He asked me for a handjob 5 days after giving birth.

🤮

You need to take time to recover and he needs to go back to his mothers. Do not trust him alone with your baby and do not give in to his sexual requests. This is not the time for any thing but bonding with your baby and working out how to get through the next few months.

He still has the same mum.

Why do you think a situation that didn't work for you before will work for you now that you also
have a baby who needs a lot of your time and attention.

It's not going to improve the circumstances.

I wish we would stop second guessing ourselves. You dumped him because it needed to be done. It was the right decision as he was a shitty little mamas boy. He still is. And a sulking sex pest too.

In the bin with the loser.

Ok it sounds as though you want to try and make it work with him.

If that’s the case that’s fine but you absolutely must also work on yourself too - go to the baby groups and build up a support system away from him, make sure that he is not using you for a place to stay or for sex (limit how often he stays over), think about what career you want and when the baby’s a bit older you could study towards it etc.

I really suggest that you continue to post on MN for advice and support too.
Having a baby is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do and without a good support network it’s even harder.

Talk to him about how his behaviour was unacceptable and how you will not put up with it again.
It was rude of him to ask for it in the first place but his reaction to it was the worse thing.
Tell him that you do not know when you’ll be ready to start doing sexual stuff and it could be months and if he’s not happy to wait until you are ready then he needs to leave.

Well done to him doing an apprenticeship and being involved with his child’s life but that does not mean you should feel disrespected or used.

I didn't think men were allowed to stay overnight in mother and newborn emergency flats?

Either way tell him to piss off and use his own hand. That you're not ready for anything sexual yet. And not to pester you about it either. If he's not being actively helpful with the baby he shouldn't even be there when you've got so much on your plate already.

Only read the title to know that yanbu OP.........selfish entitled prick. Congratulations on your new baba xx

Your priority should be on recovery.

What a charmer. The red flashing light and klaxon is at a deafening volume.

Sorry I know this is not why you’re posting but my baby didn’t wake for feeds either and I had to wake her up every few hours - ask your HV if you need to do the same xx

Not withstanding the fact that he sounds hideous - He should NOT be staying in your Temporary Accommodation under ANY circumstances. He has not qualified for TA and been checked out as safe and in need of accommodation and there may be other vulnerable women , babies and families there.

Lives at home with mummy, smokes and pesters a 5 day post birth mother for sex . He’s a fucking creep and not a catch.

How young? There are lots of young mums in baby groups. If you are a teenager, and don’t fancy a ‘normal’ group, there are groups specifically for teenage mums

You are worth way way more than this. U need all the help you can get…..but NOT from him. He is bad bad news. Do not put him on the birth certificate, do not add him to your household, and do not give him any money or control over your finances. Speak to your health visitor for help to begin with. Focus everything u have now on your baby. This is essential. U need to bond as much as you can and don’t need this horrible icky man causing you needless stress. Please do as others have said and get rid of him. You will meet someone else down the line but right now is not time to get back into relationships that have red flags all over. Please do this for your child and yourself.

Please Please try to go to some baby groups or stay and plays. The more you isolate yourself, the more this arse will control you. You'll see him as all you have/the only support when actually, he's the issue and you'd be better without.

When you say gone out for a smoke, im assuming you don't mean just tobacco?

I was asked for a bj the day after miscarriage

The request was dumb, the sulk is predictive - he thinks he has a right to punish you for not providing sexual services.

If he can't cope with being refused a HJ 5 days after you gave birth, he can't cope with being an adult. Parents have to be the adults in the room. If he won't step up to that properly, all you're left with is 2 babies to look after, one of them over-sized.

I know that having someone to help you is huge when you have a new baby, but where is he now? Helping you & his son, or out pitying himself & getting shitfaced?

That's not ok.

Go to the groups. Get rid. This won’t get better.

Is he also young? You need to sit him down and talk to him. Explain how hard it is for you, and explain that you need his support and understanding. And that you like him etc but at the moment you cant have any kind of sex, him asking you like that feels like he doesn't care about how you feel as you can't enjoy it as you are too tired. Observe his reaction and go from there. If he is willing to listen and understand - good, you can try to make it work. If he gets defensive and nasty - get rid.

If he is older and more experienced than you - definitely get rid, he is a user.

Would he still be interested in you if you didn't have your own flat?

Pick the 'baby' who you're his mum and he totally relies on you for everything
Get rid of the 'baby' who's only about unreasonable sexual demands and resentful strops

OP, please get yourself strong first and foremost. Concentrate in getting into full-time accommodation, setting up a home for you and your gorgeous little baby, getting on with being a mum - and enjoy it. It doesn't feel like it but you really can do this without your ex's help. Why? Because he's not going to help, not really, he needs to change. He's going to bring you drama, his selfishness, confusion and will erode your self-esteem.

Once you are settled, strong and have had a chance to think, then start to think what kind of relationship you wish to have with him and what he can bring to your lives. You'll be doing it from a position of strength and a clearer head.

Get yourself to your local family centre, talk to your health visitor, get to the groups, you'll find your own support network and will give your little one a great start in life. You can do this.

Definitely go to some baby groups. I met one of my closest friends at one and were still great friends nearly 31 years later.
Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy. If his father isn’t treating you both with the love and respect you deserve, then get rid of him.