To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

Just to add, I actually have a feeling that you find Christmas stressful in general and are projecting that stress onto your daughters minor, perfectly reasonable wishes about her hair especially when having it up will stop it dipping into the gravy and trifle anyway. Her hair style and having to wear a Grandma style tapered leg tracksuit, aren't the issue here.

A designer tracksuit with shoulder pads? This sounds like something from a 1980s fashion section in Womans Own magazine! I can't shift the visions of a Kevin and Sharon sticker along the top of the car windscreen atm lol.

She's 6, just tell her to go and get dressed, enthusiastically exclaim awww, beautiful to what ever she puts on and then ask if she wants her hair up or down, "quick Petunia as we need to go out and have fun", just before leaving the house. Most people don't have time on or in the lead up to Christmas day to put any more thought into it than that let alone have long discussions about it with a 6 year old who probably still thinks Santa managed to somehow get into the house via the key hole because they live in a new build without a chimney. Choose your battles, it will only get worse, much much worse if this is how it is now when they're a teenager so battling about minor non issues about hair is pointless.

Take a chill pill and focus on fun things, hair, clothes and wonky tiaras are non issues, playing with toys, eating stocking chocolates and pulling crackers are generally all kids care about at Christmas! The other stress being inflicted on them are adult issues they shouldn't need to know about

I cannot fathom a 6 year old having a designer tracksuit or buying new outfits for boxing day if you're struggling for money, sounds all very 'keeping up with the jones'.
In terms of your daughter though, I'd stop sending her the message that the most important thing about her is how she looks.

OP You are wanting people to see your DDs hair. Is DD comfortable with compliments for people?

My mother would march me round events like weddings as if I was a toy or a cute puppy.

I hated it. I still hate being the centre of attention.

DD insisted on wearing harem pants as a bridesmaid. Wouldn’t even consider wearing a dress.

You've basically described my niece who has long thick red gold hair. She will only wear tracksuits and ponytails; it makes me feel really sad to imagine us ever forcing her to be any different. She is proud of her style choices.
The only way YANBU here is if you said your daughter was insisting on having a dangerous hairstyle (ie. long and loose whilst working machinery).

Leave her be. Enjoy spending time with her and having fun. They grow up incredibly fast.

What's your problem?leave her be

My mum made me dress her way until I was about 16. I have parented my daughter completely differently.

I do wonder if you would be like this about a son.

So ypu want your DD to have her hair down but upset/grumpy so you feel like she's made an effort.
Or you can continue to let her decide her hairstyle and everyone enjoy the day.

You've given her autonomy over her body and hair, but then want to pull that away because you've set unrealistic pressures for Christmas. What are you teaching her now?

Also, stop putting unnecessary pressures about Christmas on you and your family. You are causing yourself so much stress, it isn't really about the hair, it's actually about how others will perceive your family when you all go out! Relax, enjoy the few christmasses we get with out kids while they are young.

Christmas is about spending time as a family and enjoying each other. Not about how we look.

Urg I'm getting flashbacks reading your OP. You sound like my mother was when I was growing up. I hated having to wear my hair down, it got in the way all the time. The endless comments about my hair were tiresome too. It felt like people only ever saw what was on my head and never saw me iyswIm. Reign in the comments otherwise your DD may do what I did the 1st time I went to a hairdressers on my own. Instead of coming home with a "neat trim", I turned up with a pixie cut....I was 14.

God she's 6. She doesnt know what grateful means. Let her wear her hair up.

Ignoring the rights and wrongs of parents or kids deciding what they wear/how they look on Xmas day I see you have two choices.
1 - make her wear her hair down and you will have a sulky 6 year old all day. It will certainly spoil her Xmas and no doubt everybody else’s as you’ll likely have to keep cajoling her to cheer up and join in.
2 - let her wear her hair up and you’ll have a happy excited 6 year old and you’ll all mo doubt have a much better time.

although I see your point about kids needing to learn dress codes ect I do think 6 years a a bit young to enforce it to this level and by the sounds of things the outfit she has chosen is perfectly fine for a slightly dressy Xmas. I don’t think a smart hair up would violate any dress codes

exited wrong thread

It used to be a thing in some parts of the North West, but it mainly died out. Liverpool especially. There are very few people who actually do this now, and the ones who do are usually families with mothers exactly like OP; heavily invested in looks over sense, usually with a face stuffed with fillers and draped in designer clothing while their bank accounts scream and strain under the weight of it.

It's not a city wide thing (though people like the OP will think otherwise as their worlds are very small), it's a very specific kind of person thing.

