To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

My eldest was like this from about 3-11. Complete tomboy, hair always tied back, always blue tops, dark shades of jumpers or hoodies (often from the boys section) and jeans - wouldn't ever wear leggings or joggers.
Shes now 14 and won't go near a dress or skirt still, but wears stylish girls clothes, lots of makeup (actually a bit too much for my preference, but again her choice!) Styles her hair better than I do, and loves jewellery and perfume.

Let them find their own style, it doesnt matter what it is, all that matters is that you compliment them and build their self esteem at each stage.

You sound so petty, you have caused her to behave in that way and retaliate like a 2 year old! Book some parenting lessons as soon as possible as when she becomes a teenager you won’t be able to cope.

Massively unreasonable. Let her be.

She's a small human child, not a doll

I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

"I'd love to dress her" - she's not a bloody dolly! 🙄
She's also not you. She's her own person with her own tastes. Leave her be for goodness sake, it's her hair and body.

My dad is Irish, also not a thing in our family. And he was mostly brought up in Liverpool too.

My parents were both Irish and I have never even heard of this tradition. Certainly they didn't practise it.

That would make me sense to me than Irish

I was thinking traveller or scouser

As someone living in a liverpool overspill town, a lot of the scouser mums and even their little girls really go to town on dolling up. Same for the gypsy/traveller girls

Who's hair is it?
Who's clothes are they?

That's the only person who needs a say. Unless it's like "wear your school uniform" or "don't wear just shorts and t-shirt in December"

have not read the whole thread , but have read all of yours @Namechangesecretsignature . You are being unreasonable. She is not your fashion accessory, If she is clean and in clothes that are clean, and happy, well then you have done your job. Do not make it about what your daughter (or sons for others) looks like, that way lies madness. Children should be comfortable in their own skin, not trying to look GOOD for anyone. Like I said..clean child, clean clothes, that is ALL that is required. Don't set her up for a lifetime of trying to look good for others!

This is only stressful because you’ve made it so.

I always wanted curly hair, and mine is straight as a plank. I was delighted when I had two curly girls, now in their late teens. One straightens her hair daily, and the other (who has a fantastic natural afro) wears wigs. So I feel your pain OP! However, they are not dolls or extensions of us, so I've kept shtum. I really hope one day they will go natural, but reckon if I tried to enforce that they would rebel for the rest of their lives.

Your kids aren’t Barbie dolls to dress up. You literally said you want her hair down for the sake of photos, that’s crazy.

I put YANBU by mistake.

I’m afraid you sound like hard work…Try and unclench and relax a bit rather than treating your daughter like a doll.

Whatever style of clothes or hair that is forced on an unwilling child will result in them doing the exact opposite later. I would have thought that was obvious.

When I was at primary all my friends had fringes and long loose hair. I had to have a ponytail with the hair pulled back off my forehead because ‘fringes didn’t suit me’ according to my mum (she wasn’t actually controlling in other ways though).

Guess what I got on my first ever visit to a hairdresser? Yep, loose hair and a nice fringe. I felt beautiful.

OP leave your daughter’s preferences alone!

A little girl in a ponytail sounds perfect.

Even planning before the day how you're going to dress a six year old is mad. New clothes are "non negotiable"?! And who, exactly, are you negotiating with? It sounds like you put most of the supposed pressure of Christmas on yourself. She's a small child, not a doll. Just let it all go.

I still buy my 14 year old’s clothes, because she doesn’t have a job. Do you think that means she shouldn’t have a say in what she wears?

Would you like someone telling you how to wear your hair ?
Also , the wedding, I’d let her off.
She will learn about dress codes , she may choose not to go to a place where they require a particular dress code if she feels uncomfortable.

Yes, it's called being a parent. OP is the one who buys the clothes, not the 6 year old child. OP decides.

N/M

Sorry but you are being completely unreasonable. Let her wear whatever she wants, as long as it’s clean. She’s not a doll to be dressed up as you want.
And if your finances are tight why on earth are you buying special clothes for Christmas and New Year?

Thank goodness someone has common sense. I am stunned by what I am reading. Imo she sound like a spoilt little madam who thinks she is making the decisions and ruling the roost. At 6, she is not buying her clothes, you are, OP. You buy her clothes and tell her what she is wearing and that's it. Never have I heard of a 6 year old choosing their own clothes. How precocious. Tell her she wears what she is given and that's it and that's final. However I wouldn't worry about her hair.

This is exactly what jumps out at me! Let her dress how she likes.