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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have cut my DD's (3) hair

61 replies

Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 18:42

TL:DR: 3 year old tantrums over hair brushing resulted in me cutting a bob tonight with kitchen scissors.

My DD is generally quite a happy child. However she has never ever liked her hair brushed. We've tried tangle teasers, leave in conditioner, wide tooth combs, plaiting it. Its dead straight but gets very knotted.

Every time I brush her hair (twice daily) it has involved DH having to physically hold her or she lashes out with arms and legs.

Tonight she came out of the bath and I got the brush and sprayed her head with leave in conditioner as I usually do. She absolutely flailed. Threw herself back on the sofa and kicked me right in the eye - getting the bone just above it and below my brow.

I was so furious. I called DH and got an ice pack but I am now sporting a black eye for Christmas.

DH restrained DD as usually and I brushed the hair through and then I got the kitchen scissors and cut it off. It was past her shoulders and now it is chin length.

I kinda regret doing it tbh, its ok but I should have taken her to a hair dresser and will have to even it out.

Was I BU? Or would you have been at the end of your tether too?

PS DH won't brush her hair, he just lets it knot

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 23/12/2025 18:50

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/12/2025 18:44

Well, I don't think it's going to solve her hatred of hair brushing to have a memory of being pinned down and her hair hacked off with a pair of scissors in revenge really, is it?

This.

Cutting it is sensible.

Having spent the past however long pinning her down twice a day and then chopping it off at home because you were cross is ridiculous.

Hindsight is 20/20, but I think you and DH should have a think about how you've handled this and what might have been a better solution.

Original poster
Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 18:50

biscuitscake · 23/12/2025 18:46

If her long hair was causing her anxiety and issues with brushing it then of course YANBU to cut it. I'm not sure the time was possibly the right time when you were so angry with her.

It was unfortunate that she kicked out and hurt you but of course this was unintentional. I think I would get stressed and probably lash out if I knew something was going to happen that would hurt me (brushing out knots) and be held down and restrained while it happened!

I would be thinking carefully about how to move forward with this, have you tried all of the distractions etc? Restraining a child to brush their hair seems wrong to me.

Thanks and yes I'm well aware it was not ideal. We will use leave in conditioner on it and try and get her involved again in the brushing of it. We've tried getting.her those doll heads, or her brushing my hair.then hers, but.she has always.refused.

She let's them do.it.at nursery!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 18:48

HeadyLamarr · 23/12/2025 18:47

If it looks a mess, it will grow in a few weeks anyway and you can take her to a hairdresser to get it evened up.

We used to go to one in a city that had kiddie chairs with steering wheels and other stuff to distract them. It was rh only way to get DS2's hair done, and even then he fought tooth and nail.

You can't just ignore it like DH, she'll end up with tats you'd have to cut out.

Thank you. Im going to see what I can do to get it tidied!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 18:47

ResusciAnnie · 23/12/2025 18:43

YANBU. DH is very very U for just opting out. IMO restraining is far from ideal, so a bob it is. Surprised she let you do it! Sorry about your eye!

Thank you! Yes he rather flakes on hair!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gallavanting · 23/12/2025 18:47

TheMorgenmuffel · 23/12/2025 18:43

Sounds sensible to me. Its now a more manageable length and it won't be such a pain to deal with.

Thank you so much, im feeling very bad!

OP posts:
HeadyLamarr · 23/12/2025 18:47

If it looks a mess, it will grow in a few weeks anyway and you can take her to a hairdresser to get it evened up.

We used to go to one in a city that had kiddie chairs with steering wheels and other stuff to distract them. It was rh only way to get DS2's hair done, and even then he fought tooth and nail.

You can't just ignore it like DH, she'll end up with tats you'd have to cut out.

biscuitscake · 23/12/2025 18:46

If her long hair was causing her anxiety and issues with brushing it then of course YANBU to cut it. I'm not sure the time was possibly the right time when you were so angry with her.

It was unfortunate that she kicked out and hurt you but of course this was unintentional. I think I would get stressed and probably lash out if I knew something was going to happen that would hurt me (brushing out knots) and be held down and restrained while it happened!

I would be thinking carefully about how to move forward with this, have you tried all of the distractions etc? Restraining a child to brush their hair seems wrong to me.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/12/2025 18:44

Well, I don't think it's going to solve her hatred of hair brushing to have a memory of being pinned down and her hair hacked off with a pair of scissors in revenge really, is it?

Hankunamatata · 23/12/2025 18:44

What does dd think?

Is it bad as you describe? Was she screaming while you cut her hair.

ResusciAnnie · 23/12/2025 18:43

YANBU. DH is very very U for just opting out. IMO restraining is far from ideal, so a bob it is. Surprised she let you do it! Sorry about your eye!

TheMorgenmuffel · 23/12/2025 18:43

Sounds sensible to me. Its now a more manageable length and it won't be such a pain to deal with.