To have cut my DD's (3) hair

I also have curly hair that knots and matts in 30 seconds and so does my DD4. We have one of these brushes and it is great for knots.

OP, I would also look into the technique you are using to brush. My DD4 and DD2 both have hair that knots easily, they hate their hair being brushed when it's done the wrong way but Ive developed my own technique and routine that has really helped. I'll always brush out in the bath or shower while they have conditioner in their hair and they are distracted with bath toys, I do a small section at a time and brush the hair over my hand (i don't know how to describe this but a hairdresser showed me it once, telling me to focus on brushing or combing the hand and not the hair even though they're hair is actually being brushed on top of the hand), this somehow makes it tug less. Then when they come out i do it briefly again but it's much easier so only takes a second. I have a spray bottle with a water and leave in conditioner mix that I spray on in the mornings before brushing. I use plenty so the hair is wet through and use the same brushing technique described above. It makes a huge difference. When my 4 year old was younger I would sometimes distract her by giving her my phone and putting on something from freebies but I dont need to do this now.

My daughter was very similar when she was younger- long, straight hair that knotted the moment you'd finished brushing it. She has a really sensitive scalp and really did find it painful. It took me quite a long time to realise that. We tried all sorts of different hairbrushes but the only one she could tolerate was this one https://kentbrushes.com/collections/ladies/products/perfect-for-smoothing-small-cushion-bristle-nylon-mix-brush-pf02

I think you’ve acted poorly and this is going to be a core memory now! It’s not solved the problem, you’ve acted out of anger. Look into brushing her hair gently and using oils to break down knots. I’m sorry but I don’t believe you’ve tried your best. My daughter has curly hair that knits super easy. I buy suitable shampoo and conditioners to help her and spend time with her hair. The other day her dad was gonna cut a knit out and I told my time and got it out! Feel like this is a you problem. Hope she feels ok about the hair cut, pre warn the relatives tomorrow so they don’t react and make a deal out of it

Sounds like it's very stressful for her, so shorter hair will hopefully be easier on her though I wouldn't have gone about it the way you did.
We tried so many hair brushes and happy hair brush is by far the best.

Agree i think this us quite evil, my son has really thick long afro hair that gets quite tangled and doesn't like getting it combed out but I would never do that to him!

Can you describe your brushing technique op? And what you do when you encounter a knot? Wondering if it’s possible brushing is causing her pain.

I hate looking at my childhood photos because my mum cut all my hair off and saw it as her choice not my body.
Give her the choice of cutting it or taking care of it, and if she chooses to cut it show her pictures of nice little girl hairstyles to choose from that would be manageable. Let her feel good about her hair. And yes I do get how hard that is, my daughter is autistic with severe sensory issues around self care including hair brushing. We
go to a good children’s hairstylist who does her hair while she watches the iPad. When I brush her hair I put detangling spray in it (think it’s called mane and tail, infinitely better than leave in conditioner).
I hope your eye feels better quickly and the grandparents leave you alone.

I have long, very fine, curly hair. It knots and matts if I wear a collar. I strongly recommend you use one of these brushes and spray with hair oil not leave in conditioner. Game changer. It easily gets through knots with hardly any tugging at all. For hair oil, light spritz on the knots. Use argan or Moroccan oil. Knots slide right out.

I don’t really understand why people bother taking toddlers to the hairdressers to be honest. Mine hates having her hair brushed so I just cut it short with a short fringe every month or so. Much more practical and easier to wash too. She’s three - she couldn’t care less what it looks like so why do you?

I save the wrestling for toothbrushing time 😬

So your husband held her down and you cut her hair off? Sounds abusive to me and you should be ashamed of yourselves

To be honest, YABU. Why have you let it get to this point

Not exactly the point but I wish more girls would have bobs and short hair. I find long straight hair boring and predictable. I hope your DD benefits from hair less likely to tangle.

I also demanded a haircut when I was 5 after years of screaming my head off every morning.

However, whilst she'd claim that it was me being unreasonable/bratty, what actually happened was that she'd grab the back of my hair, tear the rubber band (not a covered band, an actual rubber one) that had been in it overnight out with a clump of hair and then slap the sharp plastic brush against my scalp and drag down repeatedly, taking chunks out as I screamed, before scraping every bit tightly back and twisting another rubber band. round what was left.

She was most put out that her threats of getting the kitchen scissors and chopping it all off only gave me the idea that I wouldn't have to have her doing my hair ever again. She was convinced I'd scream the hairdressers down, but they didn't hurt me like she did every single morning.

Actually finding out that brushing the hair from the ends up wasn't how she interpreted it (as a sort of backcombing of the lowest part of the scalp with the baby hairs at the back of the neck ripped out to be followed by more scraping and screaming) and was actually putting the ends in your hands and doing an inch, then moving up an inch meant that I became one of those people who could get little children who hated their hair being brushed to let me do it.

I didn't like the bob, but at least she wasn't hurting me every morning anymore.

I had a chin length bob for years because my mum said I was such a pain with hair bushing. Grew it out when I was about 7. It’s done no damage to me and was a sensible solution for my mom.

don’t overthink it or listen to the opinion of strangers on the Internet. You solved the problem.

@Gallavanting have you tried letting DH brush her hair incase it’s just you she kicks off for.

It's fine. I had cut it months ago.

I would have cut it months agi. I always kept DD's hair in a bob when she was that age. She started asking to grow it put about 4 and it got pretty long but I was always clear that any fuss about brushing it and it would be short again.

At 7 she's now decided off her own bat to have a bob. It looks so much nicer than long anyway. Long hair generally looks messy and impractical anyway in my opinion.

I would have been furious with a kick in the eye too OP. My 2 year old hates brushing her hair and screams the house down when we wash it so she wears it short. Taking her to hairdressers doesn’t work (even those specialised in small kids), she screams and wriggles, but she accepts a very quick cut from my husband’s mobile barber. Bob all the way until she stops going berserk with hair washing and brushing!

My dad used to do this. Not sure why except he was a lot meaner about it getting impatient with my struggling and wriggling and you can imagine his reaction wasn’t as hands off as you described in your post, OP.

I have photos of when I was a child with short hair and it just is horrible to remember and look at. My siblings didn’t have to endure this. I was terrified of the pointy scissors and the ones with the teeth in them (like a comb and scissor combined).

I don’t have the solution but I do have a 3 year old too and while she doesn’t like her hair being brushed from knots, we spray detangle spray in her hair and gently brush. It took time to get used to we do this at bath time and distract her with singing or a story.

I think it makes sense. I was a bowl cut kid cause I hated having my hair done and my mum had short hair herself. I did longer hair for a bit when I was a teen but now I’m back to short hair. I do it myself with the clippers, save a fortune and makes life easier.

Your DD will probably grow out of hating having her hair done…or maybe she’ll be like me!

Short or bobbed hair is much more sensible than long hair on young children. And I’m sorry you’ve got a black eye, it must have really hurt.

Just get it sorted when you can by a professional and keep it short from now on.

And I can’t think why you persisted with a situation that involved pinning her down. It’s not as though it was unavoidable, like taking blood or taking medicine.

Have it cut short. Break the cycle. No need for a little girl to have long or even bobbed hair if it causes misery

DD always has a bob and it was so much easier. I was secretly gutted when she got to about 5 and said she wanted to grow it!