He asked me for a handjob 5 days after giving birth.

@mondaystuesdays Are you still getting visits from your midwife? I'd be talking to her about it (or your health visitor.) They'll also be able to tell you about baby groups in your area.

OP, with kindness, you are young, vulnerable and without a lot of support. The thought of cutting him loose must be terrifying. But please, do just that. Make sure you take every bit of help you can - health visitors, Mums Aid, rhyme time at the library, church groups - I work in this space and there will be people and charities who exist just to support people like you. I have two wonderful colleagues both of who had children at 17 with very little family support. There were single mums for a long time. Both are 40 now and have done absolutely wonderfully - they have successful careers, their own homes and children who are thriving in their own right. You can do this, but you need to find people who can be your community so you don’t need to stay with a guy like this.

This reminds me of my (now very) ex. In 2014 my mother had just come through a cancer op, which we were told she may or may not come out of. But she did. I called him, my then-boyfriend from the hospital to let him know, and his reply? "So can I now come round for sex, seeing as you'll be in a good mood?"

He then had the cheek to try and return to me when he realised I subsequently met a far better, more decent man. I never spoke to that guy again.

I think you know what to do, op. Please, please get rid. It is only going to get worse.

Get this deadbeat fucker out of your life immediately or you'll seriously regret it.

It's okay to be upset and also confused by your bf's reactions.

To give the benefit of the doubt, if he didn't attend any of your appointments and also doesn't know many people who have had kids I suppose he may genuinely not have understood what birth does to a woman, mentally and physically. It would be good if you can have a conversation with him about his expectations for intimacy and why it's important that you do things on your terms - when you feel ready. He may sulk again but that's another matter.

I also agree with others that you should really try to go to baby groups if you can - you can build your support network by putting yourself out there and future you will be grateful. Even if you only meet one new mum friend that you can confide in and spend time with that could do wonders for your confidence. I wish you luck with it.

@mondaystuesdays You are new on here, so you may not yet have learn an old Mumsnet adage, which is perfect for your situation, "No, is a complete sentence." You do not need to embellish it further, "No," is sufficient.

Congrats on the new arrival and the great news is you now have an amazing support network right here!

Don’t worry op, there are just as many young mums at baby groups as any other age. If you can find a local church one, it will just be a pound or two a session, free tea/coffee/biscuit and a little chat with other mums and babies. From 4 or 5 months is a good time to start going. Library baby groups are usually free and can also be very supportive.

You sound vulnerable. Remember you can still contact your midwife team for the first few weeks, even in the middle of the night. They will help with any questions from feeding to changing, they are very helpful. When you change over to the health visitor team, again you can ask any questions about looking after baby, playing with baby. Local family hubs run free groups too. They will also have free parenting classes. Honestly, just ask for and accept as much support as you can. If BF wants to step up and be a dad that would be great but they and focus on yourself and your baby at the moment. Also, make sure he always wears a smoking jacket that he takes off before coming into contact with baby as smoke on clothes can contribute to SIDS. (Good that he is going outside and not smoking around baby though) Congratulations on your baby.

A handjob five days after giving birth?
Yes definitely - just make sure you're wearing a boxing glove - and go for his nose, not his hose!

jesuschrist what a sick sick sick post

What an arsehole

Gross

He’s vile. Concentrate on you and your baby. Good luck with everything. 🌸

Agreed I’m sure some women are interested in sex at that point post birth - ie two way consensual sexual activity that provides intimacy for both parties. That’s very very different from YorkshireGoldDrinker’s view that only mean women who don’t want men to be happy wouldn’t be jumping at the chance to randomly give a handjob to their barely back together partner any time he demands one 5 days post birth.

Be yourself and don't pay any attention to what anyone might think of you. What do they know anyway. Take advantage of everything that's available to you and hold your head up high.

Don't stay with someone who has the sensitivy of a nat. He should be looking after you, not asking for sex.

It sounds like you're doing really well with your little one. Do what's right for you both and take no notice of the negativity coming from elsewhere

No woman who's five days postpartum wants to service a deadbeat dude who's whining because they've got a five day old baby and it's interfering with his handjobs. Not many men wouldn't have the brains to realise it's not the fucking time even if it is the priority for them.

Get rid. What a c u next Tuesday he is.

Of course women can want to. But there is a world of difference between a woman in loving relationship wanting to, and feeling obliged because a man is sulking and men invented roads for women and women should be grateful.

Well I don't know about you but I'm totally convinced.

Wow he sounds vile. Get rid it will only get worse

Some women do have a sex drive after giving birth, not all the 6 week checks where women are pregnant again are because these women were co-erced/forced into having sex. Women can do as they please and having no interest post-partum is absolutely fine, but so is having an interest in sex again.

Go to the baby groups and sod the judgemental people. I was a lone parent at 28 but have always been petite and so people often thought I was much younger (several midwives commented rudely on how young I was until I put them straight about my age). Honestly, just do what you need to do and never feel ashamed about being a young mum.

I call BS. I guess anything is possible but I've never met a woman who would say what you've said (and frankly I don't know many men who would).

Maybe wait until you’re 5 days post-partum to give advice then.

Or maybe don’t even then because you’re clearly a pick-me girl and have internalised ALL the misogyny.

What a self centred arse
look after yourself and get rid

His mum obviously doesn’t like you. I’d be very wary of any involvement from her. Don’t let him smoke then come straight back to the baby, read up on the increased risk of SIDS and keep your baby safe.

Don’t put him on the birth certificate-he’d have to go with you anyway as you aren’t married. Does he work?