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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have to do an ‘Emma Thompson’ this Christmas?

515 replies

Changes26 · 23/12/2025 19:13

We all know the scene from ‘Love Actually’. AIBU to think I’m not the only one who is doing an Emma Thompson this Christmas? I.e. putting a brave face on whilst everything else crumbles around you?

You can share why you’re Emma Thompsoning your way through the festive period or just give a knowing nod whilst you scream inside.

Me? I’ve split up with my partner as I’ve realised it’s a toxic relationship after an incident last week. I’ve told no one and he’s back home after 4 night away. I am just smiling through it all so our daughter doesn’t have a shit Christmas and more difficult memories to work through in future therapy.

Separation, divorce, grief, bereavement, complicated family, homelessness or financial ruin?

Here’s to getting through the next few days and a brighter 2026!

OP posts:
venus7 · 23/12/2025 22:49

tanstaafl · 23/12/2025 19:46

I’m sure ET would prefer you to use her characters name.

Does it matter, really? When you read what people are writing?

LemograssLollipop · 23/12/2025 22:47

@KnittedMam your story resonates with me as I have similar circumstances. My wonderful mum who was the glue holding us together died 2 years ago and things will never be the same again. Losing my job was a relief, I would never have left, just hoped things would get better.
Please do the best for yourself. Look after your needs, try to sleep. Sending hugs and support 💐

Dozeyduck · 23/12/2025 22:47

Sending all my Iove to you all. One thing about Christmas is that it's a time to spread love and I'm doing that to you all and wrapping my arms around you from afar. Hope your new years are brighter xxxx

Anothenamechange · 23/12/2025 22:46

SparklyGreenTiger · 23/12/2025 20:45

My baby was born sleeping at 5 months in September but I have a 2.5 year old so very much putting on a brave face despite it all. She was due in two weeks making this all the harder. But on we go.

I should have been giving birth this week. I wasn't as far along as you but I am finding it unbearably painful, especially as DDs birthday is tomorrow and the comparisons are everywhere. Sending love xxxx

daffodilandtulip · 23/12/2025 22:45

Mistletoemiss · 23/12/2025 21:54

Sending hugs. I’d bet my house you’re lovely IRL. Sometimes some of us don’t get allocated the Mothers we deserve. Mine had Narcissistic Personality Disorder (not that she would’ve recognised it) and I feel absolute relief now she’s dead and so is the inevitable drama. She was single-handedly responsible for all of my shittiest Christmas’s and in the main tried to ruin the others she wasn’t even at/invited to. That said, having her as my mother has made me the woman I am today - I am successful and I am a great mother myself (I literally just think “what would my mother do in this situation?” And do the reverse) and her cruelty did not break me. Someone said on the radio yesterday ‘Success is having children that want to spend time with you’ which is lovely. I have that. My mother didn’t. I bet you do/will. Don’t waste time over the fact your mother won’t ever say sorry to you. Believe in yourself. You are good enough. 💐

To everyone else on this thread, sending solidarity. And 💐. And raising a glass to those of us who lift each other up when things are tough. 🍷

Show quote history

Ah thank you. I have a successful business but it wasn’t in the “right” job so I was considered a failure. I’ve done well and I’m happy with my life.

Having two teens though and all the explosions and moods they bring, and very little other adult input, it’s easy to believe the negative things.

realsavagelike · 23/12/2025 22:45

CatCaretaker · 23/12/2025 20:43

I can empathise a bit with this. Luckily don't have ppd but have a very clingy / whingy (I feel terrible saying that) / screamy baby and PILs especially love to tell us to 'just put her down'. She's wonderful in every way she just doesn't like playing alone! Like yours, she's always been this way, since the day she born. Getting quite tired of people implying that she is this way because I've spoiled her. She's not even 1!

Show quote history

Empathising with you both! I had PPD 3 times and my DD1, now 18, was the clingiest baby - literally couldn't put her down for a minute or she would scream her head off for the first several months. Although you probably can't believe it now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. She is currently out with friends and I'll be lucky to see her at SOME point today or this evening!

Anothenamechange · 23/12/2025 22:42

bobbadee · 23/12/2025 20:40

18 months ago I got told my cancer had returned, it had spread, and I had 18 months to live.

I’ve fallen out with my DH this year. We’ve spent hours talking and crying. It’s not going well.
my 2 young children don’t know anything is wrong.

once again, I’ll be plastering on a smile and making the most of every minute with my children. I look at them and my heart shatters with grief for them.

im sorry the women here are having their own troubles. One problem doesn’t trump another.

You are all seen. merry Christmas to you all.

I have no words so I will give you a massive virtual hug xxx

Jenkibuble · 23/12/2025 22:42

Changes26 · 23/12/2025 19:13

We all know the scene from ‘Love Actually’. AIBU to think I’m not the only one who is doing an Emma Thompson this Christmas? I.e. putting a brave face on whilst everything else crumbles around you?

You can share why you’re Emma Thompsoning your way through the festive period or just give a knowing nod whilst you scream inside.

Me? I’ve split up with my partner as I’ve realised it’s a toxic relationship after an incident last week. I’ve told no one and he’s back home after 4 night away. I am just smiling through it all so our daughter doesn’t have a shit Christmas and more difficult memories to work through in future therapy.

Separation, divorce, grief, bereavement, complicated family, homelessness or financial ruin?

Here’s to getting through the next few days and a brighter 2026!

My dad has dementia and struggles massively with conversations now. This Xmas we (myself and mum / siblings ) will all try and put on a brave face but inside we are all grieveing the dad of previous years and the unknown of whether it will be his last.
The young kids will provide some light relief I hope x

Hugs to all those being brave

growinguptobreakingdown · 23/12/2025 22:40

Unexpected, tragic bereavement last week.In the midst of funeral arrangements and grief I have to pretend to enjoy christmas day.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 23/12/2025 22:38

tanstaafl · 23/12/2025 19:46

I’m sure ET would prefer you to use her characters name.

