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Original poster

To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

365 replies

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP posts:
PashaMinaMio · 23/12/2025 20:41

RancidRuby · 23/12/2025 20:05

but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle.

You're the one causing a fuss by insisting she bends to your wants. As long as she's clean and appropriately dressed for the weather then just let her be.

You’re the one who’s spoiling her!

Just stop doing so when you are stretching your finances to do so.

My parents used to tell us “No I/we can’t afford that” and we just had to suck it up.

Let her wear her hair however she wants. It’s part of her personality and style forming. Let her get on with it. Dont be so controlling. Take back the Boxing Day clobber for a refund too.

New year coming. New parenting style. New boundaries and stick to it.

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 20:40

If it’s just a ‘fucking outfit and hairstyle’, why do you care so much about it?

PollyBell · 23/12/2025 20:40

YuleLogsAndEggNog · 23/12/2025 20:36

Why are you allowing your 6 year old to rule the roost,?

Why by being allowed to wear what they want?

SillyGoose33 · 23/12/2025 20:40

Why does it matter . I could've written this about my DD very tomboy and at the moment into football kits and spiderman . It wouldnt even occur to me to tell her to wear her hair down for Christmas. She hates wearing her hair down . Why do you want your child to be uncomfortable on Christmas day . Let her be herself

Minjou · 23/12/2025 20:39

but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle

It does sound so ridiculous...of you. Wtaf is your problem? Let the child be.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/12/2025 20:39

Oh my god you are so unreasonable.

It’s her hair and her body. She is not a dress up doll.

I have a horrible memory of my Mum forcing me into a dress for a meal out on holiday in Italy. I wanted to be in smart shorts and a top like my brothers. I still feel badly about it now as an adult and it would have meant a lot to me to be allowed to dress as I pleased.

I get a real visceral feeling when I see little girls to my eyes “done up like a dog’s dinner” - unreasonable perhaps as those girls might like it. Princess Charlotte in particular comes to me, and those tight pulled back side clips that they put in her hair. For all I know she might love it but it reminds me of unwelcome childhood hairstyles and clothing.

FlockofSquirrels · 23/12/2025 20:39

If you push this don't be surprised if she takes a pair of scissors to her hair in the future.

You love the look of her hair and it's perfectly normal to want her to love her own hair as well, but that's not where this will lead. Refusing to let her take ownership of her own hair is going to fuel her resentment, not teach her to love it. Turning her hair into a power struggle won't end well.

For both the hair and clothes - tidy and festive are the appropriate adjectives and lessons for a 6 year-old here. Your approach to teaching dress codes can be more complex as she gets older, but right now just focus on the idea of choosing something a bit special for special occasions that she feels happy in. If her track suit is a bit smarter or more festive than her everyday clothes then that's enough at her age.

And reduce the spending and focus on clothes overall. You're spending money to make both of you frustrated and unhappy.

OpheliaHamlet · 23/12/2025 20:37

Let her do what feels right for her.
I had long, naturally blonde hair until my early twenties, when I blissfully got it cut just above my shoulders.
My hair was beautiful, and I definitely looked infinitely better when it was down. However, my hair was very thick, and unfortunately, made me very hot and uncomfortable. I naturally already run hot (I’m the annoying person in every situation who is constantly too hot, while everyone else is shivering to death).
Plus, long hair, while lovely as it is, does really get in the way. As a messy child, my mum was always cleaning some gunk out of my hair!

Sausagescanfly · 23/12/2025 20:36

Where do you come from that new clothes are non-negotiable for Christmas? Even the royals rewear stuff for Christmas.

GalaxyJam · 23/12/2025 20:36

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 20:14

This is what I suggested. So that it’s not in her face. It was a resounding no!

And thank you for understanding, this is exactly my issue. She needs to know (as do all kids) about dress codes. She dresses and styles herself however she wants for school, outings etc. she’s got oodles of choice with everything. But there comes a time when certain things aren’t appropriate. She’s been asked to be a flower girl at my brothers wedding and has outright refused due to the dress code; things like that are hard to manage I’m torn between get on with it and well it will make her uncomfortable

Show quote history

Why is having her hair tied up inappropriate for your Christmas lunch venue? That must be a pretty strict dress code!

YuleLogsAndEggNog · 23/12/2025 20:36

Why are you allowing your 6 year old to rule the roost,?

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 23/12/2025 20:35

YABVU

If she doesnt want it loose, let her tie it up. Does she even WANT long hair?

My youngest daughter is an extreme tomboy. A couple of years ago DH took her to the barbers with my son and she asked to have it all cut off and DH agreed to it. I was sad at first because she used to have the most beautiful blonde curls. but she absolutely loves it. She still has very short hair now cut close to her scalp, when people see her they all assume shes a boy because there is absolutely nothing about her appearance, clothes, behaviour or way she talks thats remotely feminine (and her nickname is one thats seen as more 'boyish').