It used to be the done thing to buy a fresh Christmas Day outfit as it might have been the only time of year the family could afford it, and that outfit would be Sunday Best for the rest of the year. That's not the case anymore, so sensible people don't do this. I'm from the North West, have family in Liverpool and lived there for a bit on and off - not a single person I know does it anymore.

Umm.

Quote:

' it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle.'

It does. So, why are you doing it, Op?

And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from

Where do you come from, Mars? I have never heard of this.

As an aside - I find it bizarre that you're not only planning but buying special outfits for Boxing Day. You've said yourself you're struggling for money, so why are you doing that? I don't think I've ever bought my children Boxing Day clothes and we can more than afford it. They don't have new clothes for Christmas Day either. Neither will I or DH. It's not a day to dress up and parade - it's a day to be comfortable, especially for the children. Same goes for Boxing Day, restaurant or not.

What's even stranger to me is that you're not only planning clothes like it's a military task, but also hairstyles. Why? I have no idea what either DD or DS will do with their (long) hair come Christmas or Boxing Day (which is my birthday so there'll be a party at home). Why would I? I don't even know what I'll do with my bloody hair! It's a short pixie now but even when it was long, I don't think I ever planned a hairstyle until I had clothes on!

Different bloody planet.

Your daughter is going to grow up resenting you massively if you keep up with this nonsense. You're unbelievably appearance-centric and it isn't doing your DD, you, or your bank account any favours.

Imagine how you would feel if you were coerced by someone you love into wearing something that made you feel self conscious and uncomfortable on a day that is supposed to be fun. Let her be herself!

If you're struggling for money, why on earth are you buying designer tracksuits for a 6 year old? Why on earth does a 6 year old need a designer tracksuit at all? Are you loading product into her hair to achieve this slicked back look?

Why does it matter if she wears a tracksuit? Why does it matter if she ties her hair up? She isn't a little dollie for you to dress up for a big day. She's a little human and that little human is telling you loud and clear that she has no interest in being your mini me.

No bloody wonder. Growing up with someone so appearance focused and heavily invested in gender roles (as you obviously are. Do you have sons? I bet if you did they wouldn't be wearing full suits for Christmas day would they? Are designer tracksuits okay for them as they're boys?) must be exhausting.

Imagine if someone wanted to choose your outfit and hair style as if you didn't have a brain and a personality and an opinion 🫣

Why is “hair down” appropriate but “hair back” not?

My mum used to make us wear the clothes she chose when we were little and did our hair how she wanted. I was also a tomboy and I always remember being uncomfortable and upset. I just wanted to feel like me but I wasn’t allowed to. Just let her do what she wants. I now love dressing up and prefer skirts and dresses over trousers.

Get.A.Grip.

My DD has had soooo many different hairstyles. At 14 she went into Boots and bought an electric razor and shaved her head - I mean ALL of the hair.

She's had all the colours of the rainbow as well. I've had to bite my lip more than once about the tattoos and piercings but she's nearly 21 now - so yeah - hard cheese love.

Get used to the fact your DD is not an extension of you. She is her own person. All this bollocks about choosing her outfit for a certain day - she's not a fricking doll. I hate that for girls (and boys) - what utter shite. The only exception might possibly be for a wedding or some formal event. Christmas and Boxing Day are not formal events.

One of the most difficult things I learnt about being a parent is that your children are not your little clones. Sometimes a parent and a child are very similar - I certainly considered I was with my mother. I discovered that my eldest child was wildly different from me. What was important to me was not even a consideration for him. I caused us all a huge amount of stress by not accepting you can't retrofit a child into your idea of what is appropriate (even if you are absolutely convinced you are right).

My mother had been much wiser than I was. In retrospect I can see she must have been disappointed in me in some respects. She came from a family well known for their sporting prowess. I don't mean they were a bit good at sport - my cousin was internationally famous in a sport and described with words in the press such as "legendary". (No, I have no intention of revealing any further details at all about this.) I was an absolute duffer at sport. Balls just sailed past me while my mother yelled to watch the ball! . My mother encouraged my bookish ways and gave the strong impression that sports weren't important. She never tried to make me sporty because she realised that was not my strong suit even though it was hers. She was proud of my academic success.

When I was busily trying to remake one of my children in my own image, my mother totally accepted their choices and was very supportive. My children truly grieved when she died. I think she was an exemplary example of acceptance both as a mother and as a grandmother. It took me a long time to rebuild my relationship with my child and I am grateful I had the chance to do so. Be my mother, not me.