not careful, she's going to end up cutting her hair off so that the issue of wearing it long and curly simply won't arise.

user1492757084 · 24/12/2025 00:31

Leave her be and why so many new clothes?

Teach DD how to manage her curly hair so that having it out will not be difficult, if she ever likes to wear it that way.

Comb through conditioner each night.
Buy her some headbands.
Seek advice from your hairdresser about products that keep curls knot free.

ScorchingEgg · 24/12/2025 00:25

It’s interesting how you are making up excuses about ‘appropriateness’, OP, when the truth shines through when you state that you want her to wear her hair down because YOU think it’s pretty. Sod what she thinks about her own hair, apparently.

I was your daughter. My mother was horrendous about my appearance throughout my childhood and teenager years. I’ve had hideous self-image issues, disordered eating, and a terrible relationship with my mother, who bizarrely can’t understand why I won’t do ‘mother and daughter’ things with her. By all means, keep on how you’re going, and with a bit of luck she will wise up a whole load faster than I did, snd understand that her mother prioritises her appearance over who she is.

MumWifeOther · 24/12/2025 00:25

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

You’re traumatising your SIX year old to save face and keep up with appearances. Christmas isn’t about what your kids are wearing.. you’re allowed to break bullshit generational cycles.

ConcernedmumofTIF · 24/12/2025 00:19

Yabvu over the hair but how is a six year old refusing to go shopping? It sounds like you need a few parenting lessons to be honest, get your priorities straight

ClairDeLaLune · 24/12/2025 00:08

Your DD needs to have autonomy over her own body OP. Her hair, her choice.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 24/12/2025 00:02

My friend told me something similar, she negotiated with her DD that she could wear her hair down on weekends and DD could put it up other days. I can't remember what the other terms were but i thought the whole thing was incredibly controlling. It made me very uncomfortable