🙄 So it was your turn today tanstaafl.

I think that ET is a nice enough person that she wouldn't give a fuckety fuck about her real name being used in Mumsnet, especially if it was helping an anonymous mother to cope with a personal crisis.

Huntrix · 23/12/2025 22:37

Divorce and a very recent ND diagnosis here. It will just be DC and me as I have no family in this country. STBXH will visit and we'll make things nice and normal for DC but I know he'll bail as soon as he can so it'll just be me entertaining DC. Bit sad that it will be our last Christmas together but then I think about last Christmas and how much it sucked because either he wasn't there or he was but not fully present, so I did everything alone anyway. Best get used to it!

Luckily my DC are ace and happy to just chill and get festive, and I am lucky to be able to spend my Christmas with them, even if it's bittersweet this year.

Newyearawaits · 23/12/2025 22:37

Thanks for sharing all your stories.
Somehow, I feel less alone and your support will make the day abit easier.
I send my heartfelt support to all of you. Virtual hugs and support ❤

Whathappensnext23 · 23/12/2025 22:36

My problems are not as bad as a lot of other posters. My two adoptive children are not in contact since my DD (who has autism, adhd and eupd) made serious allegations against my DS (who is also autistic) nearly 2 years ago. I knew at the time she wasn't telling the truth.She now lives in supported accomodation about a mile away. My DH does not have good health.

I have extremely bad anxiety, I always was anxious but I'm on beta blockers now, since all this happened . DD is rubbish with money and on benefits and I do support her more than I should financially, leaving me short. She uses cannabis though is trying to cut down. I'm terrified of the choices she might make in life.

I see my daughter most days. She speaks positively about her brother quite often but she'll never be able to be honest about wjat happened.

On Christmas Day, me and DH will see her for a dog walk while DS stays home. I'll take her stocking to her tomorrow. She loves Christmas. I wish she could be here even if she didn't live here but at the moment that's not possible.

We lost a good friend to cancer this year, after many years illness.

My heart goes out to all those dealing with bereavement, cancer, loneliness.

Sorry for the essay.

YourZippyHare · 23/12/2025 22:29

Sending so much love and strength to you all.

FacingTheEnd · 23/12/2025 22:27

@thesecondmrsdewinter20 @Tillymint1234

Thank you. I haven't admitted this to anyone until now, your kindness is appreciated. Unfortunately it really is that bad, I made a dreadful mistake and then let it spiral rather than face it, I was drowning in everything else, and just couldn't keep all the balls in the air. This doesn't excuse what I have done. It isn't facing the consequences that is destroying me, but knowing how disappointed everyone will be.

Enigma54 · 23/12/2025 22:27

Endeavour1971 · 23/12/2025 20:08

Divorce and losing my 33 year old son to suicide this year.
Drinking Baileys and watching 80s Xmas hits on TV hoping I'll feel better.
I dont 😥

Sending virtual hugs and support. This sounds so incredibly tough. One minute at a time, one foot in front the other ❤️

Bonesy1 · 23/12/2025 22:25

I can only
imagine how difficult this is for you

BlueEyedBogWitch · 23/12/2025 22:25

First Christmas NC with my eldest sibling and their family.
One of my DC having a very tough time.

Actupfishy · 23/12/2025 22:21

My beautiful mam was given a cancer diagnosis on boxing day and was gone by august

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 23/12/2025 22:21

AmyDuPlantier · 23/12/2025 21:08

It’s official. There is now NO thread on here in which people will not try to shit all over the OP for no reason apart from their own lack of character.

Show quote history

I could not have worded it better myself…. X

blueumbrella2016 · 23/12/2025 22:20

Gawd that film is so lame.

Mediocrewife · 23/12/2025 22:19

My beloved Dad died 2 weeks ago. I'm functioning and smiling for the kids but crying at nights once they're in bed. I miss him so much it hurts.
My friends mum died the day after Dad so we're both having a shit christmas.
Just trying to cope with one day at a time is exhausting.
Sending love to other PPs, theres some amazing strong people here.

thesecondmrsdewinter20 · 23/12/2025 22:17

FacingTheEnd · 23/12/2025 21:52

Not quite the same but I've completely fucked up at work, like life ending (as in mine, I haven't harmed anyone else) I have to own up when we go back in January. It will be the end of my marriage, my kids will never see me the same and at best I'm going to walk away with nothing.

I've just got this last Christmas as a family before our world implodes and it is all my fault.

I have had a couple of different careers and in each of them I’ve been convinced I’ve made a terrible, life-ending mistake. Each time I was wrong. I am sure it’s not as bad as you think. We are human, we make mistakes. Sometimes we do things we know are wrong, too. But there’s always a way through, always.

FancyCatSlave · 23/12/2025 22:16

I’m spending my last Xmas with DD and her dad in our dream home. We just finished renovating it, but our divorce was finalised last week and it is for sale. It literally makes me sick that I have to leave here. I am devastated.

We usually host my family but that was out of the question this year so it is the 3 of us pretending to be a family for the last time and trying not to argue.

I just can’t wait for it to be over but DD is only 6 so it’s a big deal for her and I am determined it is lovely for her. But I just wish I could fast forward to 2026.

Even getting out the Christmas decorations I was mentally dividing them in to his and mine and will box them up separately at the end.

It’s shit.

illsendansostotheworld · 23/12/2025 22:16

Endeavour1971 · 23/12/2025 20:08

Divorce and losing my 33 year old son to suicide this year.
Drinking Baileys and watching 80s Xmas hits on TV hoping I'll feel better.
I dont 😥

So sorry xxx