I have a lot of problems with her behaviour atm but how she likes to dress is not one of themSmile

YippeeKayayeMF · 23/12/2025 20:35

Who gets to dictate how you wear your hair on Christmas Day, OP?

sprigatito · 23/12/2025 20:34

babytum · 23/12/2025 20:29

I think it’s nothing to do with the hair style at all.
I think you afford so much freedom of choice that the one time you ask for a bit of compromise and compliance there’s a meltdown. I think the reason your gut is telling you not to let this one go is because it’s an opportunity to learn sometimes you have to do as you are told.
I get that, because the consequence of so much freedom should be, on the rare occasion they are asked to row in is compliance.
I’m not agreeing or disagreeing about the hair, you are her mother and you know how important it is to you and sometimes she must do as she is told.
I think you are worn thin with the work that goes into making Christmas happen and she doesn’t understand or appreciate and then kicks off over clothes she refused to choose.
But she’s only 6 so you aren’t going to get a lot of reasonable behaviour out of her 😂😂 Best of luck to you both!
In time you will be so very proud of her head strong and dogmatic attitude (when it’s not being aimed at you). Have a lovely Christmas , hair up or hair down……

Children don’t have to do as they’re told for the sheer sake of it, though, do they? They have to do as they’re told because we’re responsible for their safety and wellbeing, and we try to make decisions responsibly and do what’s best for them. Pulling the “do as you’re told” card over something like this, purely to satisfy the mother’s vanity, is an abuse of power and undermines the trust that’s needed between parents and children if they are going to do as we say when there’s actually a good reason.

WallaceinAnderland · 23/12/2025 20:34

The pressure to look 'pretty' at just age 6. Come on OP, surely you want to do better than this for your daughter.

outerspacepotato · 23/12/2025 20:34

Bodily autonomy matters.

Her hair, she wears it how she wants. You want to dress her up and show her off like a show pony for you, not for her.

Xmasbaby11 · 23/12/2025 20:33

YABU but I know where you're coming from. I have 2dd and let them wear what they want as long as it's practical. They are 11 and 13 now and when they were little would occasionally wear cute dresses (they chose) but never wanted their hair styling, matching shoes or anything like that. As long as they were neat and clean I didn't insist but inside would have loved to dress them up! they are not dolls so I didn't .. but I get the urge! I'm sure I'd have felt the same with boys but it's definitely important that girls don't feel they have to dress a certain way or look 'pretty'.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/12/2025 20:33

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 20:14

It’s nothing to do with her being a girl and apply the same to my son.

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Then why have you spunked money you don't have on a tracksuit with tapered legs and fucking shoulder pads because it looks more 'girly' (ie, useless for playing football in)?

tiredofchristmas · 23/12/2025 20:33

Oh and my daughter wore a suit to a wedding aged 16 and looked INCREDIBLE. All of her cousins had been forced into dresses and were so ridiculously jealous of all of the complements she was getting. And she was so happy in what she was wearing she was really glowing. Great day.

BernardButlersBra · 23/12/2025 20:32

Controlling much? I have 2 daughters and l don't control how they have their hair. They have their own thoughts and own opinions so no need 🙄. Plus it's their hair

TeaRoseTallulah · 23/12/2025 20:32

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 20:14

This is what I suggested. So that it’s not in her face. It was a resounding no!

And thank you for understanding, this is exactly my issue. She needs to know (as do all kids) about dress codes. She dresses and styles herself however she wants for school, outings etc. she’s got oodles of choice with everything. But there comes a time when certain things aren’t appropriate. She’s been asked to be a flower girl at my brothers wedding and has outright refused due to the dress code; things like that are hard to manage I’m torn between get on with it and well it will make her uncomfortable

Show quote history

She's doesn't need to learn anything, I ate in a five star hotel in London last week and must people we're in trainers.

kenadams5 · 23/12/2025 20:32

She’s a child, an individual. Not an accessory.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 23/12/2025 20:32

I wouldn't let my son or daughter wear a tracksuit on Christmas Day, I have to say, but families are different, so no reason you shouldn't.

I can't see any scenario where it's unreasonable to wear her hair back though? There's nothing wrong with a pony tail.

It sounds like you are a bit overwhelmed OP, so take a deep breath and pick your battles - let the ponytail be.

It does sound like you are spending money you don't have/running around after your kids' whims too much. She's only 6, so now is a good time to break that pattern.

FinallyHere · 23/12/2025 20:32

Why, why, why are you doing this.

Honestly, what do you get out of it.

TableRunners · 23/12/2025 20:31

it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle

You're right OP, you shouldn't be kicking up such a fuss. You can't encourage children to know their own minds, then have a strop when they actually do.

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