To have cut my DD's (3) hair

If it's any consolation OP, when my DD was young she would scream so loud that a neighbour 3 doors down, and living on a main road could hear her!! It was a battle every day, and it didn't matter who tried, she just wouldn't have it. So I would do the best I could, and then when it got long enough I used to chop it off. It used to get really matted at the back, and no matter how much conditioner, etc. I used, nothing made it easy, so usually by the time I hacked it off, it was a matted lump. Gradually as she got older, she became more interested in dolls, and brushing their hair, which ultimately led to her doing her own, but not until she was almost ready to go to school. So you have my sympathies.

Can you braid? Obviously doesnt help now but for when it grows? Keeps it tidy and out the way and doesnt need doing daily

So hand them the hairbrush. If she kicks off, they’ll see what you are trying to deal with. If she permits them (which she is quite likely to do!) then you’ve had a non-distressing brushing. Win-win.

I would take her to a hairdresser that specialises in children and get her hair cut into a pixie crop. Then, whether or not it appears to need brushing, you get into a habit of brushing it several times a day. Doesn’t need to be a full head brush. This is all about getting her used to the sensation. Use a small brush, with bristles that feel comfortable on the back of your hand. She could have a brush that she uses at the same time, whether on her or in her doll.

By the time her hair is long enough to need brushing, hopefully you will have detoxified brushing and developed a habit of non-distressing brushing.

Well you can tell them it is now!

Great decision. What's the advantage of long hair if it's causing pain and distress to all involved?!

Having it short seems very sensible. That's what I did with DD2 when she was young.

BRUSHED not cut.

You cut it in anger? That’s unreasonable. Not sure why you haven’t taken her to the hairdressers ages ago if it’s an ongoing issue.

my daughter hated it too. I got it cut short and then I had to bribe her for ages.

she loves it now 🙄

Ah apologies just read that you have tried

Just take her for a nice pixie cut, solve all your problems and it'll look cute.

I hated having my hair cut as a kid. It hurt.

Not ideal but its done now

Maybe she can have her own special brush that she brushes mummy & daddys hair with before she goes to bed and then you can brush her and her dolls hair?
Or get a hairdessers mannequin head and she can brush it and put hair clips in etc

I guess the BU depends on the actual haircut. Was it traumatic for DD?

If Grandma’s moan, sounds like they need to be on regular hairbrushing duty.

I think cutting it is a much better option than pinning her down to brush it every day or two!

Ignore the older relatives. I’d probably lie and tell them you did it cos you think it looks better short.

I always cut my boys hair when they were in the bath. Turned it into a fun activity with lots of bubbles in their hair and spiking it up. Perhaps she may let you tidy it up if distracted by something like this. To be honest it was mainly to save money at the time but my youngest who is now in his 30s still gets me to cut it with electric shears.

Well it may be more manageable to have her hair shorter for you, although I always put mine in plaits making it much easier to look after but you have now shown her what it’s like to act in spite and she may pick up on that.

I also use L'Oréal Paris Elvive Extraordinary Oil Hair which makes a big difference.

Probably not the ideal moment but it's done. Hopefully it'll be easier to manage.

DS4 absolutely hates a comb through his hair. He gets it cut at the barbers now every 7/8 weeks as a result. We did have to start going to the baby places with the cars initially at the age of your DD. To start with I'd have to hold him on my lap holding his arms down with full tears and he eventually progressed after about 4/5 visits to sitting by himself. He now absolutely loves going to the big boy barbers and tells all his boy classmates about how it was scary but now is awesome.

Does she have fine hair? Use deep conditioning mask on it, a good detangler spray and head jog brush.

I cut my girl’s hair myself. It was a necessity in lockdown. I can’t work out how you would begin to be able to cut in a straight line on a upset child who was being held by another adult.

I mean - if you’d just cut it because you needed to it would have been fine, but the tone of the post makes it sound like it was revenge for your black eye and that’s what doesn’t sit right. Does she like it? Did she want it cut off?

I used to cut my DDs hair all of the time.

I do think I would have waited until she was calmer but it’s done now.

I would just keep it short for a while.

Totally sensible to cut it yourself with DH restraining her. You couldn’t have trusted her to behave in a hairdressers anyway so no point wasting their time or yours.

but now you need to try to break the cycle. It’s now manageable for her to do herself so she needs to take the control and brush it herself every day. Get nursery in board if they are already seeing different results and take a brush in her bag and she does it herself at nursery if she won’t for you. Nursery are very adept at dealing with with willfull children and they will happily help so use them! They’ve seen it all before and then some!

Did you cut her hair while your dh restrained her and she was kicking off?

I have kids with sensory issues and I get it's frustrating. There had to be a solution between not brushing her hair at all and getting your dh to pin her while you hacked her hair off with scissors.

It’s okay, OP. I think restraining her and angrily cutting her hair was a poor parenting moment. I also know that i have had many, many poor parenting moments! It’s done now. My DDs’ hair knotted easily, especially overnight, so we took to plaiting it, as recommended by a hairdresser friend of ours. Once your DD’s hair has got a bit longer, plaiting it may be the way to go. Restraining your DD while you brush her hair - whilst understandable - has probably fed into her and your anxiety around this. One of those frequent parenting scenarios where the solution has become a problem.