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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

365 replies

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP posts:
rainbowsandraspberrygin · 23/12/2025 20:57

Leave her be. It’s only Christmas. It’s not like she’s a teen wearing t shirts with abusive language.

Not sure why you’re buying expensive trackies.

you say it’s not the done thing to not have a new outfit for Christmas where you’re from….can I ask where that is?

we sometimes dress a bit smarter if we’re having guests at Christmas or going out but wouldn't buy need things especially.

I think because she’s been give such free rein she’s noy used to being guided in her clothes choice.

pambeesleyhalpert · 23/12/2025 20:56

Take the clothes back and let her wear something she already owns and is comfortable in….

pambeesleyhalpert · 23/12/2025 20:56

Take the clothes back and let her wear something she already owns and is comfortable in….

MissDoubleU · 23/12/2025 20:56

YABVU. Don’t be surprised when she chops her precious curly hair into a pixie cut the second she’s able to get away from you controlling and admiring her for it.

It‘s a right of passage for many young ladies whose trophy hair is centred over their comfort.

Imdunfer · 23/12/2025 20:56

She's not a doll to be dressed and hairstyled as you choose.

ElizaMulvil · 23/12/2025 20:55

This may damage the relationship you have with your daughter more than you imagine. I knew a family where the children were all commented on every time they left the house. Told to change their outfits as they didn't suit them, just redo your hair, your dress is too short, etc etc, etc.

Needless to say all three moved away from where their parents live when adults and rarely see them. It's not worth risking a family feud over this. The golden rule is 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' or better find something to say it ' looks lovely' to.

Nevernonono · 23/12/2025 20:55

Struggling for money but new outfits for Christmas svd Boxing day?

Ridiculous!

Let her choose!

LimpysGotCancer · 23/12/2025 20:55

Haven't RTFT, but YABVU. She's a real person with her own preferences about how she dresses, she's not your doll.

user1471538275 · 23/12/2025 20:55

Body Autonomy.

She decides for herself.

sanityisamyth · 23/12/2025 20:55

It’s her hair. She can have it how she likes.

FWIW - free rein, not reign.

MrsJeanLuc · 23/12/2025 20:54

PartoftheBand · 23/12/2025 20:01

In your own words, "it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle." But it feels like this is what you are doing. Just let her be comfortable and happy.

This. You are being REALLY selfish.

She's not a doll for you to dress the way you want her to be. She's a little person with her own ideas - your job is to help her learn how to express herself.

Grapewrath · 23/12/2025 20:54

God. Leave her be.

Aimtodobetter · 23/12/2025 20:53

I think it wouldn't have been unreasonable to expect her to dress smarter than in a tracksuit. It is however unreasonable to make up for the racksuit by controlling her hairstyle. Dressing to fit a dresscode is part of adult life she will eventually have to learn - having someone tell you to wear your hair up or down is not.

GeminiGiggles · 23/12/2025 20:51

I remember an argument with a family member when I was 6 over a purple shrug that I had so wanted, was so proud to have and not being allowed to wear it. I'm 33 now... 😬

Is this really the hill to die on?

TrixieFatell · 23/12/2025 20:50

It's her hair not yours. It's fantastic she has such strong ideas on how she should look, don't trample on her boundaries

grapesstrawberriespleass · 23/12/2025 20:48

She will end up resenting you if you carry on down this road. I’d hate my mum if she did this to me. Let me guess, you want her to look a certain way for a picture perfect social media post? Is your family image more important to you than your daughter’s feelings?

arethereanyleftatall · 23/12/2025 20:48

Wow!! Sorry op but this is batshit.

I think you had a very unusual upbringing and that’s where all this is borne from.

the idea of my parents telling me what to wear - ever -, or me to tell my children what to wear or how to do their hair - ever is utterly alien to me.

you said ‘you let your dc wear want they want usually’ as if that’s something unique or to be proud of. OF COURSE, children at 6 years old wear whatever they want!!

I am far more comfy, and much more relaxed and happy in comfy clothes. To me that means close that feel comfy. There is NO WAY I’d enjoy dressing up for Christmas and I wouldn’t want to go anyway that told me to.

MannersAreAll · 23/12/2025 20:47

but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle

So why are you causing such a fuss?

There's nothing inappropriate about a ponytail hairstyle (and clearly nothing wrong with the outfit as you bought it) so why are you determinedly trying to make her more "girly" by insisting on a different hairstyle?
What's the thinking behind that?

I have naturally curly hair and it took me until my mid 30s to actually like it, primarily due to absolutely detesting it as a child due to my grandparents (they brought me up) insistence that I always have a it long and wear it down for special occasions. I had it chopped short (as in pixie short) the first second I was allowed to choose for myself.

Kibble19 · 23/12/2025 20:47

This cannot be a real post.

What is it about Christmas that turns people into this?

As long as she’s clean and well presented, let her be.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 23/12/2025 20:47

What would be smarter about her hair being down? A neat and tidy ponytail (which is what a slick back is) is no scruffier surely?

She's 6, this is not a battle I would be considering

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 23/12/2025 20:46

Also if she were a boy would you be fussing like this?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/12/2025 20:44

Would she actually prefer her hair cut short? If she would, that’s what she should have.

NestaArcheron · 23/12/2025 20:44

If it’s just “a fucking outfit and hairstyle” why are you being so awful about it? Leave the poor girl alone - she’s 6 and Christmas is about to be ruined because her mother is sulking about her hair being tied up!! Do you realise how absolutely ridiculous that sounds?

latetothefisting · 23/12/2025 20:42

your priorities are all out of whack.

At least if you wanted her to wear a particular outfit that is something that will be vaguely relevant when she's older, in that certain places/occasions require a certain way of dressing.

but in the real world, the way she styles her hair is never going to be an issue.

"no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from"
What do you mean, where we come from? Who are you even "negotiating" with about something so minor and utterly irrelevant.

Christmas day is supposed to be about celebrating with family, not creating completely unnecessary aggro about ridiculous non-issues.

Holdingthem · 23/12/2025 20:41

Pick your battles. Let her choose how to wear her own hair. Why cause upset over something so trivial

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